As You Like It

by: William Shakespeare

Original Text

Modern Text

ROSALIND
Break an hour’s promise in love? He that will divide a minute into a thousand parts and break but a part of the thousand part of a minute in the affairs of love, it may be said of him that Cupid hath clapped him o' th' shoulder, but I’ll warrant him heart-whole.
ROSALIND
You’d break a date with your beloved by a whole hour? A man who will dare to meet his lover even a thousandth part of a minute late—well, it’s possible he likes her, but I doubt he really loves the woman.
ORLANDO
Pardon me, dear Rosalind.
ORLANDO
Forgive me, darling Rosalind.
ROSALIND
45Nay, an you be so tardy, come no more in my sight. I had as lief be wooed of a snail.
ROSALIND
No, if you’re ever late like this again, I’ll refuse to see you. I’d rather be wooed by a snail.
ORLANDO
Of a snail?
ORLANDO
A snail?
ROSALIND
Ay, of a snail, for though he comes slowly, he carries his house on his head—a better jointure, I think, than you make a woman. Besides, he brings his destiny with him.
ROSALIND
Yes, a snail. Because even though he’s slow, he carries his house on his head—a better offer than you can make a woman, I think. Besides, he brings his fate with him.
ORLANDO
What’s that?
ORLANDO
What fate is that?
ROSALIND
Why, horns, which such as you are fain to be beholding to your wives for. But he comes armed in his fortune and prevents the slander of his wife.
ROSALIND
Why, his cuckold’s horns, of course—the kind you men are always blaming on your wives. See, the snail already has its horns, which prevents nasty rumors from spreading about his wife’s infidelity.
ORLANDO
55Virtue is no hornmaker, and my Rosalind is virtuous.
ORLANDO
A virtuous woman won’t give her husband horns, and my Rosalind is definitely virtuous.
ROSALIND
And I am your Rosalind.
ROSALIND
And I am your Rosalind.
CELIA
(as Aliena) It pleases him to call you so, but he hath a
Rosalind of a better leer than you.
CELIA
(as Aliena) He likes calling you that, but he’s got another Rosalind out there with a prettier face.