Homework help made hilarious.

blog banner

17 Ways to Tell You’re Dating a Ravenclaw

People who are dating Ravenclaws have to put up with a lot. I know this because I myself am a Ravenclaw, and a handful. Are you dating a Ravenclaw? You might be and you don’t even know it, except that’s a lie—if you were dating a Ravenclaw, you’d totally know it. Here’s how:

1. They will hardly ever text you first. In fact, you will always text them slightly more than they text you. This is not your fault. It’s not something you’re doing wrong; it’s not something you could be doing better. They are fickle, and forgetful. It is simply their nature.

2. They’re not good with pop culture. It just isn’t their thing. Ask them to identify a celebrity, and their best guess will be “Maybe a Hemsworth?”

3. You probably met at a library, coffee shop, academic lecture, or 2 PM showing of Ruby Sparks at your local state theater where the two of you were the only ones in attendance.

4. Secretly, they believe there is such a thing as a dumb question, so tread carefully.

5. They are obsessive. They will latch onto whatever book, movie, or TV show is currently of interest to them, and you will have to hear about it.

6. It’s easier to divert a river from its natural course than to suggest to a Ravenclaw that they “go to bed early.”

7. When forced to attend a party, get-together, or any other type of social gathering, they will be wracked with anxiety until they find the dog.

8. Their favorite season is autumn, also known as “curling up under an electric blanket even though it’s not actually that cold out yet, but whatever” weather.

9. They are prone to Wikipedia binge-reads. Give them fifteen minutes of uninterrupted Internet time, and they will have somehow jumped from The War of 1812 to the buttered cat paradox.

10. They can memorize things like the periodic table of the elements or the lyrics to “We Didn’t Start the Fire,” but Netflix passwords? Birthdays? Anniversaries? They often don’t have the headspace for it. They try, and they usually fail.

11. Ravenclaws have “a usual” at their favorite restaurant, and they rarely care to stray.

12. If they are not sitting at the front of the classroom, taking avid notes, they are sitting in back where they can doodle without fear of retribution.

13. Relatedly, they will always be either extremely late or stupidly early. Ravenclaws have no interest in the middle ground.

14. They have cold hands. Every single one of them. This makes holding hands with a Ravenclaw somewhat alarming. So when you are walking together down the street and their hand slips into yours, be ready for the ice-cold grasp of death.

15. For your birthday, you will be getting books that made them think of you.

16. Speaking of books, they will visibly flinch when you dog-ear the pages. Either that or they will go out of their way to tell you that they don’t care one whit whether or not you dog-ear the pages. This is a hot-button issue, and they have an opinion about it.

17. They are very specific about what they like on their pizza. If they say they will have whatever you’re having, just know they are lying through their teeth. But if they are willing to eat black olives and pineapple for you, that must mean they really, really like you. So, a good sign. I can say for a fact that whatever you guys have is real.