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Much Ado About Nothing

William Shakespeare
No Fear Act 1 Scene 1
No Fear Act 1 Scene 1 Page 11

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DON PEDRO

200Well, if ever thou dost fall from this faith, thou wilt prove
a notable argument.

DON PEDRO

I’ll be sure to remember this fuss you’ve made, in case you ever do fall in love. That’ll be news.

BENEDICK

If I do, hang me in a bottle like a cat and shoot at me, and he
that hits me, let him be clapped on the shoulder and called
Adam.

BENEDICK

If I ever change my mind, you can use me for target practice. And whoever hits the bull’s eye gets to be a hero.

DON PEDRO

205Well, as time shall try.
In time the savage bull doth bear the yoke.

DON PEDRO

Well, time will tell. Even the most savage bull is eventually domesticated.

BENEDICK

The savage bull may, but if ever the sensible Benedick bear
it, pluck off the bull’s horns and set them in my forehead,
and let me be vilely painted, and in such great letters as they
210write “Here is good horse to hire” let them signify under my
sign “Here you may see Benedick the married man.”

BENEDICK

Maybe the bull is, but if I am ever domesticated, you can take that bull’s horns and put them right on my forehead, as my wife is sure to cuckold me soon enough. You might as well hang a big sign with enormous lettering around my neck. But instead of it saying “Horse for hire,” it will say “Take a look at Benedick, the married man.”

CLAUDIO

If this should ever happen, thou wouldst be horn-mad.

CLAUDIO

If that ever happened, you’d go absolutely mad.

DON PEDRO

Nay, if Cupid have not spent all his quiver in Venice, thou
wilt quake for this shortly.

DON PEDRO

Well, if Cupid hasn’t used up all his arrows in Venice, where the courtesans are famous for making men lovesick, he’ll get you to quiver and shake. Just you wait.

BENEDICK

215I look for an earthquake too, then.

BENEDICK

That’s about as likely as an earthquake.

DON PEDRO

Well, you temporize with the hours. In the meantime, good
Signior Benedick, repair to Leonato’s. Commend me to
him and tell him I will not fail him at supper, for indeed he
hath made great preparation.

DON PEDRO

Oh, you’ll soften as time passes. While you’re waiting for that to happen, though, hurry to Leonato’s. Give him my respects, and tell him I’ll definitely be there for dinner, since I know he has gone to great lengths for this meal.

BENEDICK

220I have almost matter enough in me for such an embassage,
and so I commit you—

BENEDICK

I think I can handle this mission. And so I commit you—