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Thou art here but to thrash Trojans, and thou art bought and sold among those of any wit, like a barbarian slave. If thou use to beat me, I will begin at thy heel and tell what thou art by inches, thou thing of no bowels, thou. (2.1.47–51)
Thersites shouts these words at Ajax, who has just been beating him as though he were his slave. Responding with his characteristically foul mouth, Thersites verbally thrashes Ajax with as much vigor as Ajax has physically thrashed him. Though Thersites is undoubtedly a minor character in Troilus and Cressida, his uncertain status as the unofficial camp fool gives him a privileged vantage from which to comment on the action. And like a more traditional fool, his commentary is always uncannily spot on. Here, for instance, Thersites insults Ajax by implying that his fate is being “bought and sold” by his betters, which it is. Indeed, we’ve just watched as Ulysses and Nestor concocted a plan to use Ajax to get to Achilles. Thus, when he follows up by threatening to “tell what thou art by inches,” we in the audience trust that Thersites will tell it like it is—both here and elsewhere.
Here is such patchery, such juggling, and such knavery. All the argument is a whore and a cuckold, a good quarrel to draw emulous factions and bleed to death on. (2.3.76–79)
Thersites makes this proclamation just as Achilles runs into his tent to hide from the approaching Greek leaders. Responding to the cowardly behavior of this supposedly great hero, Thersites offers a pointed yet all-encompassing critique of what’s going on in this war. While drawing specific attention to the manipulative trickery afoot in the Greek camp, Thersites also decries the Trojan War as a pointlessly bloody quarrel. He underscores the pointlessness of it all by dismissing the conflict as nothing but “a whore and a cuckold.” This language suggestively references Helen (the “whore”) and Menelaus (her “cuckold”), reminding the audience that this apparently noble war is just a glorified domestic dispute.
Lechery, lechery, still wars and lechery! Nothing else holds fashion. A burning devil take them! (5.2.226–27)
In the final act of the play, Thersites remains boldly on message. Just as he had previously decried the Trojan War as conflict instigated by “a whore and a cuckold,” here he offers another reminder that all the action of the play has amounted to nothing more than “wars and lechery.” His point is timely, considering that the final battle is just about to begin—and as we’ll shortly find out, nothing about this battle is climactic or heroic. Troilus rages after Diomedes looking for revenge against the man who effectively cuckolded him. Meanwhile, Achilles, enraged by the death of his friend and lover Patroclus, gangs up with his Myrmidon mercenaries to kill an unarmed Hector. The main threads of war are indeed motivated by “lechery,” and Thersites wanders through the battlefield commenting on the despicable waste of it all.
