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No Fear Translations

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Enter LEONATO,  ANTONIO, HERO, BEATRICE, URSULA,  and MARGARET
Enter LEONATO,  ANTONIO, HERO, BEATRICE, URSULA,  and MARGARET

LEONATO

Was not Count John here at supper?

LEONATO

Was not Count John here at supper?

ANTONIO

I saw him not.

ANTONIO

I saw him not.

BEATRICE

How tartly that gentleman looks! I never can see him but I
am heartburned an hour after.

BEATRICE

How tartly that gentleman looks! I never can see him but I
am heartburned an hour after.

HERO

5 He is of a very melancholy disposition.

HERO

He is of a very melancholy disposition.

BEATRICE

He were an excellent man that were made just in the
midway between him and Benedick. The one is too like an
image and says nothing, and the other too like my lady’s
eldest son, evermore tattling.

BEATRICE

He were an excellent man that were made just in the
midway between him and Benedick. The one is too like an
image and says nothing, and the other too like my lady’s
eldest son, evermore tattling.

LEONATO

Then half Signor Benedick’s tongue in Count John’s
mouth, and half Count John’s melancholy in Signor
Benedick’s face—

LEONATO

Then half Signor Benedick’s tongue in Count John’s
mouth, and half Count John’s melancholy in Signor
Benedick’s face—

BEATRICE

With a good leg and a good foot, uncle, and money enough
in his purse, such a man would win any woman in the
15 world, if he could get her goodwill.

BEATRICE

With a good leg and a good foot, uncle, and money enough
in his purse, such a man would win any woman in the
world, if he could get her goodwill.

LEONATO

By my troth, niece, thou wilt never get thee a husband if
thou be so shrewd of thy tongue.

LEONATO

By my troth, niece, thou wilt never get thee a husband if
thou be so shrewd of thy tongue.

ANTONIO

In faith, she’s too curst.

ANTONIO

In faith, she’s too curst.

BEATRICE

Too curst is more than curst. I shall lessen God’s sending
that way, for it is said, “God sends a curst cow short horns,”
but to a cow too curst, he sends none.

BEATRICE

Too curst is more than curst. I shall lessen God’s sending
that way, for it is said, “God sends a curst cow short horns,”
but to a cow too curst, he sends none.

LEONATO

So, by being too curst, God will send you no horns.

LEONATO

So, by being too curst, God will send you no horns.

BEATRICE

Just, if he send me no husband, for the which blessing I am
at him upon my knees every morning and evening. Lord, I
25 could not endure a husband with a beard on his face! I had
rather lie in the woolen.

BEATRICE

Just, if he send me no husband, for the which blessing I am
at him upon my knees every morning and evening. Lord, I
could not endure a husband with a beard on his face! I had
rather lie in the woolen.

LEONATO

You may light on a husband that hath no beard.

LEONATO

You may light on a husband that hath no beard.

BEATRICE

What should I do with him? Dress him in my apparel and
make him my waiting gentlewoman? He that hath a beard
30 is more than a youth, and he that hath no beard is less than
a man; and he that is more than a youth is not for me, and
he that is less than a man, I am not for him. Therefore I will
even take sixpence in earnest of the bearherd, and lead his
apes into hell.

BEATRICE

What should I do with him? Dress him in my apparel and
make him my waiting gentlewoman? He that hath a beard
is more than a youth, and he that hath no beard is less than
a man; and he that is more than a youth is not for me, and
he that is less than a man, I am not for him. Therefore I will
even take sixpence in earnest of the bearherd, and lead his
apes into hell.

LEONATO

35 Well then, go you into hell?

LEONATO

Well then, go you into hell?

BEATRICE

No, but to the gate, and there will the devil meet me like an
old cuckold with horns on his head, and say, “Get you to
heaven, Beatrice, get you to heaven; here’s no place for you
maids.” So deliver I up my apes and away to Saint Peter. For
40 the heavens, he shows me where the bachelors sit, and there
live we as merry as the day is long.

BEATRICE

No, but to the gate, and there will the devil meet me like an
old cuckold with horns on his head, and say, “Get you to
heaven, Beatrice, get you to heaven; here’s no place for you
maids.” So deliver I up my apes and away to Saint Peter. For
the heavens, he shows me where the bachelors sit, and there
live we as merry as the day is long.

ANTONIO

(to HERO)Well, niece, I trust you will be ruled by your
father.

ANTONIO

(to HERO)Well, niece, I trust you will be ruled by your
father.

BEATRICE

Yes, faith, it is my cousin’s duty to make curtsy and say,
“Father, as it please you.” But yet for all that, cousin, let
him be a handsome fellow, or else make another curtsy and
say, “Father, as it please me.”

BEATRICE

Yes, faith, it is my cousin’s duty to make curtsy and say,
“Father, as it please you.” But yet for all that, cousin, let
him be a handsome fellow, or else make another curtsy and
say, “Father, as it please me.”

LEONATO

Well, niece, I hope to see you one day fitted with a husband.

LEONATO

Well, niece, I hope to see you one day fitted with a husband.

BEATRICE

Not till God make men of some other metal than earth.
50 Would it not grieve a woman to be overmastered with a
piece of valiant dust? To make an account of her life to a clod
of wayward marl? No, uncle, I’ll none. Adam’s sons are my
brethren, and truly I hold it a sin to match in my kindred.

BEATRICE

Not till God make men of some other metal than earth.
Would it not grieve a woman to be overmastered with a
piece of valiant dust? To make an account of her life to a clod
of wayward marl? No, uncle, I’ll none. Adam’s sons are my
brethren, and truly I hold it a sin to match in my kindred.

LEONATO

(to HERO) Daughter, remember what I told you. If the
55 Prince do solicit you in that kind, you know your answer.

LEONATO

(to HERO) Daughter, remember what I told you. If the
Prince do solicit you in that kind, you know your answer.

BEATRICE

The fault will be in the music, cousin, if you be not wooed
in good time. If the Prince be too important, tell him there
is measure in everything, and so dance out the answer. For
hear me, Hero, wooing, wedding, and repenting is as a
60 Scotch jig, a measure, and a cinquepace. The first suit is hot
and hasty like a Scotch jig, and full as fantastical; the
wedding, mannerly modest as a measure, full of state and
ancientry; and then comes repentance, and with his bad
legs falls into the cinquepace faster and faster till he sink
65 into his grave.

BEATRICE

The fault will be in the music, cousin, if you be not wooed
in good time. If the Prince be too important, tell him there
is measure in everything, and so dance out the answer. For
hear me, Hero, wooing, wedding, and repenting is as a
Scotch jig, a measure, and a cinquepace. The first suit is hot
and hasty like a Scotch jig, and full as fantastical; the
wedding, mannerly modest as a measure, full of state and
ancientry; and then comes repentance, and with his bad
legs falls into the cinquepace faster and faster till he sink
into his grave.

LEONATO

Cousin, you apprehend passing shrewdly.

LEONATO

Cousin, you apprehend passing shrewdly.

BEATRICE

I have a good eye, uncle. I can see a church by daylight.

BEATRICE

I have a good eye, uncle. I can see a church by daylight.

LEONATO

The revelers are entering, brother. Make good room.

LEONATO

The revelers are entering, brother. Make good room.
Enter DON PEDRO CLAUDIO , BENEDICK BALTHASAR , DON JOHN BORACHIO , MARGARET URSULA and others, masked
Enter DON PEDRO CLAUDIO , BENEDICK BALTHASAR , DON JOHN BORACHIO , MARGARET URSULA and others, masked

DON PEDRO

Lady, will you walk a bout with your friend?

DON PEDRO

Lady, will you walk a bout with your friend?
They begin to dance
They begin to dance

HERO

70 So you walk softly, and look sweetly, and say nothing, I am
yours for the walk, and especially when I walk away.

HERO

So you walk softly, and look sweetly, and say nothing, I am
yours for the walk, and especially when I walk away.

DON PEDRO

With me in your company?

DON PEDRO

With me in your company?

HERO

I may say so when I please.

HERO

I may say so when I please.

DON PEDRO

And when please you to say so?

DON PEDRO

And when please you to say so?

HERO

75 When I like your favor, for God defend the lute should be
like the case!

HERO

When I like your favor, for God defend the lute should be
like the case!

DON PEDRO

My visor is Philemon’s roof; within the house is Jove.

DON PEDRO

My visor is Philemon’s roof; within the house is Jove.

HERO

Why, then, your visor should be thatched.

HERO

Why, then, your visor should be thatched.

DON PEDRO

Speak low if you speak love.

DON PEDRO

Speak low if you speak love.
They move aside. BALTHASAR and MARGARET move forward
They move aside. BALTHASAR and MARGARET move forward

BALTHASAR

80 Well, I would you did like me.

BALTHASAR

Well, I would you did like me.

MARGARET

So would not I for your own sake, for I have many ill qualities.

MARGARET

So would not I for your own sake, for I have many ill qualities.

BALTHASAR

Which is one?

BALTHASAR

Which is one?

MARGARET

I say my prayers aloud.

MARGARET

I say my prayers aloud.

BALTHASAR

I love you the better; the hearers may cry “Amen.”

BALTHASAR

I love you the better; the hearers may cry “Amen.”

MARGARET

85 God match me with a good dancer!

MARGARET

God match me with a good dancer!

BALTHASAR

Amen.

BALTHASAR

Amen.

MARGARET

And God keep him out of my sight when the dance is done!
Answer, clerk.

MARGARET

And God keep him out of my sight when the dance is done!
Answer, clerk.

BALTHASAR

No more words. The clerk is answered.

BALTHASAR

No more words. The clerk is answered.
They move aside. URSULA and ANTONIO move forward.
They move aside. URSULA and ANTONIO move forward.

URSULA

90 I know you well enough. You are Signor Antonio.

URSULA

I know you well enough. You are Signor Antonio.

ANTONIO

At a word, I am not.

ANTONIO

At a word, I am not.

URSULA

I know you by the waggling of your head.

URSULA

I know you by the waggling of your head.

ANTONIO

To tell you true, I counterfeit him.

ANTONIO

To tell you true, I counterfeit him.

URSULA

You could never do him so ill-well unless you were the very
man. Here’s his dry hand up and down. You are he, you are
he.

URSULA

You could never do him so ill-well unless you were the very
man. Here’s his dry hand up and down. You are he, you are
he.

ANTONIO

At a word, I am not.

ANTONIO

At a word, I am not.

URSULA

Come, come, do you think I do not know you by your
excellent wit? Can virtue hide itself? Go to, mum, you are
100 he. Graces will appear, and there’s an end.

URSULA

Come, come, do you think I do not know you by your
excellent wit? Can virtue hide itself? Go to, mum, you are
he. Graces will appear, and there’s an end.
They move aside. BENEDICK and BEATRICE move forward.
They move aside. BENEDICK and BEATRICE move forward.

BEATRICE

Will you not tell me who told you so?

BEATRICE

Will you not tell me who told you so?

BENEDICK

No, you shall pardon me.

BENEDICK

No, you shall pardon me.

BEATRICE

Nor will you not tell me who you are?

BEATRICE

Nor will you not tell me who you are?

BENEDICK

Not now.

BENEDICK

Not now.

BEATRICE

105 That I was disdainful and that I had my good wit out of The
Hundred Merry Tales! Well this was Signor Benedick that
said so.

BEATRICE

That I was disdainful and that I had my good wit out of The
Hundred Merry Tales! Well this was Signor Benedick that
said so.

BENEDICK

What’s he?

BENEDICK

What’s he?

BEATRICE

I am sure you know him well enough.

BEATRICE

I am sure you know him well enough.

BENEDICK

110 Not I, believe me.

BENEDICK

Not I, believe me.

BEATRICE

Did he never make you laugh?

BEATRICE

Did he never make you laugh?

BENEDICK

I pray you, what is he?

BENEDICK

I pray you, what is he?

BEATRICE

Why, he is the Prince’s jester, a very dull fool, only his gift
is in devising impossible slanders. None but libertines
115 delight in him, and the commendation is not in his wit but
in his villainy, for he both pleases men and angers them,
and then they laugh at him and beat him. I am sure he is in
the fleet. I would he had boarded me.

BEATRICE

Why, he is the Prince’s jester, a very dull fool, only his gift
is in devising impossible slanders. None but libertines
delight in him, and the commendation is not in his wit but
in his villainy, for he both pleases men and angers them,
and then they laugh at him and beat him. I am sure he is in
the fleet. I would he had boarded me.

BENEDICK

When I know the gentleman, I’ll tell him what you say.

BENEDICK

When I know the gentleman, I’ll tell him what you say.

BEATRICE

Do, do. He’ll but break a comparison or two on me, which,
peradventure not marked or not laughed at, strikes him into
melancholy, and then there’s a partridge wing saved, for the
fool will eat no supper that night.

BEATRICE

Do, do. He’ll but break a comparison or two on me, which,
peradventure not marked or not laughed at, strikes him into
melancholy, and then there’s a partridge wing saved, for the
fool will eat no supper that night.
Music for the dance
Music for the dance
We must follow the leaders.
We must follow the leaders.

BENEDICK

125 In every good thing.

BENEDICK

In every good thing.

BEATRICE

Nay, if they lead to any ill, I will leave them at the next
turning.

BEATRICE

Nay, if they lead to any ill, I will leave them at the next
turning.
Dance, then exeunt all except DON JOHN , BORACHIO , and CLAUDIO
Dance, then exeunt all except DON JOHN , BORACHIO , and CLAUDIO

DON JOHN

(to BORACHIO) Sure my brother is amorous on Hero, and
hath withdrawn her father to break with him about it. The
130 ladies follow her, and but one visor remains.

DON JOHN

(to BORACHIO) Sure my brother is amorous on Hero, and
hath withdrawn her father to break with him about it. The
ladies follow her, and but one visor remains.

BORACHIO

And that is Claudio. I know him by his bearing.

BORACHIO

And that is Claudio. I know him by his bearing.

DON JOHN

(to CLAUDIO) Are not you Signor Benedick?

DON JOHN

(to CLAUDIO) Are not you Signor Benedick?

CLAUDIO

You know me well. I am he.

CLAUDIO

You know me well. I am he.

DON JOHN

Signor, you are very near my brother in his love. He is
135 enamored on Hero. I pray you, dissuade him from her. She
is no equal for his birth. You may do the part of an honest
man in it.

DON JOHN

Signor, you are very near my brother in his love. He is
enamored on Hero. I pray you, dissuade him from her. She
is no equal for his birth. You may do the part of an honest
man in it.

CLAUDIO

How know you he loves her?

CLAUDIO

How know you he loves her?

DON JOHN

I heard him swear his affection.

DON JOHN

I heard him swear his affection.

BORACHIO

140 So did I too, and he swore he would marry her tonight.

BORACHIO

So did I too, and he swore he would marry her tonight.

DON JOHN

Come, let us to the banquet.

DON JOHN

Come, let us to the banquet.
Exeunt DON JOHN and BORACHIO
Exeunt DON JOHN and BORACHIO

CLAUDIO

(unmasking)
Thus answer I in the name of Benedick,
But hear these ill news with the ears of Claudio.
145 'Tis certain so, the Prince woos for himself.
Friendship is constant in all other things
Save in the office and affairs of love.
Therefore all hearts in love use their own tongues.
Let every eye nogetiate for itself
150 And trust no agent, for beauty is a witch
Against whose charms faith melteth into blood.
This is an accident of hourly proof,
Which I mistrusted not. Farewell, therefore, Hero.

CLAUDIO

(unmasking)
Thus answer I in the name of Benedick,
But hear these ill news with the ears of Claudio.
'Tis certain so, the Prince woos for himself.
Friendship is constant in all other things
Save in the office and affairs of love.
Therefore all hearts in love use their own tongues.
Let every eye nogetiate for itself
And trust no agent, for beauty is a witch
Against whose charms faith melteth into blood.
This is an accident of hourly proof,
Which I mistrusted not. Farewell, therefore, Hero.
Enter BENEDICK
Enter BENEDICK

BENEDICK

Count Claudio?

BENEDICK

Count Claudio?

CLAUDIO

155 Yea, the same.

CLAUDIO

Yea, the same.

BENEDICK

Come, will you go with me?

BENEDICK

Come, will you go with me?

CLAUDIO

Whither?

CLAUDIO

Whither?

BENEDICK

Even to the next willow, about your own business, county.
What fashion will you wear the garland of? About your
160 neck like an usurer’s chain? Or under your arm like a
lieutenant’s scarf? You must wear it one way, for the Prince
hath gat your Hero.

BENEDICK

Even to the next willow, about your own business, county.
What fashion will you wear the garland of? About your
neck like an usurer’s chain? Or under your arm like a
lieutenant’s scarf? You must wear it one way, for the Prince
hath gat your Hero.

CLAUDIO

I wish him joy of her.

CLAUDIO

I wish him joy of her.

BENEDICK

Why, that’s spoken like an honest drover; so they sell
165 bullocks. But did you think the Prince would have served
you thus?

BENEDICK

Why, that’s spoken like an honest drover; so they sell
bullocks. But did you think the Prince would have served
you thus?

CLAUDIO

I pray you, leave me.

CLAUDIO

I pray you, leave me.

BENEDICK

Ho, now you strike like the blind man. 'Twas the boy that
stole your meat, and you’ll beat the post.

BENEDICK

Ho, now you strike like the blind man. 'Twas the boy that
stole your meat, and you’ll beat the post.

CLAUDIO

170 If it will not be, I’ll leave you.

CLAUDIO

If it will not be, I’ll leave you.
Exit
Exit

BENEDICK

Alas, poor hurt fowl, now will he creep into sedges. But that
my Lady Beatrice should know me, and not know me! The
Prince’s fool! Ha, it may be I go under that title because I am
merry. Yea, but so I am apt to do myself wrong. I am not so
175 reputed! It is the base, though bitter, disposition of Beatrice
that puts the world into her person and so gives me out.
Well, I’ll be revenged as I may.

BENEDICK

Alas, poor hurt fowl, now will he creep into sedges. But that
my Lady Beatrice should know me, and not know me! The
Prince’s fool! Ha, it may be I go under that title because I am
merry. Yea, but so I am apt to do myself wrong. I am not so
reputed! It is the base, though bitter, disposition of Beatrice
that puts the world into her person and so gives me out.
Well, I’ll be revenged as I may.
Enter DON PEDRO
Enter DON PEDRO

DON PEDRO

Now, Signior, where’s the Count? Did you see him?

DON PEDRO

Now, Signior, where’s the Count? Did you see him?

BENEDICK

Troth, my lord, I have played the part of Lady Fame. I
180 found him here as melancholy as a lodge in a warren. I told
him, and I think I told him true, that your Grace had got the
goodwill of this young lady, and I offered him my company
to a willow tree, either to make him a garland, as being
forsaken, or to bind him up a rod, as being worthy to be
185 whipped.

BENEDICK

Troth, my lord, I have played the part of Lady Fame. I
found him here as melancholy as a lodge in a warren. I told
him, and I think I told him true, that your Grace had got the
goodwill of this young lady, and I offered him my company
to a willow tree, either to make him a garland, as being
forsaken, or to bind him up a rod, as being worthy to be
whipped.

DON PEDRO

To be whipped? What’s his fault?

DON PEDRO

To be whipped? What’s his fault?

BENEDICK

The flat transgression of a schoolboy who, being overjoyed
with finding a birds' nest, shows it his companion, and he
steals it.

BENEDICK

The flat transgression of a schoolboy who, being overjoyed
with finding a birds' nest, shows it his companion, and he
steals it.

DON PEDRO

190 Wilt thou make a trust a transgression? The transgression
is in the stealer.

DON PEDRO

Wilt thou make a trust a transgression? The transgression
is in the stealer.

BENEDICK

Yet it had not been amiss the rod had been made, and the
garland too, for the garland he might have worn himself
and the rod he might have bestowed on you, who, as I take
195 it, have stolen his birds' nest.

BENEDICK

Yet it had not been amiss the rod had been made, and the
garland too, for the garland he might have worn himself
and the rod he might have bestowed on you, who, as I take
it, have stolen his birds' nest.

DON PEDRO

I will but teach them to sing and restore them to the owner.

DON PEDRO

I will but teach them to sing and restore them to the owner.

BENEDICK

If their singing answer your saying, by my faith, you say
honestly.

BENEDICK

If their singing answer your saying, by my faith, you say
honestly.

DON PEDRO

The Lady Beatrice hath a quarrel to you. The gentleman
200 that danced with her told her she is much wronged by you.

DON PEDRO

The Lady Beatrice hath a quarrel to you. The gentleman
that danced with her told her she is much wronged by you.

BENEDICK

O, she misused me past the endurance of a block! An oak
but with one green leaf on it would have answered her. My
very visor began to assume life and scold with her. She told
me, not thinking I had been myself, that I was the Prince’s
205 jester, that I was duller than a great thaw, huddling jest
upon jest with such impossible conveyance upon me that I
stood like a man at a mark with a whole army shooting at
me. She speaks poniards, and every word stabs. If her
breath were as terrible as her terminations, there were no
210 living near her; she would infect to the north star. I would
not marry her, though she were endowed with all that
Adam had left him before he transgressed. She would have
made Hercules have turned spit, yea, and have cleft his club
to make the fire, too. Come, talk not of her. You shall find
215 her the infernal Ate in good apparel. I would to God some
scholar would conjure her, for certainly, while she is here,
a man may live as quiet in hell as in a sanctuary, and people
sin upon purpose because they would go thither. So indeed
all disquiet, horror and perturbation follows her.

BENEDICK

O, she misused me past the endurance of a block! An oak
but with one green leaf on it would have answered her. My
very visor began to assume life and scold with her. She told
me, not thinking I had been myself, that I was the Prince’s
jester, that I was duller than a great thaw, huddling jest
upon jest with such impossible conveyance upon me that I
stood like a man at a mark with a whole army shooting at
me. She speaks poniards, and every word stabs. If her
breath were as terrible as her terminations, there were no
living near her; she would infect to the north star. I would
not marry her, though she were endowed with all that
Adam had left him before he transgressed. She would have
made Hercules have turned spit, yea, and have cleft his club
to make the fire, too. Come, talk not of her. You shall find
her the infernal Ate in good apparel. I would to God some
scholar would conjure her, for certainly, while she is here,
a man may live as quiet in hell as in a sanctuary, and people
sin upon purpose because they would go thither. So indeed
all disquiet, horror and perturbation follows her.
Enter CLAUDIO BEATRICE , HERO , and LEONATO
Enter CLAUDIO BEATRICE , HERO , and LEONATO

DON PEDRO

220 Look, here she comes.

DON PEDRO

Look, here she comes.

BENEDICK

Will your grace command me any service to the world’s
end? I will go on the slightest errand now to the Antipodes
that you can devise to send me on. I will fetch you a
toothpicker now from the furthest inch of Asia, bring you
the length of Prester John’s foot, fetch you a hair off the
great Cham’s beard, do you any embassage to the Pygmies,
rather than hold three words' conference with this harpy.
You have no employment for me?

BENEDICK

Will your grace command me any service to the world’s
end? I will go on the slightest errand now to the Antipodes
that you can devise to send me on. I will fetch you a
toothpicker now from the furthest inch of Asia, bring you
the length of Prester John’s foot, fetch you a hair off the
great Cham’s beard, do you any embassage to the Pygmies,
rather than hold three words' conference with this harpy.
You have no employment for me?

DON PEDRO

None but to desire your good company.

DON PEDRO

None but to desire your good company.

BENEDICK

O God, sir, here’s a dish I love not. I cannot endure my
Lady Tongue!

BENEDICK

O God, sir, here’s a dish I love not. I cannot endure my
Lady Tongue!
Exit
Exit

DON PEDRO

(to BEATRICE) Come, lady, come, you have lost the heart of
Signior Benedick.

DON PEDRO

(to BEATRICE) Come, lady, come, you have lost the heart of
Signior Benedick.

BEATRICE

Indeed, my lord, he lent it me awhile, and I gave him use for
235 it, a double heart for his single one. Marry, once before he
won it of me with false dice. Therefore your Grace may well
say I have lost it.

BEATRICE

Indeed, my lord, he lent it me awhile, and I gave him use for
it, a double heart for his single one. Marry, once before he
won it of me with false dice. Therefore your Grace may well
say I have lost it.

DON PEDRO

You have put him down, lady, you have put him down.

DON PEDRO

You have put him down, lady, you have put him down.

BEATRICE

So I would not he should do me, my lord, lest I should prove
240 the mother of fools. I have brought Count Claudio, whom
you sent me to seek.

BEATRICE

So I would not he should do me, my lord, lest I should prove
the mother of fools. I have brought Count Claudio, whom
you sent me to seek.

DON PEDRO

Why, how now, Count, wherefore are you sad?

DON PEDRO

Why, how now, Count, wherefore are you sad?

CLAUDIO

Not sad, my lord.

CLAUDIO

Not sad, my lord.

DON PEDRO

How then, sick?

DON PEDRO

How then, sick?

CLAUDIO

245 Neither, my lord.

CLAUDIO

Neither, my lord.

BEATRICE

The Count is neither sad, nor sick, nor merry, nor well, but
civil count, civil as an orange, and something of that jealous
complexion.

BEATRICE

The Count is neither sad, nor sick, nor merry, nor well, but
civil count, civil as an orange, and something of that jealous
complexion.

DON PEDRO

I' faith, lady, I think your blazon to be true, though, I’ll be
sworn, if he be so, his conceit is false.—Here, Claudio, I
have wooed in thy name, and fair Hero is won. I have broke
with her father and his goodwill obtained. Name the day of
marriage, and God give thee joy.

DON PEDRO

I' faith, lady, I think your blazon to be true, though, I’ll be
sworn, if he be so, his conceit is false.—Here, Claudio, I
have wooed in thy name, and fair Hero is won. I have broke
with her father and his goodwill obtained. Name the day of
marriage, and God give thee joy.

LEONATO

Count, take of me my daughter, and with her my fortunes.
His grace hath made the match, and all grace say “Amen”
to it.

LEONATO

Count, take of me my daughter, and with her my fortunes.
His grace hath made the match, and all grace say “Amen”
to it.

BEATRICE

Speak, Count, ’tis your cue.

BEATRICE

Speak, Count, ’tis your cue.

CLAUDIO

Silence is the perfectest herald of joy. I were but little happy
if I could say how much.—Lady, as you are mine, I am
260 yours. I give away myself for you and dote upon the
exchange.

CLAUDIO

Silence is the perfectest herald of joy. I were but little happy
if I could say how much.—Lady, as you are mine, I am
yours. I give away myself for you and dote upon the
exchange.

BEATRICE

Speak, cousin, or if you cannot, stop his mouth with a kiss
and let not him speak neither.

BEATRICE

Speak, cousin, or if you cannot, stop his mouth with a kiss
and let not him speak neither.

DON PEDRO

In faith, lady, you have a merry heart.

DON PEDRO

In faith, lady, you have a merry heart.

BEATRICE

265 Yea, my lord. I thank it, poor fool, it keeps on the windy side
of care. My cousin tells him in his ear that he is in her heart.

BEATRICE

Yea, my lord. I thank it, poor fool, it keeps on the windy side
of care. My cousin tells him in his ear that he is in her heart.

CLAUDIO

And so she doth, cousin.

CLAUDIO

And so she doth, cousin.

BEATRICE

Good Lord for alliance! Thus goes everyone to the world
but I, and I am sunburnt. I may sit in a corner and cry,
270 “Heigh-ho for a husband!”

BEATRICE

Good Lord for alliance! Thus goes everyone to the world
but I, and I am sunburnt. I may sit in a corner and cry,
“Heigh-ho for a husband!”

DON PEDRO

Lady Beatrice, I will get you one.

DON PEDRO

Lady Beatrice, I will get you one.

BEATRICE

I would rather have one of your father’s getting. Hath your
grace ne'er a brother like you? Your father got excellent
husbands, if a maid could come by them.

BEATRICE

I would rather have one of your father’s getting. Hath your
grace ne'er a brother like you? Your father got excellent
husbands, if a maid could come by them.

DON PEDRO

275 Will you have me, lady?

DON PEDRO

Will you have me, lady?

BEATRICE

No, my lord, unless I might have another for working days.
Your Grace is too costly to wear every day. But I beseech
your Grace pardon me. I was born to speak all mirth and no
matter.

BEATRICE

No, my lord, unless I might have another for working days.
Your Grace is too costly to wear every day. But I beseech
your Grace pardon me. I was born to speak all mirth and no
matter.

DON PEDRO

280 Your silence most offends me, and to be merry best
becomes you, for out o' question you were born in a merry
hour.

DON PEDRO

Your silence most offends me, and to be merry best
becomes you, for out o' question you were born in a merry
hour.

BEATRICE

No, sure, my lord, my mother cried, but then there was a
star danced, and under that was I born.—Cousins, God
285 give you joy!

BEATRICE

No, sure, my lord, my mother cried, but then there was a
star danced, and under that was I born.—Cousins, God
give you joy!

LEONATO

Niece, will you look to those things I told you of?

LEONATO

Niece, will you look to those things I told you of?

BEATRICE

I cry you mercy, uncle.—By your Grace’s pardon.

BEATRICE

I cry you mercy, uncle.—By your Grace’s pardon.
Exit
Exit

DON PEDRO

By my troth, a pleasant-spirited lady.

DON PEDRO

By my troth, a pleasant-spirited lady.

LEONATO

There’s little of the melancholy element in her, my lord. She
290 is never sad but when she sleeps, and not ever sad then, for
I have heard my daughter say she hath often dreamed of
unhappiness and waked herself with laughing.

LEONATO

There’s little of the melancholy element in her, my lord. She
is never sad but when she sleeps, and not ever sad then, for
I have heard my daughter say she hath often dreamed of
unhappiness and waked herself with laughing.

DON PEDRO

She cannot endure to hear tell of a husband.

DON PEDRO

She cannot endure to hear tell of a husband.

LEONATO

Oh, by no means. She mocks all her wooers out of suit.

LEONATO

Oh, by no means. She mocks all her wooers out of suit.

DON PEDRO

295 She were an excellent wife for Benedict.

DON PEDRO

She were an excellent wife for Benedict.

LEONATO

O Lord, my lord, if they were but a week married, they
would talk themselves mad.

LEONATO

O Lord, my lord, if they were but a week married, they
would talk themselves mad.

DON PEDRO

County Claudio, when mean you to go to church?

DON PEDRO

County Claudio, when mean you to go to church?

CLAUDIO

Tomorrow, my lord. Time goes on crutches till love have all
300 his rites.

CLAUDIO

Tomorrow, my lord. Time goes on crutches till love have all
his rites.

LEONATO

Not till Monday, my dear son, which is hence a just
sevennight, and a time too brief, too, to have all things
answer my mind.

LEONATO

Not till Monday, my dear son, which is hence a just
sevennight, and a time too brief, too, to have all things
answer my mind.

DON PEDRO

(to CLAUDIO) Come, you shake the head at so long a
305 breathing, but I warrant thee, Claudio, the time shall not go
dully by us. I will in the interim undertake one of Hercules'
labors, which is to bring Signor Benedick and the Lady
Beatrice into a mountain of affection, th' one with th' other.
I would fain have it a match, and I doubt not but to fashion
310 it, if you three will but minister such assistance as I shall
give you direction.

DON PEDRO

(to CLAUDIO) Come, you shake the head at so long a
breathing, but I warrant thee, Claudio, the time shall not go
dully by us. I will in the interim undertake one of Hercules'
labors, which is to bring Signor Benedick and the Lady
Beatrice into a mountain of affection, th' one with th' other.
I would fain have it a match, and I doubt not but to fashion
it, if you three will but minister such assistance as I shall
give you direction.

LEONATO

My lord, I am for you, though it cost me ten nights'
watchings.

LEONATO

My lord, I am for you, though it cost me ten nights'
watchings.

CLAUDIO

And I, my lord.

CLAUDIO

And I, my lord.

DON PEDRO

315 And you too, gentle Hero?

DON PEDRO

And you too, gentle Hero?

HERO

I will do any modest office, my lord, to help my cousin to a
good husband.

HERO

I will do any modest office, my lord, to help my cousin to a
good husband.

DON PEDRO

And Benedick is not the unhopefulest husband that I know.
Thus far can I praise him: he is of a noble strain, of approved
320 valor, and confirmed honesty. I will teach you how to humor
your cousin that she shall fall in love with Benedick.—And
I, with your two helps, will so practice on Benedick
that, in despite of his quick wit and his queasy stomach, he
shall fall in love with Beatrice. If we can do this, Cupid is no
325 longer an archer; his glory shall be ours, for we are the only
love gods. Go in with me, and I will tell you my drift.

DON PEDRO

And Benedick is not the unhopefulest husband that I know.
Thus far can I praise him: he is of a noble strain, of approved
valor, and confirmed honesty. I will teach you how to humor
your cousin that she shall fall in love with Benedick.—And
I, with your two helps, will so practice on Benedick
that, in despite of his quick wit and his queasy stomach, he
shall fall in love with Beatrice. If we can do this, Cupid is no
longer an archer; his glory shall be ours, for we are the only
love gods. Go in with me, and I will tell you my drift.
Exeunt
Exeunt

Original Text

Modern Text

Enter LEONATO,  ANTONIO, HERO, BEATRICE, URSULA,  and MARGARET
Enter LEONATO,  ANTONIO, HERO, BEATRICE, URSULA,  and MARGARET

LEONATO

Was not Count John here at supper?

LEONATO

Was not Count John here at supper?

ANTONIO

I saw him not.

ANTONIO

I saw him not.

BEATRICE

How tartly that gentleman looks! I never can see him but I
am heartburned an hour after.

BEATRICE

How tartly that gentleman looks! I never can see him but I
am heartburned an hour after.

HERO

5 He is of a very melancholy disposition.

HERO

He is of a very melancholy disposition.

BEATRICE

He were an excellent man that were made just in the
midway between him and Benedick. The one is too like an
image and says nothing, and the other too like my lady’s
eldest son, evermore tattling.

BEATRICE

He were an excellent man that were made just in the
midway between him and Benedick. The one is too like an
image and says nothing, and the other too like my lady’s
eldest son, evermore tattling.

LEONATO

Then half Signor Benedick’s tongue in Count John’s
mouth, and half Count John’s melancholy in Signor
Benedick’s face—

LEONATO

Then half Signor Benedick’s tongue in Count John’s
mouth, and half Count John’s melancholy in Signor
Benedick’s face—

BEATRICE

With a good leg and a good foot, uncle, and money enough
in his purse, such a man would win any woman in the
15 world, if he could get her goodwill.

BEATRICE

With a good leg and a good foot, uncle, and money enough
in his purse, such a man would win any woman in the
world, if he could get her goodwill.

LEONATO

By my troth, niece, thou wilt never get thee a husband if
thou be so shrewd of thy tongue.

LEONATO

By my troth, niece, thou wilt never get thee a husband if
thou be so shrewd of thy tongue.

ANTONIO

In faith, she’s too curst.

ANTONIO

In faith, she’s too curst.

BEATRICE

Too curst is more than curst. I shall lessen God’s sending
that way, for it is said, “God sends a curst cow short horns,”
but to a cow too curst, he sends none.

BEATRICE

Too curst is more than curst. I shall lessen God’s sending
that way, for it is said, “God sends a curst cow short horns,”
but to a cow too curst, he sends none.

LEONATO

So, by being too curst, God will send you no horns.

LEONATO

So, by being too curst, God will send you no horns.

BEATRICE

Just, if he send me no husband, for the which blessing I am
at him upon my knees every morning and evening. Lord, I
25 could not endure a husband with a beard on his face! I had
rather lie in the woolen.

BEATRICE

Just, if he send me no husband, for the which blessing I am
at him upon my knees every morning and evening. Lord, I
could not endure a husband with a beard on his face! I had
rather lie in the woolen.

LEONATO

You may light on a husband that hath no beard.

LEONATO

You may light on a husband that hath no beard.

BEATRICE

What should I do with him? Dress him in my apparel and
make him my waiting gentlewoman? He that hath a beard
30 is more than a youth, and he that hath no beard is less than
a man; and he that is more than a youth is not for me, and
he that is less than a man, I am not for him. Therefore I will
even take sixpence in earnest of the bearherd, and lead his
apes into hell.

BEATRICE

What should I do with him? Dress him in my apparel and
make him my waiting gentlewoman? He that hath a beard
is more than a youth, and he that hath no beard is less than
a man; and he that is more than a youth is not for me, and
he that is less than a man, I am not for him. Therefore I will
even take sixpence in earnest of the bearherd, and lead his
apes into hell.

LEONATO

35 Well then, go you into hell?

LEONATO

Well then, go you into hell?

BEATRICE

No, but to the gate, and there will the devil meet me like an
old cuckold with horns on his head, and say, “Get you to
heaven, Beatrice, get you to heaven; here’s no place for you
maids.” So deliver I up my apes and away to Saint Peter. For
40 the heavens, he shows me where the bachelors sit, and there
live we as merry as the day is long.

BEATRICE

No, but to the gate, and there will the devil meet me like an
old cuckold with horns on his head, and say, “Get you to
heaven, Beatrice, get you to heaven; here’s no place for you
maids.” So deliver I up my apes and away to Saint Peter. For
the heavens, he shows me where the bachelors sit, and there
live we as merry as the day is long.

ANTONIO

(to HERO)Well, niece, I trust you will be ruled by your
father.

ANTONIO

(to HERO)Well, niece, I trust you will be ruled by your
father.

BEATRICE

Yes, faith, it is my cousin’s duty to make curtsy and say,
“Father, as it please you.” But yet for all that, cousin, let
him be a handsome fellow, or else make another curtsy and
say, “Father, as it please me.”

BEATRICE

Yes, faith, it is my cousin’s duty to make curtsy and say,
“Father, as it please you.” But yet for all that, cousin, let
him be a handsome fellow, or else make another curtsy and
say, “Father, as it please me.”

LEONATO

Well, niece, I hope to see you one day fitted with a husband.

LEONATO

Well, niece, I hope to see you one day fitted with a husband.

BEATRICE

Not till God make men of some other metal than earth.
50 Would it not grieve a woman to be overmastered with a
piece of valiant dust? To make an account of her life to a clod
of wayward marl? No, uncle, I’ll none. Adam’s sons are my
brethren, and truly I hold it a sin to match in my kindred.

BEATRICE

Not till God make men of some other metal than earth.
Would it not grieve a woman to be overmastered with a
piece of valiant dust? To make an account of her life to a clod
of wayward marl? No, uncle, I’ll none. Adam’s sons are my
brethren, and truly I hold it a sin to match in my kindred.

LEONATO

(to HERO) Daughter, remember what I told you. If the
55 Prince do solicit you in that kind, you know your answer.

LEONATO

(to HERO) Daughter, remember what I told you. If the
Prince do solicit you in that kind, you know your answer.

BEATRICE

The fault will be in the music, cousin, if you be not wooed
in good time. If the Prince be too important, tell him there
is measure in everything, and so dance out the answer. For
hear me, Hero, wooing, wedding, and repenting is as a
60 Scotch jig, a measure, and a cinquepace. The first suit is hot
and hasty like a Scotch jig, and full as fantastical; the
wedding, mannerly modest as a measure, full of state and
ancientry; and then comes repentance, and with his bad
legs falls into the cinquepace faster and faster till he sink
65 into his grave.

BEATRICE

The fault will be in the music, cousin, if you be not wooed
in good time. If the Prince be too important, tell him there
is measure in everything, and so dance out the answer. For
hear me, Hero, wooing, wedding, and repenting is as a
Scotch jig, a measure, and a cinquepace. The first suit is hot
and hasty like a Scotch jig, and full as fantastical; the
wedding, mannerly modest as a measure, full of state and
ancientry; and then comes repentance, and with his bad
legs falls into the cinquepace faster and faster till he sink
into his grave.

LEONATO

Cousin, you apprehend passing shrewdly.

LEONATO

Cousin, you apprehend passing shrewdly.

BEATRICE

I have a good eye, uncle. I can see a church by daylight.

BEATRICE

I have a good eye, uncle. I can see a church by daylight.

LEONATO

The revelers are entering, brother. Make good room.

LEONATO

The revelers are entering, brother. Make good room.
Enter DON PEDRO CLAUDIO , BENEDICK BALTHASAR , DON JOHN BORACHIO , MARGARET URSULA and others, masked
Enter DON PEDRO CLAUDIO , BENEDICK BALTHASAR , DON JOHN BORACHIO , MARGARET URSULA and others, masked

DON PEDRO

Lady, will you walk a bout with your friend?

DON PEDRO

Lady, will you walk a bout with your friend?
They begin to dance
They begin to dance

HERO

70 So you walk softly, and look sweetly, and say nothing, I am
yours for the walk, and especially when I walk away.

HERO

So you walk softly, and look sweetly, and say nothing, I am
yours for the walk, and especially when I walk away.

DON PEDRO

With me in your company?

DON PEDRO

With me in your company?

HERO

I may say so when I please.

HERO

I may say so when I please.

DON PEDRO

And when please you to say so?

DON PEDRO

And when please you to say so?

HERO

75 When I like your favor, for God defend the lute should be
like the case!

HERO

When I like your favor, for God defend the lute should be
like the case!

DON PEDRO

My visor is Philemon’s roof; within the house is Jove.

DON PEDRO

My visor is Philemon’s roof; within the house is Jove.

HERO

Why, then, your visor should be thatched.

HERO

Why, then, your visor should be thatched.

DON PEDRO

Speak low if you speak love.

DON PEDRO

Speak low if you speak love.
They move aside. BALTHASAR and MARGARET move forward
They move aside. BALTHASAR and MARGARET move forward

BALTHASAR

80 Well, I would you did like me.

BALTHASAR

Well, I would you did like me.

MARGARET

So would not I for your own sake, for I have many ill qualities.

MARGARET

So would not I for your own sake, for I have many ill qualities.

BALTHASAR

Which is one?

BALTHASAR

Which is one?

MARGARET

I say my prayers aloud.

MARGARET

I say my prayers aloud.

BALTHASAR

I love you the better; the hearers may cry “Amen.”

BALTHASAR

I love you the better; the hearers may cry “Amen.”

MARGARET

85 God match me with a good dancer!

MARGARET

God match me with a good dancer!

BALTHASAR

Amen.

BALTHASAR

Amen.

MARGARET

And God keep him out of my sight when the dance is done!
Answer, clerk.

MARGARET

And God keep him out of my sight when the dance is done!
Answer, clerk.

BALTHASAR

No more words. The clerk is answered.

BALTHASAR

No more words. The clerk is answered.
They move aside. URSULA and ANTONIO move forward.
They move aside. URSULA and ANTONIO move forward.

URSULA

90 I know you well enough. You are Signor Antonio.

URSULA

I know you well enough. You are Signor Antonio.

ANTONIO

At a word, I am not.

ANTONIO

At a word, I am not.

URSULA

I know you by the waggling of your head.

URSULA

I know you by the waggling of your head.

ANTONIO

To tell you true, I counterfeit him.

ANTONIO

To tell you true, I counterfeit him.

URSULA

You could never do him so ill-well unless you were the very
man. Here’s his dry hand up and down. You are he, you are
he.

URSULA

You could never do him so ill-well unless you were the very
man. Here’s his dry hand up and down. You are he, you are
he.

ANTONIO

At a word, I am not.

ANTONIO

At a word, I am not.

URSULA

Come, come, do you think I do not know you by your
excellent wit? Can virtue hide itself? Go to, mum, you are
100 he. Graces will appear, and there’s an end.

URSULA

Come, come, do you think I do not know you by your
excellent wit? Can virtue hide itself? Go to, mum, you are
he. Graces will appear, and there’s an end.
They move aside. BENEDICK and BEATRICE move forward.
They move aside. BENEDICK and BEATRICE move forward.

BEATRICE

Will you not tell me who told you so?

BEATRICE

Will you not tell me who told you so?

BENEDICK

No, you shall pardon me.

BENEDICK

No, you shall pardon me.

BEATRICE

Nor will you not tell me who you are?

BEATRICE

Nor will you not tell me who you are?

BENEDICK

Not now.

BENEDICK

Not now.

BEATRICE

105 That I was disdainful and that I had my good wit out of The
Hundred Merry Tales! Well this was Signor Benedick that
said so.

BEATRICE

That I was disdainful and that I had my good wit out of The
Hundred Merry Tales! Well this was Signor Benedick that
said so.

BENEDICK

What’s he?

BENEDICK

What’s he?

BEATRICE

I am sure you know him well enough.

BEATRICE

I am sure you know him well enough.

BENEDICK

110 Not I, believe me.

BENEDICK

Not I, believe me.

BEATRICE

Did he never make you laugh?

BEATRICE

Did he never make you laugh?

BENEDICK

I pray you, what is he?

BENEDICK

I pray you, what is he?

BEATRICE

Why, he is the Prince’s jester, a very dull fool, only his gift
is in devising impossible slanders. None but libertines
115 delight in him, and the commendation is not in his wit but
in his villainy, for he both pleases men and angers them,
and then they laugh at him and beat him. I am sure he is in
the fleet. I would he had boarded me.

BEATRICE

Why, he is the Prince’s jester, a very dull fool, only his gift
is in devising impossible slanders. None but libertines
delight in him, and the commendation is not in his wit but
in his villainy, for he both pleases men and angers them,
and then they laugh at him and beat him. I am sure he is in
the fleet. I would he had boarded me.

BENEDICK

When I know the gentleman, I’ll tell him what you say.

BENEDICK

When I know the gentleman, I’ll tell him what you say.

BEATRICE

Do, do. He’ll but break a comparison or two on me, which,
peradventure not marked or not laughed at, strikes him into
melancholy, and then there’s a partridge wing saved, for the
fool will eat no supper that night.

BEATRICE

Do, do. He’ll but break a comparison or two on me, which,
peradventure not marked or not laughed at, strikes him into
melancholy, and then there’s a partridge wing saved, for the
fool will eat no supper that night.
Music for the dance
Music for the dance
We must follow the leaders.
We must follow the leaders.

BENEDICK

125 In every good thing.

BENEDICK

In every good thing.

BEATRICE

Nay, if they lead to any ill, I will leave them at the next
turning.

BEATRICE

Nay, if they lead to any ill, I will leave them at the next
turning.
Dance, then exeunt all except DON JOHN , BORACHIO , and CLAUDIO
Dance, then exeunt all except DON JOHN , BORACHIO , and CLAUDIO

DON JOHN

(to BORACHIO) Sure my brother is amorous on Hero, and
hath withdrawn her father to break with him about it. The
130 ladies follow her, and but one visor remains.

DON JOHN

(to BORACHIO) Sure my brother is amorous on Hero, and
hath withdrawn her father to break with him about it. The
ladies follow her, and but one visor remains.

BORACHIO

And that is Claudio. I know him by his bearing.

BORACHIO

And that is Claudio. I know him by his bearing.

DON JOHN

(to CLAUDIO) Are not you Signor Benedick?

DON JOHN

(to CLAUDIO) Are not you Signor Benedick?

CLAUDIO

You know me well. I am he.

CLAUDIO

You know me well. I am he.

DON JOHN

Signor, you are very near my brother in his love. He is
135 enamored on Hero. I pray you, dissuade him from her. She
is no equal for his birth. You may do the part of an honest
man in it.

DON JOHN

Signor, you are very near my brother in his love. He is
enamored on Hero. I pray you, dissuade him from her. She
is no equal for his birth. You may do the part of an honest
man in it.

CLAUDIO

How know you he loves her?

CLAUDIO

How know you he loves her?

DON JOHN

I heard him swear his affection.

DON JOHN

I heard him swear his affection.

BORACHIO

140 So did I too, and he swore he would marry her tonight.

BORACHIO

So did I too, and he swore he would marry her tonight.

DON JOHN

Come, let us to the banquet.

DON JOHN

Come, let us to the banquet.
Exeunt DON JOHN and BORACHIO
Exeunt DON JOHN and BORACHIO

CLAUDIO

(unmasking)
Thus answer I in the name of Benedick,
But hear these ill news with the ears of Claudio.
145 'Tis certain so, the Prince woos for himself.
Friendship is constant in all other things
Save in the office and affairs of love.
Therefore all hearts in love use their own tongues.
Let every eye nogetiate for itself
150 And trust no agent, for beauty is a witch
Against whose charms faith melteth into blood.
This is an accident of hourly proof,
Which I mistrusted not. Farewell, therefore, Hero.

CLAUDIO

(unmasking)
Thus answer I in the name of Benedick,
But hear these ill news with the ears of Claudio.
'Tis certain so, the Prince woos for himself.
Friendship is constant in all other things
Save in the office and affairs of love.
Therefore all hearts in love use their own tongues.
Let every eye nogetiate for itself
And trust no agent, for beauty is a witch
Against whose charms faith melteth into blood.
This is an accident of hourly proof,
Which I mistrusted not. Farewell, therefore, Hero.
Enter BENEDICK
Enter BENEDICK

BENEDICK

Count Claudio?

BENEDICK

Count Claudio?

CLAUDIO

155 Yea, the same.

CLAUDIO

Yea, the same.

BENEDICK

Come, will you go with me?

BENEDICK

Come, will you go with me?

CLAUDIO

Whither?

CLAUDIO

Whither?

BENEDICK

Even to the next willow, about your own business, county.
What fashion will you wear the garland of? About your
160 neck like an usurer’s chain? Or under your arm like a
lieutenant’s scarf? You must wear it one way, for the Prince
hath gat your Hero.

BENEDICK

Even to the next willow, about your own business, county.
What fashion will you wear the garland of? About your
neck like an usurer’s chain? Or under your arm like a
lieutenant’s scarf? You must wear it one way, for the Prince
hath gat your Hero.

CLAUDIO

I wish him joy of her.

CLAUDIO

I wish him joy of her.

BENEDICK

Why, that’s spoken like an honest drover; so they sell
165 bullocks. But did you think the Prince would have served
you thus?

BENEDICK

Why, that’s spoken like an honest drover; so they sell
bullocks. But did you think the Prince would have served
you thus?

CLAUDIO

I pray you, leave me.

CLAUDIO

I pray you, leave me.

BENEDICK

Ho, now you strike like the blind man. 'Twas the boy that
stole your meat, and you’ll beat the post.

BENEDICK

Ho, now you strike like the blind man. 'Twas the boy that
stole your meat, and you’ll beat the post.

CLAUDIO

170 If it will not be, I’ll leave you.

CLAUDIO

If it will not be, I’ll leave you.
Exit
Exit

BENEDICK

Alas, poor hurt fowl, now will he creep into sedges. But that
my Lady Beatrice should know me, and not know me! The
Prince’s fool! Ha, it may be I go under that title because I am
merry. Yea, but so I am apt to do myself wrong. I am not so
175 reputed! It is the base, though bitter, disposition of Beatrice
that puts the world into her person and so gives me out.
Well, I’ll be revenged as I may.

BENEDICK

Alas, poor hurt fowl, now will he creep into sedges. But that
my Lady Beatrice should know me, and not know me! The
Prince’s fool! Ha, it may be I go under that title because I am
merry. Yea, but so I am apt to do myself wrong. I am not so
reputed! It is the base, though bitter, disposition of Beatrice
that puts the world into her person and so gives me out.
Well, I’ll be revenged as I may.
Enter DON PEDRO
Enter DON PEDRO

DON PEDRO

Now, Signior, where’s the Count? Did you see him?

DON PEDRO

Now, Signior, where’s the Count? Did you see him?

BENEDICK

Troth, my lord, I have played the part of Lady Fame. I
180 found him here as melancholy as a lodge in a warren. I told
him, and I think I told him true, that your Grace had got the
goodwill of this young lady, and I offered him my company
to a willow tree, either to make him a garland, as being
forsaken, or to bind him up a rod, as being worthy to be
185 whipped.

BENEDICK

Troth, my lord, I have played the part of Lady Fame. I
found him here as melancholy as a lodge in a warren. I told
him, and I think I told him true, that your Grace had got the
goodwill of this young lady, and I offered him my company
to a willow tree, either to make him a garland, as being
forsaken, or to bind him up a rod, as being worthy to be
whipped.

DON PEDRO

To be whipped? What’s his fault?

DON PEDRO

To be whipped? What’s his fault?

BENEDICK

The flat transgression of a schoolboy who, being overjoyed
with finding a birds' nest, shows it his companion, and he
steals it.

BENEDICK

The flat transgression of a schoolboy who, being overjoyed
with finding a birds' nest, shows it his companion, and he
steals it.

DON PEDRO

190 Wilt thou make a trust a transgression? The transgression
is in the stealer.

DON PEDRO

Wilt thou make a trust a transgression? The transgression
is in the stealer.

BENEDICK

Yet it had not been amiss the rod had been made, and the
garland too, for the garland he might have worn himself
and the rod he might have bestowed on you, who, as I take
195 it, have stolen his birds' nest.

BENEDICK

Yet it had not been amiss the rod had been made, and the
garland too, for the garland he might have worn himself
and the rod he might have bestowed on you, who, as I take
it, have stolen his birds' nest.

DON PEDRO

I will but teach them to sing and restore them to the owner.

DON PEDRO

I will but teach them to sing and restore them to the owner.

BENEDICK

If their singing answer your saying, by my faith, you say
honestly.

BENEDICK

If their singing answer your saying, by my faith, you say
honestly.

DON PEDRO

The Lady Beatrice hath a quarrel to you. The gentleman
200 that danced with her told her she is much wronged by you.

DON PEDRO

The Lady Beatrice hath a quarrel to you. The gentleman
that danced with her told her she is much wronged by you.

BENEDICK

O, she misused me past the endurance of a block! An oak
but with one green leaf on it would have answered her. My
very visor began to assume life and scold with her. She told
me, not thinking I had been myself, that I was the Prince’s
205 jester, that I was duller than a great thaw, huddling jest
upon jest with such impossible conveyance upon me that I
stood like a man at a mark with a whole army shooting at
me. She speaks poniards, and every word stabs. If her
breath were as terrible as her terminations, there were no
210 living near her; she would infect to the north star. I would
not marry her, though she were endowed with all that
Adam had left him before he transgressed. She would have
made Hercules have turned spit, yea, and have cleft his club
to make the fire, too. Come, talk not of her. You shall find
215 her the infernal Ate in good apparel. I would to God some
scholar would conjure her, for certainly, while she is here,
a man may live as quiet in hell as in a sanctuary, and people
sin upon purpose because they would go thither. So indeed
all disquiet, horror and perturbation follows her.

BENEDICK

O, she misused me past the endurance of a block! An oak
but with one green leaf on it would have answered her. My
very visor began to assume life and scold with her. She told
me, not thinking I had been myself, that I was the Prince’s
jester, that I was duller than a great thaw, huddling jest
upon jest with such impossible conveyance upon me that I
stood like a man at a mark with a whole army shooting at
me. She speaks poniards, and every word stabs. If her
breath were as terrible as her terminations, there were no
living near her; she would infect to the north star. I would
not marry her, though she were endowed with all that
Adam had left him before he transgressed. She would have
made Hercules have turned spit, yea, and have cleft his club
to make the fire, too. Come, talk not of her. You shall find
her the infernal Ate in good apparel. I would to God some
scholar would conjure her, for certainly, while she is here,
a man may live as quiet in hell as in a sanctuary, and people
sin upon purpose because they would go thither. So indeed
all disquiet, horror and perturbation follows her.
Enter CLAUDIO BEATRICE , HERO , and LEONATO
Enter CLAUDIO BEATRICE , HERO , and LEONATO

DON PEDRO

220 Look, here she comes.

DON PEDRO

Look, here she comes.

BENEDICK

Will your grace command me any service to the world’s
end? I will go on the slightest errand now to the Antipodes
that you can devise to send me on. I will fetch you a
toothpicker now from the furthest inch of Asia, bring you
the length of Prester John’s foot, fetch you a hair off the
great Cham’s beard, do you any embassage to the Pygmies,
rather than hold three words' conference with this harpy.
You have no employment for me?

BENEDICK

Will your grace command me any service to the world’s
end? I will go on the slightest errand now to the Antipodes
that you can devise to send me on. I will fetch you a
toothpicker now from the furthest inch of Asia, bring you
the length of Prester John’s foot, fetch you a hair off the
great Cham’s beard, do you any embassage to the Pygmies,
rather than hold three words' conference with this harpy.
You have no employment for me?

DON PEDRO

None but to desire your good company.

DON PEDRO

None but to desire your good company.

BENEDICK

O God, sir, here’s a dish I love not. I cannot endure my
Lady Tongue!

BENEDICK

O God, sir, here’s a dish I love not. I cannot endure my
Lady Tongue!
Exit
Exit

DON PEDRO

(to BEATRICE) Come, lady, come, you have lost the heart of
Signior Benedick.

DON PEDRO

(to BEATRICE) Come, lady, come, you have lost the heart of
Signior Benedick.

BEATRICE

Indeed, my lord, he lent it me awhile, and I gave him use for
235 it, a double heart for his single one. Marry, once before he
won it of me with false dice. Therefore your Grace may well
say I have lost it.

BEATRICE

Indeed, my lord, he lent it me awhile, and I gave him use for
it, a double heart for his single one. Marry, once before he
won it of me with false dice. Therefore your Grace may well
say I have lost it.

DON PEDRO

You have put him down, lady, you have put him down.

DON PEDRO

You have put him down, lady, you have put him down.

BEATRICE

So I would not he should do me, my lord, lest I should prove
240 the mother of fools. I have brought Count Claudio, whom
you sent me to seek.

BEATRICE

So I would not he should do me, my lord, lest I should prove
the mother of fools. I have brought Count Claudio, whom
you sent me to seek.

DON PEDRO

Why, how now, Count, wherefore are you sad?

DON PEDRO

Why, how now, Count, wherefore are you sad?

CLAUDIO

Not sad, my lord.

CLAUDIO

Not sad, my lord.

DON PEDRO

How then, sick?

DON PEDRO

How then, sick?

CLAUDIO

245 Neither, my lord.

CLAUDIO

Neither, my lord.

BEATRICE

The Count is neither sad, nor sick, nor merry, nor well, but
civil count, civil as an orange, and something of that jealous
complexion.

BEATRICE

The Count is neither sad, nor sick, nor merry, nor well, but
civil count, civil as an orange, and something of that jealous
complexion.

DON PEDRO

I' faith, lady, I think your blazon to be true, though, I’ll be
sworn, if he be so, his conceit is false.—Here, Claudio, I
have wooed in thy name, and fair Hero is won. I have broke
with her father and his goodwill obtained. Name the day of
marriage, and God give thee joy.

DON PEDRO

I' faith, lady, I think your blazon to be true, though, I’ll be
sworn, if he be so, his conceit is false.—Here, Claudio, I
have wooed in thy name, and fair Hero is won. I have broke
with her father and his goodwill obtained. Name the day of
marriage, and God give thee joy.

LEONATO

Count, take of me my daughter, and with her my fortunes.
His grace hath made the match, and all grace say “Amen”
to it.

LEONATO

Count, take of me my daughter, and with her my fortunes.
His grace hath made the match, and all grace say “Amen”
to it.

BEATRICE

Speak, Count, ’tis your cue.

BEATRICE

Speak, Count, ’tis your cue.

CLAUDIO

Silence is the perfectest herald of joy. I were but little happy
if I could say how much.—Lady, as you are mine, I am
260 yours. I give away myself for you and dote upon the
exchange.

CLAUDIO

Silence is the perfectest herald of joy. I were but little happy
if I could say how much.—Lady, as you are mine, I am
yours. I give away myself for you and dote upon the
exchange.

BEATRICE

Speak, cousin, or if you cannot, stop his mouth with a kiss
and let not him speak neither.

BEATRICE

Speak, cousin, or if you cannot, stop his mouth with a kiss
and let not him speak neither.

DON PEDRO

In faith, lady, you have a merry heart.

DON PEDRO

In faith, lady, you have a merry heart.

BEATRICE

265 Yea, my lord. I thank it, poor fool, it keeps on the windy side
of care. My cousin tells him in his ear that he is in her heart.

BEATRICE

Yea, my lord. I thank it, poor fool, it keeps on the windy side
of care. My cousin tells him in his ear that he is in her heart.

CLAUDIO

And so she doth, cousin.

CLAUDIO

And so she doth, cousin.

BEATRICE

Good Lord for alliance! Thus goes everyone to the world
but I, and I am sunburnt. I may sit in a corner and cry,
270 “Heigh-ho for a husband!”

BEATRICE

Good Lord for alliance! Thus goes everyone to the world
but I, and I am sunburnt. I may sit in a corner and cry,
“Heigh-ho for a husband!”

DON PEDRO

Lady Beatrice, I will get you one.

DON PEDRO

Lady Beatrice, I will get you one.

BEATRICE

I would rather have one of your father’s getting. Hath your
grace ne'er a brother like you? Your father got excellent
husbands, if a maid could come by them.

BEATRICE

I would rather have one of your father’s getting. Hath your
grace ne'er a brother like you? Your father got excellent
husbands, if a maid could come by them.

DON PEDRO

275 Will you have me, lady?

DON PEDRO

Will you have me, lady?

BEATRICE

No, my lord, unless I might have another for working days.
Your Grace is too costly to wear every day. But I beseech
your Grace pardon me. I was born to speak all mirth and no
matter.

BEATRICE

No, my lord, unless I might have another for working days.
Your Grace is too costly to wear every day. But I beseech
your Grace pardon me. I was born to speak all mirth and no
matter.

DON PEDRO

280 Your silence most offends me, and to be merry best
becomes you, for out o' question you were born in a merry
hour.

DON PEDRO

Your silence most offends me, and to be merry best
becomes you, for out o' question you were born in a merry
hour.

BEATRICE

No, sure, my lord, my mother cried, but then there was a
star danced, and under that was I born.—Cousins, God
285 give you joy!

BEATRICE

No, sure, my lord, my mother cried, but then there was a
star danced, and under that was I born.—Cousins, God
give you joy!

LEONATO

Niece, will you look to those things I told you of?

LEONATO

Niece, will you look to those things I told you of?

BEATRICE

I cry you mercy, uncle.—By your Grace’s pardon.

BEATRICE

I cry you mercy, uncle.—By your Grace’s pardon.
Exit
Exit

DON PEDRO

By my troth, a pleasant-spirited lady.

DON PEDRO

By my troth, a pleasant-spirited lady.

LEONATO

There’s little of the melancholy element in her, my lord. She
290 is never sad but when she sleeps, and not ever sad then, for
I have heard my daughter say she hath often dreamed of
unhappiness and waked herself with laughing.

LEONATO

There’s little of the melancholy element in her, my lord. She
is never sad but when she sleeps, and not ever sad then, for
I have heard my daughter say she hath often dreamed of
unhappiness and waked herself with laughing.

DON PEDRO

She cannot endure to hear tell of a husband.

DON PEDRO

She cannot endure to hear tell of a husband.

LEONATO

Oh, by no means. She mocks all her wooers out of suit.

LEONATO

Oh, by no means. She mocks all her wooers out of suit.

DON PEDRO

295 She were an excellent wife for Benedict.

DON PEDRO

She were an excellent wife for Benedict.

LEONATO

O Lord, my lord, if they were but a week married, they
would talk themselves mad.

LEONATO

O Lord, my lord, if they were but a week married, they
would talk themselves mad.

DON PEDRO

County Claudio, when mean you to go to church?

DON PEDRO

County Claudio, when mean you to go to church?

CLAUDIO

Tomorrow, my lord. Time goes on crutches till love have all
300 his rites.

CLAUDIO

Tomorrow, my lord. Time goes on crutches till love have all
his rites.

LEONATO

Not till Monday, my dear son, which is hence a just
sevennight, and a time too brief, too, to have all things
answer my mind.

LEONATO

Not till Monday, my dear son, which is hence a just
sevennight, and a time too brief, too, to have all things
answer my mind.

DON PEDRO

(to CLAUDIO) Come, you shake the head at so long a
305 breathing, but I warrant thee, Claudio, the time shall not go
dully by us. I will in the interim undertake one of Hercules'
labors, which is to bring Signor Benedick and the Lady
Beatrice into a mountain of affection, th' one with th' other.
I would fain have it a match, and I doubt not but to fashion
310 it, if you three will but minister such assistance as I shall
give you direction.

DON PEDRO

(to CLAUDIO) Come, you shake the head at so long a
breathing, but I warrant thee, Claudio, the time shall not go
dully by us. I will in the interim undertake one of Hercules'
labors, which is to bring Signor Benedick and the Lady
Beatrice into a mountain of affection, th' one with th' other.
I would fain have it a match, and I doubt not but to fashion
it, if you three will but minister such assistance as I shall
give you direction.

LEONATO

My lord, I am for you, though it cost me ten nights'
watchings.

LEONATO

My lord, I am for you, though it cost me ten nights'
watchings.

CLAUDIO

And I, my lord.

CLAUDIO

And I, my lord.

DON PEDRO

315 And you too, gentle Hero?

DON PEDRO

And you too, gentle Hero?

HERO

I will do any modest office, my lord, to help my cousin to a
good husband.

HERO

I will do any modest office, my lord, to help my cousin to a
good husband.

DON PEDRO

And Benedick is not the unhopefulest husband that I know.
Thus far can I praise him: he is of a noble strain, of approved
320 valor, and confirmed honesty. I will teach you how to humor
your cousin that she shall fall in love with Benedick.—And
I, with your two helps, will so practice on Benedick
that, in despite of his quick wit and his queasy stomach, he
shall fall in love with Beatrice. If we can do this, Cupid is no
325 longer an archer; his glory shall be ours, for we are the only
love gods. Go in with me, and I will tell you my drift.

DON PEDRO

And Benedick is not the unhopefulest husband that I know.
Thus far can I praise him: he is of a noble strain, of approved
valor, and confirmed honesty. I will teach you how to humor
your cousin that she shall fall in love with Benedick.—And
I, with your two helps, will so practice on Benedick
that, in despite of his quick wit and his queasy stomach, he
shall fall in love with Beatrice. If we can do this, Cupid is no
longer an archer; his glory shall be ours, for we are the only
love gods. Go in with me, and I will tell you my drift.
Exeunt
Exeunt