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Summary
Part I: Peacehaven, October 1999
Section 3, from I’ve been thinking about the first time I heard the phrase unnatural practices through “I want you to be my wife,” he said.
In 1999, Marion remembers when, as a teacher, she had overheard older teachers in the staff room talking about a man accused of “unnatural practices.”. Marion had recently dreamed of Tom on top of her, their bodies joined as one, a recurring dream she’s had for the past 40 years. Reflecting on the past, Marion wonders if her anxieties at the beginning of her relationship with Tom were driven by a fear that her own sexual behavior would be subject to disapproval if others knew that she desired Tom too much. Marion reflects that none of the other relationships around her seemed charged by the kind of sexual desire she felt toward Tom. Sylvie had commented about being afraid of Roy’s touch, and her mother, who often kissed her father, discouraged him from touching her further.
In February 1958, Marion stays late at St. Luke’s on a Friday evening to avoid her parents’ questions about Tom. Enjoying the quiet of the empty school, she is startled by Julia’s arrival at her classroom door and relieved when Julia does not comment on her not being out with her boyfriend. They walk home together, and Julia asks how Marion is adjusting to teaching. Marion laughs at Julia’s irreverent comments about her rambunctious student Alice Rumbold. When they part, Julia says they should walk together again.
By spring, Marion is becoming impatient, worrying that she is aging and will miss the chance to get married. While she sees Tom often, it is usually in the company of Patrick, and Tom has only kissed her cheek once. On a particular Saturday, Tom comes to her house to pick her up. She has not told her parents he will be coming, and she enjoys their meeting him. Her father is pleased that Tom is a policeman and her mother giggles when Tom laughs. When they leave the house, she learns that Patrick is in London for the weekend, and she wants to take the opportunity to act like other couples, pushing Tom into a bar for a drink together. When Tom makes her leave the bar right away, she is furious, saying that she just wants to spend time alone with him. To her surprise, Tom kisses her outside the bar.
After the kiss, Tom and Marion walk together by the seafront. Tom walks Marion to Patrick’s apartment, which he unlocks. Marion expects Patrick to appear, but Tom confirms that they are alone and kisses her, then begins showing her around the apartment with great excitement. When Marion asks why he has the keys, he says Patrick has told him that they can use the apartment while he is away. Marion realizes Tom has been to Patrick’s apartment often and asks if the keys are his. They drink brandy and eat the leftover chicken in the refrigerator while Tom glows over Patrick’s sophistication. Tom leads Marion into the spare room. They are both tipsy, and as they stand by the bed, Tom tells Marion he hasn’t done this before. She is surprised and says they don’t have to do anything, hoping this will lead him to go further. Instead, he kneels in front of her while she sits on the bed and holds her. She is still, despite wanting to throw him onto the bed and throw herself onto him. Tom then declares he wants to marry her.
Analysis
In this section of the novel, Marion reflects on the notion of unnatural desire. While in the staff room at school, Marion had heard the phrase “unnatural practices” for the first time, seeming to refer to gay behavior. At the time of this conversation, Marion’s conscious concerns about unnatural desires had related to Tom and the things Sylvie had implied about him, but in retrospect she realizes she was also concerned that her own sexual desires for Tom could equally have been deemed unnatural, not because of his gender but because of hers. Although heterosexual relationships are considered the appropriate context for sexual desire in her society, Marion observes that even women like her mother and Sylvie do not show signs of the intense desire she has for Tom. In this way, Marion’s desire for Tom is, like Tom’s desire for Patrick, outside the boundaries of social convention.
Tom’s decision to propose to Marion in Patrick’s apartment indicates his intention from the beginning to include Patrick in their marriage. Although Patrick is out of town, the apartment is imbued with his character. It is cosmopolitan, with tasteful furnishings and a kitchen filled with fancy tools, exotic ingredients, and an up-to-date European cookbook, all pointing to Patrick’s maturity and sophistication. Seeing their reflection in the window, Marion tries to imagine that they are the couple who belongs in this apartment, but she cannot shake the feeling that they are in the wrong place. While being in Patrick’s space suits Tom’s goal of maintaining his relationship with Patrick while reaping the benefits of marriage to Marion, for Marion the situation feels more uneasy. The sophistication of Patrick’s apartment represents the entry to the world of high culture that connection to him will give her. But it also makes her feel distinctly out of place, foreshadowing the way Patrick’s relationship with Tom often makes her an outsider in her own relationship.
Tom’s confession to Marion that he has never had sex before shows a vulnerability that stands in contrast to his confidence as a policeman and as a swimmer. Remembering the moment, Marion feels love for him because of his willingness to be vulnerable with her. This moment illustrates the poignant quality of the connection they share in spite of their sexual incompatibility, an example of the value of emotional connection. Although Marion is far more physically attracted to Tom than he is to her, they nevertheless share a special bond that is different from the one Tom shares with Patrick. Both Tom and Marion are in a process of discovering who they are as people, sexually but also on the level of identity, exploring art as they search for themselves and wrestling with big ideas that have personal consequences. While Marion wishes Tom were more sexually aggressive, she loves him for his willingness in that moment to admit his lack of experience rather than pretending to have the sexual confidence men are expected to have in their culture.
