As You Like It

William Shakespeare
No Fear Act 3 Scene 3
No Fear Act 3 Scene 3 Page 4

Original Text

Modern Text

TOUCHSTONE

As the ox hath his bow, sir, the horse his curb, and the falcon her bells, so man hath his desires; and as pigeons bill, so wedlock would be nibbling.

TOUCHSTONE

Just as the ox has his yoke, the horse its bridle, the falcon a tether, a man has his desires—to keep in check.

JAQUES

And will you, being a man of your breeding, be married under a bush like a beggar? Get you to church, and have a good priest that can tell you what marriage is. This fellow will but join you together as they join wainscot. Then one of you will prove a shrunk panel and, like green timber, warp, warp.

JAQUES

And, being a man of your breeding, you’re going to be married under some shrubs like a beggar? Get yourself to a church and have a proper priest, who can tell you what marriage is all about, marry you. This man here will slap you two together like two pieces of wood panelling. Then one of you will warp and pull away—and there goes your marriage.

TOUCHSTONE

(aside) I am not in the mind but I were better to be married of him than of another, for he is not like to marry me well, and not being well married, it will be a good excuse for me hereafter to leave my wife.

TOUCHSTONE

(to himself) I’d rather have this guy marry us, because he is not likely to marry us well, and if we’re not married properly, I’ll have a better excuse later to leave my wife.

JAQUES

Go thou with me, and let me counsel thee.

JAQUES

Come with me and let me advise you.

TOUCHSTONE

Come, sweet Audrey. We must be married, or we must live in bawdry.—Farewell, good Master Oliver, not
O sweet Oliver,
80 O brave Oliver,
Leave me not behind thee
But
Wind away,
Begone, I say,
85 I will not to wedding with thee.

TOUCHSTONE

Come, sweet Audrey. We have to be married properly. Otherwise, we’ll be living in sin.—Goodbye, Sir Oliver. We’re not singing,
Oh, sweet Oliver
Don’t leave me behind—
but,
Go away, wind
Go, I say,
I’m not going to marry you.
Exeunt JAQUES, TOUCHSTONE, and AUDREY
JAQUES, TOUCHSTONE, and AUDREY exit.

SIR OLIVER MARTEXT

'Tis no matter. Ne'er a fantastical knave of them all shall flout me out of my calling.

SIR OLIVER MARTEXT

It doesn’t matter to me. None of these deranged rascals can shake me from my profession.
Exit
He exits.