As You Like It

William Shakespeare
No Fear Act 5 Scene 1
No Fear Act 5 Scene 1 Page 3

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TOUCHSTONE

Then learn this of me: to have is to have. For it is a figure in rhetoric that drink, being poured out of a cup into a glass, by filling the one doth empty the other. For all your writers do consent that ipse is “he.” Now, you are not ipse, for I am he.

TOUCHSTONE

Then learn this from me: if you have something, you have it. Everyone knows that when you pour a drink out of a cup and into a glass, the cup becomes empty. And all the authorities know that ipse is Latin for “he.” You are no longer ipse, because I am he.

WILLIAM

Which he, sir?

WILLIAM

Which he, sir?

TOUCHSTONE

He, sir, that must marry this woman. Therefore, you clown, abandon—which is, in the vulgar, “leave”—the society—which in the boorish is “company”—of this female—which in the common is “woman”; which together is, abandon the society of this female, or, clown, thou perishest; or, to thy better understanding, diest; or, to wit, I kill thee, make thee away, translate thy life into death, thy liberty into bondage. I will deal in poison with thee, or in bastinado, or in steel. I will bandy with thee in faction. I will o'errun thee with policy. I will kill thee a hundred and fifty ways. Therefore tremble and depart.

TOUCHSTONE

Why, the he that will marry this woman. Therefore, idiot, abandon (or, in common language, “leave”) the society (which in the boorish tongue is “company”) of this female—maybe you’ll get it if I say “woman,” instead. Say it all at once, now: abandon the society of this female, or, simpleton, you’ll perish. Let me put it in a way you’ll understand: you’ll die. Or, rather, I’ll kill you, or I’ll do away with you, or I’ll turn your life into death and your freedom into captivity. I’ll poison you, or beat you with a club, or stab you with a sword. I’ll bandy you about and overwhelm you with my cleverness. I will, in other words, kill you in three hundred and fifty ways. Therefore, tremble with fear and leave.

AUDREY

Do, good William.

AUDREY

Do what he says, William.

WILLIAM

God rest you merry, sir.

WILLIAM

Farewell, sir.
Exit
He exits.
Enter CORIN
CORIN enters.

CORIN

55Our master and mistress seeks you. Come away, away.

CORIN

Our master and mistress are looking for you. Let’s go.

TOUCHSTONE

Trip, Audrey, trip, Audrey.—I attend, I attend.

TOUCHSTONE

Hurry up, Audrey, hurry.—I’m coming, I’m coming.
Exeunt
They all exit.