Everything That Happened in 2018, Summed Up in Shakespeare Quotes

Remember 2018? Neither do I. I know the Royal Wedding happened, and I know over the summer we found an ancient sarcophagus that was full of black sewage, and I know Kanye West was tweeting dubiously during all of this. But I can’t say for certain whether the Roman Catholic Met Gala was this year or last without Googling it, and what about Zendaya is Meechee? Was that really only SEPTEMBER?

On the one hand, we’re being fed trending media at an alarming rate which is probably why it feels like everything happened this year yet we can barely remember any of it. On the other hand, who cares? Time is a construct and oblivion is calling. Here’s a bunch of stuff that happened this year, summed up in Shakespeare quotes.

(And if you want to feel approximately 5,000 years old, here are the ones we did for 2016 and 2017. You’re welcome!)

When Ariana Grande and Pete Davidson broke up:
“I am sick of this false world, and will love nought.”
—Timon of Athens, Act 4, Scene 3

When that sinkhole opened up on the White House lawn and it felt like a really obvious metaphor for the state of things:
“What subtle hole is this?”
—Titus Andronicus, Act 2, Scene 3

When IHOP briefly changed its name to IHOb and then back again within about two weeks:
“Now I’ll stand to it, the pancakes were naught.”
—As You Like It, Act 1, Scene 2

Basically everyone’s response to being asked to host the Oscars:
“Base tike, call’st thou me host? Now, by this hand,
I swear, I scorn the term.”
—Henry V, Act 2, Scene 1

When we all got that presidential text alert:
“Alack, what noise is this?”
—Hamlet, Act 4, Scene 5

When every media outlet on the planet became convinced that teens were eating Tide Pods:
“Our present business
Is general woe.”
—King Lear, Act 5, Scene 3

When you ordered a Caesar salad only to find out Romaine lettuce had just been recalled:
“O, get thee from my sight;
Thou gavest me poison.”
—Cymbeline, Act 5, Scene 5

When that finance article was going around saying you should have twice your salary saved up by the time you’re 35:
“But how, but how? give me particulars.”
—Antony and Cleopatra, Act 1, Scene 2

When Avengers: Infinity War came out:
“When sorrows come, they come not single spies,
But in battalions.”
—Hamlet, Act 4, Scene 5

How we all felt whenever a celebrity started trending on Twitter:
“What news, what news, in this our
tott’ring state?”
—Richard III, Act 3, Scene 2

When Ruth Bader Ginsburg broke three ribs and half the Internet offered to donate theirs but it’s okay because she was back in the gym like a month later:
“Age cannot wither her, nor custom stale
Her infinite variety.”
—Antony and Cleopatra, Act 2, Scene 2

When that beautiful Mandarin duck appeared in Central Park:
“Eyes, do you see?
How can it be?
O dainty duck! O dear!”
—A Midsummer Night’s Dream, Act 5, Scene 1

When scientists told us we have about ten years to cut carbon emissions before the damage becomes irreversible:
“It is the quality o’ th’ climate.”
—The Tempest, Act 2, Scene 1

When Stephen Hawking died:
“O, learn’d indeed were that astronomer
That knew the stars.”
—Cymbeline, Act 3, Scene 2

When Aretha Franklin died:
“Death lies on her like an untimely frost
Upon the sweetest flower of all the field.”
—Romeo and Juliet, Act 4, Scene 5

Basically everyone in the weeks leading up to the midterms:
“Thy frank election make;
Thou hast power to choose…”
—All’s Well That Ends Well, Act 2, Scene 3

How we feel about 2018:
“Well, get thee gone, farewell.”
—Antony and Cleopatra, Act 5, Scene 2

How we’re going into 2019:
“March on, join bravely, let us to it pell-mell;
If not to heaven, then hand in hand to hell.”
—Richard III, Act 5, Scene 3