It’s easy to forget that life is short, that our time here is precious, that every moment should be cherished because we’re that much closer to dying.
It’s easy to forget these things because we don’t have SEA MONSTERS, OMENS OF DEATH, and THE DIVINE RETRIBUTION OF ZEUS waiting for us around every corner. Not like in Greek mythology. In Greek mythology, you were never NOT aware of your own mortality. If you could go ONE DAY without dying as a result of your own hubris or getting sacrificed to the gods for a favorable wind, it was a good day.
Worse than the ever-looming threat of death, however? The fact that nobody in Greek mythology had texting. (What did they do while they were waiting for death? Just sit there? I can’t even wait for my friends at the movie theater for more than two minutes without getting out my phone.) And because nobody had texting back in those days, I’ve taken it upon myself to right this heinous wrong. Here’s how the most iconic Greek myths would play out in the form of texts.