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Enter HOLOFERNES THE PEDANT, NATHANIEL THE CURATE, and DULL THE CONSTABLE.
Enter HOLOFERNES THE PEDANT, NATHANIEL THE CURATE, and DULL THE CONSTABLE.
HOLOFERNES  
Satis quid sufficit.
HOLOFERNES  
Satis quid sufficit.
NATHANIEL  
I praise God for you, sir. Your reasons at
dinner have been sharp and sententious, pleasant
without scurrility, witty without affection, audacious
5
without impudency, learned without opinion,
and strange without heresy. I did converse this
quondam day with a companion of the King’s, who
is intituled, nominated, or called Don Adriano de
Armado.
NATHANIEL  
I praise God for you, sir. Your reasons at
dinner have been sharp and sententious, pleasant
without scurrility, witty without affection, audacious
without impudency, learned without opinion,
and strange without heresy. I did converse this
quondam day with a companion of the King’s, who
is intituled, nominated, or called Don Adriano de
Armado.
HOLOFERNES  
10
Novi hominem tanquam te. His humor
is lofty, his discourse peremptory, his tongue filed,
his eye ambitious, his gait majestical, and his general
behavior vain, ridiculous, and thrasonical. He is
too picked, too spruce, too affected, too odd, as it
15
were, too peregrinate, as I may call it.
HOLOFERNES  
Novi hominem tanquam te. His humor
is lofty, his discourse peremptory, his tongue filed,
his eye ambitious, his gait majestical, and his general
behavior vain, ridiculous, and thrasonical. He is
too picked, too spruce, too affected, too odd, as it
were, too peregrinate, as I may call it.
NATHANIEL  
A most singular and choice epithet.
NATHANIEL  
A most singular and choice epithet.
Draw out his table book.
Draw out his table book.
HOLOFERNES  
He draweth out the thread of his verbosity
finer than the staple of his argument. I abhor
such fanatical phantasimes, such insociable and
2
0point-devise companions, such rackers of orthography,
as to speak “dout,” fine, when he should
say “doubt”; “det” when he should pronounce
“debt”—d, e, b, t, not d, e, t. He clepeth a calf
“cauf,” half “hauf,” neighbor vocatur “nebor”;
25
neigh abbreviated ne. This is abhominable—which
he would call “abominable.” It insinuateth me of
insanie. Ne intelligis, domine? To make frantic,
lunatic.
HOLOFERNES  
He draweth out the thread of his verbosity
finer than the staple of his argument. I abhor
such fanatical phantasimes, such insociable and
0point-devise companions, such rackers of orthography,
as to speak “dout,” fine, when he should
say “doubt”; “det” when he should pronounce
“debt”—d, e, b, t, not d, e, t. He clepeth a calf
“cauf,” half “hauf,” neighbor vocatur “nebor”;
neigh abbreviated ne. This is abhominable—which
he would call “abominable.” It insinuateth me of
insanie. Ne intelligis, domine? To make frantic,
lunatic.
NATHANIEL  
Laus Deo, bone intelligo.
NATHANIEL  
Laus Deo, bone intelligo.
HOLOFERNES  
30
Bone? Bone for bene? Priscian a little
scratched; ’twill serve.
HOLOFERNES  
Bone? Bone for bene? Priscian a little
scratched; ’twill serve.
Enter ARMADO THE BRAGGART, BOY, and COSTARD.
Enter ARMADO THE BRAGGART, BOY, and COSTARD.
NATHANIEL  
Videsne quis venit?
NATHANIEL  
Videsne quis venit?
HOLOFERNES  
Video, et gaudeo.
HOLOFERNES  
Video, et gaudeo.
ARMADO  
Chirrah.
ARMADO  
Chirrah.
HOLOFERNES  
35
Quare “chirrah,” not “sirrah”?
HOLOFERNES  
Quare “chirrah,” not “sirrah”?
ARMADO  
Men of peace, well encountered.
ARMADO  
Men of peace, well encountered.
HOLOFERNES  
Most military sir, salutation.
HOLOFERNES  
Most military sir, salutation.
BOY, aside to COSTARD
They have been at a great feast
of languages and stolen the scraps.
BOY, aside to COSTARD
They have been at a great feast
of languages and stolen the scraps.
COSTARD, aside to BOY
40
O, they have lived long on the
almsbasket of words. I marvel thy master hath not
eaten thee for a word, for thou art not so long by the
head as honorificabilitudinitatibus. Thou art easier
swallowed than a flapdragon.
COSTARD, aside to BOY
O, they have lived long on the
almsbasket of words. I marvel thy master hath not
eaten thee for a word, for thou art not so long by the
head as honorificabilitudinitatibus. Thou art easier
swallowed than a flapdragon.
BOY, aside to COSTARD
45
Peace, the peal begins.
BOY, aside to COSTARD
Peace, the peal begins.
ARMADO, to HOLOFERNES
Monsieur, are you not
lettered?
ARMADO, to HOLOFERNES
Monsieur, are you not
lettered?
BOY  
Yes, yes, he teaches boys the hornbook.—What is
a, b spelled backward, with the horn on his head?
BOY  
Yes, yes, he teaches boys the hornbook.—What is
a, b spelled backward, with the horn on his head?
HOLOFERNES  
50
Ba, pueritia, with a horn added.
HOLOFERNES  
Ba, pueritia, with a horn added.
BOY  
Ba, most silly sheep, with a horn.—You hear his
learning.
BOY  
Ba, most silly sheep, with a horn.—You hear his
learning.
HOLOFERNES  
Quis, quis, thou consonant?
HOLOFERNES  
Quis, quis, thou consonant?
BOY  
The last of the five vowels, if you repeat them; or
55
the fifth, if I.
BOY  
The last of the five vowels, if you repeat them; or
the fifth, if I.
HOLOFERNES  
I will repeat them: a, e, i—
HOLOFERNES  
I will repeat them: a, e, i—
BOY  
The sheep. The other two concludes it: o, u.
BOY  
The sheep. The other two concludes it: o, u.
ARMADO  
Now by the salt wave of the Mediterraneum,
a sweet touch, a quick venue of wit! Snip, snap,
60
quick and home. It rejoiceth my intellect. True
wit.
ARMADO  
Now by the salt wave of the Mediterraneum,
a sweet touch, a quick venue of wit! Snip, snap,
quick and home. It rejoiceth my intellect. True
wit.
BOY  
Offered by a child to an old man—which is
wit-old.
BOY  
Offered by a child to an old man—which is
wit-old.
HOLOFERNES  
What is the figure? What is the figure?
HOLOFERNES  
What is the figure? What is the figure?
BOY  
65
Horns.
BOY  
Horns.
HOLOFERNES  
Thou disputes like an infant. Go whip thy
gig.
HOLOFERNES  
Thou disputes like an infant. Go whip thy
gig.
BOY  
Lend me your horn to make one, and I will whip
about your infamy—unum cita—a gig of a cuckold’s
70
horn.
BOY  
Lend me your horn to make one, and I will whip
about your infamy—unum cita—a gig of a cuckold’s
horn.
COSTARD  
An I had but one penny in the world, thou
shouldst have it to buy gingerbread! Hold, there is
the very remuneration I had of thy master, thou
halfpenny purse of wit, thou pigeon egg of discretion.
75 He gives him money.
O, an the heavens were
so pleased that thou wert but my bastard, what a
joyful father wouldest thou make me! Go to, thou
hast it ad dunghill, at the fingers’ ends, as they say.
COSTARD  
An I had but one penny in the world, thou
shouldst have it to buy gingerbread! Hold, there is
the very remuneration I had of thy master, thou
halfpenny purse of wit, thou pigeon egg of discretion.
He gives him money.
O, an the heavens were
so pleased that thou wert but my bastard, what a
joyful father wouldest thou make me! Go to, thou
hast it ad dunghill, at the fingers’ ends, as they say.
HOLOFERNES  
Oh, I smell false Latin! Dunghill for
80
unguem.
HOLOFERNES  
Oh, I smell false Latin! Dunghill for
unguem.
ARMADO  
Arts-man, preambulate. We will be singuled
from the barbarous. Do you not educate youth at
the charge-house on the top of the mountain?
ARMADO  
Arts-man, preambulate. We will be singuled
from the barbarous. Do you not educate youth at
the charge-house on the top of the mountain?
HOLOFERNES  
Or mons, the hill.
HOLOFERNES  
Mountain—it’s more of a hill.
ARMADO  
85
At your sweet pleasure, for the mountain.
ARMADO  
At your sweet pleasure, for the mountain.
HOLOFERNES  
I do, sans question.
HOLOFERNES  
I do, sans question.
ARMADO  
Sir, it is the King’s most sweet pleasure and
affection to congratulate the Princess at her pavilion
in the posteriors of this day, which the rude
90
multitude call the afternoon.
ARMADO  
Sir, it is the King’s most sweet pleasure and
affection to congratulate the Princess at her pavilion
in the posteriors of this day, which the rude
multitude call the afternoon.
HOLOFERNES  
“The posterior of the day,” most generous
sir, is liable, congruent, and measurable for
“the afternoon”; the word is well culled, chose,
sweet, and apt, I do assure you, sir, I do assure.
HOLOFERNES  
“The posterior of the day,” most generous
sir, is liable, congruent, and measurable for
“the afternoon”; the word is well culled, chose,
sweet, and apt, I do assure you, sir, I do assure.
ARMADO  
95
Sir, the King is a noble gentleman, and my
familiar, I do assure you, very good friend. For
what is inward between us, let it pass. I do beseech
thee, remember thy courtesy; I beseech thee apparel
thy head. And among other important and most
100
serious designs, and of great import indeed, too—
but let that pass; for I must tell thee, it will please his
Grace, by the world, sometimes to lean upon my
poor shoulder and with his royal finger thus dally
with my excrement, with my mustachio—but,
105
sweetheart, let that pass. By the world, I recount no
fable! Some certain special honors it pleaseth his
Greatness to impart to Armado, a soldier, a man of
travel, that hath seen the world—but let that pass.
The very all of all is—but sweetheart, I do implore
110
secrecy—that the King would have me present the
Princess, sweet chuck, with some delightful ostentation,
or show, or pageant, or antic, or firework.
Now, understanding that the curate and your sweet
self are good at such eruptions and sudden breaking
115
out of mirth, as it were, I have acquainted you
withal to the end to crave your assistance.
ARMADO  
Sir, the King is a noble gentleman, and my
familiar, I do assure you, very good friend. For
what is inward between us, let it pass. I do beseech
thee, remember thy courtesy; I beseech thee apparel
thy head. And among other important and most
serious designs, and of great import indeed, too—
but let that pass; for I must tell thee, it will please his
Grace, by the world, sometimes to lean upon my
poor shoulder and with his royal finger thus dally
with my excrement, with my mustachio—but,
sweetheart, let that pass. By the world, I recount no
fable! Some certain special honors it pleaseth his
Greatness to impart to Armado, a soldier, a man of
travel, that hath seen the world—but let that pass.
The very all of all is—but sweetheart, I do implore
secrecy—that the King would have me present the
Princess, sweet chuck, with some delightful ostentation,
or show, or pageant, or antic, or firework.
Now, understanding that the curate and your sweet
self are good at such eruptions and sudden breaking
out of mirth, as it were, I have acquainted you
withal to the end to crave your assistance.
HOLOFERNES  
Sir, you shall present before her the Nine
Worthies.—Sir Nathaniel, as concerning some
entertainment of time, some show in the posterior
120
of this day, to be rendered by our assistance, the
King’s command, and this most gallant, illustrate,
and learned gentleman, before the Princess—I say,
none so fit as to present the Nine Worthies.
HOLOFERNES  
Sir, you shall present before her the Nine
Worthies.—Sir Nathaniel, as concerning some
entertainment of time, some show in the posterior
of this day, to be rendered by our assistance, the
King’s command, and this most gallant, illustrate,
and learned gentleman, before the Princess—I say,
none so fit as to present the Nine Worthies.
NATHANIEL  
Where will you find men worthy enough to
125
present them?
NATHANIEL  
Where will you find men worthy enough to
present them?
HOLOFERNES  
Joshua, yourself; myself; and this gallant
gentleman, Judas Maccabaeus. This swain, because
of his great limb or joint, shall pass Pompey
the Great; the page, Hercules—
HOLOFERNES  
Joshua, yourself; myself; and this gallant
gentleman, Judas Maccabaeus. This swain, because
of his great limb or joint, shall pass Pompey
the Great; the page, Hercules—
ARMADO  
130
Pardon, sir—error. He is not quantity
enough for that Worthy’s thumb; he is not so big as
the end of his club!
ARMADO  
Pardon, sir—error. He is not quantity
enough for that Worthy’s thumb; he is not so big as
the end of his club!
HOLOFERNES  
Shall I have audience? He shall present
Hercules in minority. His enter and exit shall be
135
strangling a snake; and I will have an apology for
that purpose.
HOLOFERNES  
Shall I have audience? He shall present
Hercules in minority. His enter and exit shall be
strangling a snake; and I will have an apology for
that purpose.
BOY  
An excellent device. So, if any of the audience
hiss, you may cry “Well done, Hercules, now thou
crushest the snake.” That is the way to make an
140
offense gracious, though few have the grace to do it.
BOY  
An excellent device. So, if any of the audience
hiss, you may cry “Well done, Hercules, now thou
crushest the snake.” That is the way to make an
offense gracious, though few have the grace to do it.
ARMADO  
For the rest of the Worthies?
ARMADO  
For the rest of the Worthies?
HOLOFERNES  
I will play three myself.
HOLOFERNES  
I will play three myself.
BOY  
Thrice-worthy gentleman!
BOY  
Thrice-worthy gentleman!
ARMADO, to HOLOFERNES
Shall I tell you a thing?
ARMADO, to HOLOFERNES
Shall I tell you a thing?
HOLOFERNES  
145
We attend.
HOLOFERNES  
We attend.
ARMADO
We will have, if this fadge not, an antic. I
beseech you, follow.
ARMADO
We will have, if this fadge not, an antic. I
beseech you, follow.
HOLOFERNES  
Via, goodman Dull. Thou hast spoken no
word all this while.
HOLOFERNES  
Via, goodman Dull. Thou hast spoken no
word all this while.
DULL  
150
Nor understood none neither, sir.
DULL  
Nor understood none neither, sir.
HOLOFERNES  
Allons! We will employ thee.
HOLOFERNES  
Allons! We will employ thee.
DULL  
I’ll make one in a dance, or so; or I will play on
the tabor to the Worthies and let them dance the
hay.
DULL  
I’ll make one in a dance, or so; or I will play on
the tabor to the Worthies and let them dance the
hay.
HOLOFERNES  
155
Most dull, honest Dull. To our sport!
Away.
HOLOFERNES  
Most dull, honest Dull. To our sport!
Away.
They exit.
They exit.

Original Text

Modern Text
Enter HOLOFERNES THE PEDANT, NATHANIEL THE CURATE, and DULL THE CONSTABLE.
Enter HOLOFERNES THE PEDANT, NATHANIEL THE CURATE, and DULL THE CONSTABLE.
HOLOFERNES  
Satis quid sufficit.
HOLOFERNES  
Satis quid sufficit.
NATHANIEL  
I praise God for you, sir. Your reasons at
dinner have been sharp and sententious, pleasant
without scurrility, witty without affection, audacious
5
without impudency, learned without opinion,
and strange without heresy. I did converse this
quondam day with a companion of the King’s, who
is intituled, nominated, or called Don Adriano de
Armado.
NATHANIEL  
I praise God for you, sir. Your reasons at
dinner have been sharp and sententious, pleasant
without scurrility, witty without affection, audacious
without impudency, learned without opinion,
and strange without heresy. I did converse this
quondam day with a companion of the King’s, who
is intituled, nominated, or called Don Adriano de
Armado.
HOLOFERNES  
10
Novi hominem tanquam te. His humor
is lofty, his discourse peremptory, his tongue filed,
his eye ambitious, his gait majestical, and his general
behavior vain, ridiculous, and thrasonical. He is
too picked, too spruce, too affected, too odd, as it
15
were, too peregrinate, as I may call it.
HOLOFERNES  
Novi hominem tanquam te. His humor
is lofty, his discourse peremptory, his tongue filed,
his eye ambitious, his gait majestical, and his general
behavior vain, ridiculous, and thrasonical. He is
too picked, too spruce, too affected, too odd, as it
were, too peregrinate, as I may call it.
NATHANIEL  
A most singular and choice epithet.
NATHANIEL  
A most singular and choice epithet.
Draw out his table book.
Draw out his table book.
HOLOFERNES  
He draweth out the thread of his verbosity
finer than the staple of his argument. I abhor
such fanatical phantasimes, such insociable and
2
0point-devise companions, such rackers of orthography,
as to speak “dout,” fine, when he should
say “doubt”; “det” when he should pronounce
“debt”—d, e, b, t, not d, e, t. He clepeth a calf
“cauf,” half “hauf,” neighbor vocatur “nebor”;
25
neigh abbreviated ne. This is abhominable—which
he would call “abominable.” It insinuateth me of
insanie. Ne intelligis, domine? To make frantic,
lunatic.
HOLOFERNES  
He draweth out the thread of his verbosity
finer than the staple of his argument. I abhor
such fanatical phantasimes, such insociable and
0point-devise companions, such rackers of orthography,
as to speak “dout,” fine, when he should
say “doubt”; “det” when he should pronounce
“debt”—d, e, b, t, not d, e, t. He clepeth a calf
“cauf,” half “hauf,” neighbor vocatur “nebor”;
neigh abbreviated ne. This is abhominable—which
he would call “abominable.” It insinuateth me of
insanie. Ne intelligis, domine? To make frantic,
lunatic.
NATHANIEL  
Laus Deo, bone intelligo.
NATHANIEL  
Laus Deo, bone intelligo.
HOLOFERNES  
30
Bone? Bone for bene? Priscian a little
scratched; ’twill serve.
HOLOFERNES  
Bone? Bone for bene? Priscian a little
scratched; ’twill serve.
Enter ARMADO THE BRAGGART, BOY, and COSTARD.
Enter ARMADO THE BRAGGART, BOY, and COSTARD.
NATHANIEL  
Videsne quis venit?
NATHANIEL  
Videsne quis venit?
HOLOFERNES  
Video, et gaudeo.
HOLOFERNES  
Video, et gaudeo.
ARMADO  
Chirrah.
ARMADO  
Chirrah.
HOLOFERNES  
35
Quare “chirrah,” not “sirrah”?
HOLOFERNES  
Quare “chirrah,” not “sirrah”?
ARMADO  
Men of peace, well encountered.
ARMADO  
Men of peace, well encountered.
HOLOFERNES  
Most military sir, salutation.
HOLOFERNES  
Most military sir, salutation.
BOY, aside to COSTARD
They have been at a great feast
of languages and stolen the scraps.
BOY, aside to COSTARD
They have been at a great feast
of languages and stolen the scraps.
COSTARD, aside to BOY
40
O, they have lived long on the
almsbasket of words. I marvel thy master hath not
eaten thee for a word, for thou art not so long by the
head as honorificabilitudinitatibus. Thou art easier
swallowed than a flapdragon.
COSTARD, aside to BOY
O, they have lived long on the
almsbasket of words. I marvel thy master hath not
eaten thee for a word, for thou art not so long by the
head as honorificabilitudinitatibus. Thou art easier
swallowed than a flapdragon.
BOY, aside to COSTARD
45
Peace, the peal begins.
BOY, aside to COSTARD
Peace, the peal begins.
ARMADO, to HOLOFERNES
Monsieur, are you not
lettered?
ARMADO, to HOLOFERNES
Monsieur, are you not
lettered?
BOY  
Yes, yes, he teaches boys the hornbook.—What is
a, b spelled backward, with the horn on his head?
BOY  
Yes, yes, he teaches boys the hornbook.—What is
a, b spelled backward, with the horn on his head?
HOLOFERNES  
50
Ba, pueritia, with a horn added.
HOLOFERNES  
Ba, pueritia, with a horn added.
BOY  
Ba, most silly sheep, with a horn.—You hear his
learning.
BOY  
Ba, most silly sheep, with a horn.—You hear his
learning.
HOLOFERNES  
Quis, quis, thou consonant?
HOLOFERNES  
Quis, quis, thou consonant?
BOY  
The last of the five vowels, if you repeat them; or
55
the fifth, if I.
BOY  
The last of the five vowels, if you repeat them; or
the fifth, if I.
HOLOFERNES  
I will repeat them: a, e, i—
HOLOFERNES  
I will repeat them: a, e, i—
BOY  
The sheep. The other two concludes it: o, u.
BOY  
The sheep. The other two concludes it: o, u.
ARMADO  
Now by the salt wave of the Mediterraneum,
a sweet touch, a quick venue of wit! Snip, snap,
60
quick and home. It rejoiceth my intellect. True
wit.
ARMADO  
Now by the salt wave of the Mediterraneum,
a sweet touch, a quick venue of wit! Snip, snap,
quick and home. It rejoiceth my intellect. True
wit.
BOY  
Offered by a child to an old man—which is
wit-old.
BOY  
Offered by a child to an old man—which is
wit-old.
HOLOFERNES  
What is the figure? What is the figure?
HOLOFERNES  
What is the figure? What is the figure?
BOY  
65
Horns.
BOY  
Horns.
HOLOFERNES  
Thou disputes like an infant. Go whip thy
gig.
HOLOFERNES  
Thou disputes like an infant. Go whip thy
gig.
BOY  
Lend me your horn to make one, and I will whip
about your infamy—unum cita—a gig of a cuckold’s
70
horn.
BOY  
Lend me your horn to make one, and I will whip
about your infamy—unum cita—a gig of a cuckold’s
horn.
COSTARD  
An I had but one penny in the world, thou
shouldst have it to buy gingerbread! Hold, there is
the very remuneration I had of thy master, thou
halfpenny purse of wit, thou pigeon egg of discretion.
75 He gives him money.
O, an the heavens were
so pleased that thou wert but my bastard, what a
joyful father wouldest thou make me! Go to, thou
hast it ad dunghill, at the fingers’ ends, as they say.
COSTARD  
An I had but one penny in the world, thou
shouldst have it to buy gingerbread! Hold, there is
the very remuneration I had of thy master, thou
halfpenny purse of wit, thou pigeon egg of discretion.
He gives him money.
O, an the heavens were
so pleased that thou wert but my bastard, what a
joyful father wouldest thou make me! Go to, thou
hast it ad dunghill, at the fingers’ ends, as they say.
HOLOFERNES  
Oh, I smell false Latin! Dunghill for
80
unguem.
HOLOFERNES  
Oh, I smell false Latin! Dunghill for
unguem.
ARMADO  
Arts-man, preambulate. We will be singuled
from the barbarous. Do you not educate youth at
the charge-house on the top of the mountain?
ARMADO  
Arts-man, preambulate. We will be singuled
from the barbarous. Do you not educate youth at
the charge-house on the top of the mountain?
HOLOFERNES  
Or mons, the hill.
HOLOFERNES  
Mountain—it’s more of a hill.
ARMADO  
85
At your sweet pleasure, for the mountain.
ARMADO  
At your sweet pleasure, for the mountain.
HOLOFERNES  
I do, sans question.
HOLOFERNES  
I do, sans question.
ARMADO  
Sir, it is the King’s most sweet pleasure and
affection to congratulate the Princess at her pavilion
in the posteriors of this day, which the rude
90
multitude call the afternoon.
ARMADO  
Sir, it is the King’s most sweet pleasure and
affection to congratulate the Princess at her pavilion
in the posteriors of this day, which the rude
multitude call the afternoon.
HOLOFERNES  
“The posterior of the day,” most generous
sir, is liable, congruent, and measurable for
“the afternoon”; the word is well culled, chose,
sweet, and apt, I do assure you, sir, I do assure.
HOLOFERNES  
“The posterior of the day,” most generous
sir, is liable, congruent, and measurable for
“the afternoon”; the word is well culled, chose,
sweet, and apt, I do assure you, sir, I do assure.
ARMADO  
95
Sir, the King is a noble gentleman, and my
familiar, I do assure you, very good friend. For
what is inward between us, let it pass. I do beseech
thee, remember thy courtesy; I beseech thee apparel
thy head. And among other important and most
100
serious designs, and of great import indeed, too—
but let that pass; for I must tell thee, it will please his
Grace, by the world, sometimes to lean upon my
poor shoulder and with his royal finger thus dally
with my excrement, with my mustachio—but,
105
sweetheart, let that pass. By the world, I recount no
fable! Some certain special honors it pleaseth his
Greatness to impart to Armado, a soldier, a man of
travel, that hath seen the world—but let that pass.
The very all of all is—but sweetheart, I do implore
110
secrecy—that the King would have me present the
Princess, sweet chuck, with some delightful ostentation,
or show, or pageant, or antic, or firework.
Now, understanding that the curate and your sweet
self are good at such eruptions and sudden breaking
115
out of mirth, as it were, I have acquainted you
withal to the end to crave your assistance.
ARMADO  
Sir, the King is a noble gentleman, and my
familiar, I do assure you, very good friend. For
what is inward between us, let it pass. I do beseech
thee, remember thy courtesy; I beseech thee apparel
thy head. And among other important and most
serious designs, and of great import indeed, too—
but let that pass; for I must tell thee, it will please his
Grace, by the world, sometimes to lean upon my
poor shoulder and with his royal finger thus dally
with my excrement, with my mustachio—but,
sweetheart, let that pass. By the world, I recount no
fable! Some certain special honors it pleaseth his
Greatness to impart to Armado, a soldier, a man of
travel, that hath seen the world—but let that pass.
The very all of all is—but sweetheart, I do implore
secrecy—that the King would have me present the
Princess, sweet chuck, with some delightful ostentation,
or show, or pageant, or antic, or firework.
Now, understanding that the curate and your sweet
self are good at such eruptions and sudden breaking
out of mirth, as it were, I have acquainted you
withal to the end to crave your assistance.
HOLOFERNES  
Sir, you shall present before her the Nine
Worthies.—Sir Nathaniel, as concerning some
entertainment of time, some show in the posterior
120
of this day, to be rendered by our assistance, the
King’s command, and this most gallant, illustrate,
and learned gentleman, before the Princess—I say,
none so fit as to present the Nine Worthies.
HOLOFERNES  
Sir, you shall present before her the Nine
Worthies.—Sir Nathaniel, as concerning some
entertainment of time, some show in the posterior
of this day, to be rendered by our assistance, the
King’s command, and this most gallant, illustrate,
and learned gentleman, before the Princess—I say,
none so fit as to present the Nine Worthies.
NATHANIEL  
Where will you find men worthy enough to
125
present them?
NATHANIEL  
Where will you find men worthy enough to
present them?
HOLOFERNES  
Joshua, yourself; myself; and this gallant
gentleman, Judas Maccabaeus. This swain, because
of his great limb or joint, shall pass Pompey
the Great; the page, Hercules—
HOLOFERNES  
Joshua, yourself; myself; and this gallant
gentleman, Judas Maccabaeus. This swain, because
of his great limb or joint, shall pass Pompey
the Great; the page, Hercules—
ARMADO  
130
Pardon, sir—error. He is not quantity
enough for that Worthy’s thumb; he is not so big as
the end of his club!
ARMADO  
Pardon, sir—error. He is not quantity
enough for that Worthy’s thumb; he is not so big as
the end of his club!
HOLOFERNES  
Shall I have audience? He shall present
Hercules in minority. His enter and exit shall be
135
strangling a snake; and I will have an apology for
that purpose.
HOLOFERNES  
Shall I have audience? He shall present
Hercules in minority. His enter and exit shall be
strangling a snake; and I will have an apology for
that purpose.
BOY  
An excellent device. So, if any of the audience
hiss, you may cry “Well done, Hercules, now thou
crushest the snake.” That is the way to make an
140
offense gracious, though few have the grace to do it.
BOY  
An excellent device. So, if any of the audience
hiss, you may cry “Well done, Hercules, now thou
crushest the snake.” That is the way to make an
offense gracious, though few have the grace to do it.
ARMADO  
For the rest of the Worthies?
ARMADO  
For the rest of the Worthies?
HOLOFERNES  
I will play three myself.
HOLOFERNES  
I will play three myself.
BOY  
Thrice-worthy gentleman!
BOY  
Thrice-worthy gentleman!
ARMADO, to HOLOFERNES
Shall I tell you a thing?
ARMADO, to HOLOFERNES
Shall I tell you a thing?
HOLOFERNES  
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We attend.
HOLOFERNES  
We attend.
ARMADO
We will have, if this fadge not, an antic. I
beseech you, follow.
ARMADO
We will have, if this fadge not, an antic. I
beseech you, follow.
HOLOFERNES  
Via, goodman Dull. Thou hast spoken no
word all this while.
HOLOFERNES  
Via, goodman Dull. Thou hast spoken no
word all this while.
DULL  
150
Nor understood none neither, sir.
DULL  
Nor understood none neither, sir.
HOLOFERNES  
Allons! We will employ thee.
HOLOFERNES  
Allons! We will employ thee.
DULL  
I’ll make one in a dance, or so; or I will play on
the tabor to the Worthies and let them dance the
hay.
DULL  
I’ll make one in a dance, or so; or I will play on
the tabor to the Worthies and let them dance the
hay.
HOLOFERNES  
155
Most dull, honest Dull. To our sport!
Away.
HOLOFERNES  
Most dull, honest Dull. To our sport!
Away.
They exit.
They exit.
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