You know what’s just the worst? Opening gifts in front of people. I don’t understand why we do this to each other. You run the risk of opening a present that you have no idea what to do with, and then having to engage in the longstanding social charade of acting like it’s the greatest gift anyone has ever received.
This year, I would like to propose an alternate solution: we all agree say what we’re really thinking when we get a bad gift, only we use Shakespeare quotes. You know, take the truth and dress it up in Shakespeare verbiage to soften the blow. That way, people will think we’re articulate and cerebral rather than just jerks. Stuck on what to say? Might I suggest: