According to every English teacher I have ever had, the greatest sin of all is ending your essay with the phrase “in conclusion.” I mean, okay, it may not be gluttony or hubris or murder, but it’s up there.
This used to stump me. What would they have me do? I only know a finite number of words, “in” and “conclusion” being two of them. Some might suggest instead using phrases like “in closing,” “overall,” and “by and large,” but those people are boring. They are dead inside. Have some fun with it! Go crazy! Jazz up your essay’s conclusion by using one of THESE:
1. And them’s the facts.
2. So yeah.
3. We’re done here.
4. You feel me?
5. Thank you for your patience. I hope this matter has been resolved to your satisfaction.
6. Love you.
7. The end… or is it?
8. Am I right, or am I right?
9. If you’re reading this, it’s not too late, but you don’t have much time—they are coming.
10. Sent from my iPhone
11. No pun intended.
12. And that’s the way the cookie crumbles.
13. Just saying.
14. That’s all, folks!
15. We will see each other again, either in this life or the next.
16. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
17. Vive la révolution!
19. May you ride shiny and chrome through the gates of Valhalla.
20. Once you have finished reading this essay, kindly burn the pages and scatter the ashes.
21. Full stop.
22. I stand by everything I said.
23. I’ll see you in hell.
25. I beg to remain, sir, your most humble and obedient servant.
26. To be continued.
27. Carthage must be destroyed.
28. Peace out, Girl Scout.
29. I know not what course others may take, but as for me, give me liberty or give me death.