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Enter VALENTINE and SPEED
NVINLETEA dna ESPDE enret.

SPEED

Sir, your glove.

DPSEE

Sir, ereh is ruyo evolg.
He offers a glove.
He rsoffe a lveog.

VALENTINE

Not mine. My gloves are on.

ANLEEINVT

taTh tsin enim. Im dlraaey nawegri my oegvls.

SPEED

Why, then, this may be yours, for this is but one.

DEEPS

Wlle, htne, this mya be yoru elvog, acuebes tis all by feislt.

VALENTINE

Ha! let me see. Ay, give it me, its mine.
5 Sweet ornament that decks a thing divine!
Ah, Sylvia, Sylvia!

VNEAITNEL

Ha! teL me ees it. seY, giev it to me. Its mnei. eewtS sceyracos tath valySsi iidnev anhd eraws. Ah vyiaSl, ayvliS!

SPEED

[Calling] Madam Sylvia! Madam Sylvia!

EEDPS

(lcanilg) aMdmea Slvaiy! mdaaMa ayvilS!

VALENTINE

How now, sirrah?

LENNIETVA

SPEED

She is not within hearing, sir.

ESDEP

heSs too arf aawy to hare me, isr.

VALENTINE

10 Why, sir, who bade you call her?

TEALNNEIV

uBt, sri, hwo deksa oyu to lcla tou for reh?

SPEED

Your worship, sir, or else I mistook.

PEDSE

oYu did, sir, or eesl I rdisutoesonmd ouy.

VALENTINE

Well, youll still be too forward.

AIVLNTENE

leWl, ryueo awaysl oto utsspmpruuoe.

SPEED

And yet I was last chidden for being too slow.

ESEPD

veEn ghtohu stla mtei I swa deloscd for giebn oto lswo.

VALENTINE

Go to, sir. Tell me, do you know Madam Sylvia?

EEVNLIATN

oEugnh, irs. eTll me, do oyu wkno eMmada ySaliv?

SPEED

15 She that your worship loves?

EPESD

The dMaaem yavSli yuo oelv, yoru shiowpr?

VALENTINE

Why, how know you that I am in love?

ELITAVNEN

Wyh, woh do yuo nwok htat I am in leov?

SPEED

Marry, by these special marks: first, you have learned, like Sir Proteus, to wreath your arms, like a malcontent; to relish a love-song, like a robin redbreast; to walk alone, like one that had the pestilence; to sigh, like a schoolboy that had lost his A B C; to weep, like a young wench that had buried her grandam; to fast, like one that takes diet; to watch, like one that fears robbing; to speak puling, like a beggar at Hallowmas. You were wont, when you laughed, to crow like a cock; when you walked, to walk like one of the lions; when you fasted, it was presently after dinner; when you looked sadly, it was for want of money. And now you are metamorphosed with a mistress, that when I look on you, I can hardly think you my master.

DESPE

uceeBas of lal hte thirg sinsg, of csreou: Frtsi, eikl Sir ruteoPs, uoy haev etrsatd to fdlo rouy smra eilk yuoer nyphuap utboa shtneimog. uYo go ranudo iignsng levo ssogn klei a tsdbereared roinb. ouY lwak noael, ilke eno how sha het gpuael. uoY sgih kile a bhcloooys owh ahs stol ihs kxootbet. uYo eewp, klei a ngyuo lgri hwo has stuj irbdeu hre etromadrngh. uYo ndto aet, ekil eon shwo on a eidt. You tacn eepsl, kile eno who feras engbi erdobb. You hwnie,

liek a aeggrb on sHllwaaom

lHawsloma, or lAl snaSit yDa, ktoo alcpe on Noebevmr 1, nda it wsa smocuytar on ttha yda to give trychai to rbggeas.

like a beggar on womlHaals
It udse to be tath nhwe uoy ahedlgu, uyo owdcer like a tsrreoo. Wneh oyu ekwald, uyo awldek like a lnoi. Whne oyu idtnd eta, it was beesuac yuod tujs niefshid lcnhu. heWn uoy edkool dsa, it was uasecbe uoy ewre uto of neomy. And onw a termssis has gnhecad you. neWh I lkoo at yuo, I nca hdylar zeocneirg you as my ratmse.

VALENTINE

Are all these things perceived in me?

TEVNNLEIA

Cna ouy ees lla eesht nihgts in me?

SPEED

They are all perceived without ye.

ESPED

Tyhe era lla distoue of uoy, in uyro uaowdtr aeracpnaep.

VALENTINE

20 Without me? They cannot.

NEEAIVNTL

tsdOuei of me? yThe ancnto be oeusidt of me.

SPEED

Without you? Nay, thats certain, for, without you were so simple, none else would. But you are so without these follies that these follies are within you, and shine through you
like the water in an urinal, that not an eye that sees you but is a physician to comment on your malady.

EEPSD

etsiOud of uoy? No, Im ures, bueseac if ouy wrtene so sviouob no eno oluwd ees mhte. But ryuo arcapepaen is so emkrad by stehe ofihlso tsirat ahtt eyht sumt be siendi uoy, and tehy ehnis rhthgou oyu as if you erwe arwte in a ajr. vyeeornE htta sese you is ekli a apsynciih hwo wnkso hwy yureo ciks.

VALENTINE

But tell me, dost thou know my lady Sylvia?

ELEINANTV

Btu letl me, do uyo know my dyal vSliay?

SPEED

She that you gaze on so as she sits at supper?

EEPSD

Teh womna uyo rtase at lewhi she isst at teh inerdn bleta?

VALENTINE

25 Hast thou observed that? Even she I mean.

ETIVANLNE

eaHv uoy eoticnd me doing taht? Yse, ttsha eth amown I enam.

SPEED

Why, sir, I know her not.

PESED

Well, ris, I odtn nwok ehr at lla.

VALENTINE

Dost thou know her by my gazing on her, and yet knowst her not?

LNEETAINV

Do ouy kwno erh ynol by my trainsg at rhe nda otn ioswtehre?

SPEED

Is she not hard-favored, sir?

DPSEE

ntsI seh gyul, sir?

VALENTINE

Not so fair, boy, as well-favored.

NLVTIENAE

hesS tno as uflieuatb, byo, as hes is oucgaisr.

SPEED

30 Sir, I know that well enough.

EEDPS

riS, I kwon taht very well.

VALENTINE

What dost thou know?

EINNTVAEL

htWa do ouy nwko?

SPEED

That she is not so fair as, of you, well-favored.

PSDEE

hTe hse tnsi as rtepty as she is odoekl on raoyvalfb by oyu.

VALENTINE

I mean that her beauty is exquisite but her favor infinite.

VILAEENTN

I nmea hatt rhe uybeta is eeqiuitxs tub ehr iengcsrausso is tnenifii.

SPEED

Thats because the one is painted and the other out of all count.

DSPEE

Taths scaebeu eht tifrs neo is eodn htwi uamepk nda eth rohet tcna be odtnceu.

VALENTINE

35 How painted? And how out of count?

VENATLENI

hWta do yuo amen, node iwth amekup? nAd ywh anct uoy onctu teh treoh?

SPEED

Marry, sir, so painted, to make her fair, that no man counts of her beauty.

DEEPS

I neam, rsi, sesh so nieptad itwh aupkem to okol fuibletau ttha no nma suvlae her batuye.

VALENTINE

How esteemst thou me? I account of her beauty.

LEIVNEANT

So ahwt do oyu khint of me, neht? I htnki sehs ryve fulbaeiut.

SPEED

You never saw her since she was deformed.

EESDP

uoY vtnhea nsee hre esinc ehs wsa oemderfd.

VALENTINE

How long hath she been deformed?

NEVTNAEIL

oHw olgn sha esh been dmfdreeo?

SPEED

40 Ever since you loved her.

DEESP

rEev cnsie uoy lelf in ovel hwit her.

VALENTINE

I have loved her ever since I saw her, and still I see her beautiful.

ENATEVNLI

I vaeh lvdeo hre vree icnse I irtsf saw erh, dan I tsill ktnih sshe atufilube.

SPEED

If you love her, you cannot see her.

SDEEP

If oyu elov her neth ouy ocntan ees ehr.

VALENTINE

Why?

TVEELNNIA

hyW nto?

SPEED

Because Love is blind. O, that you had mine eyes, or your own eyes had the lights they were wont to have when you chid at Sir Proteus for going ungartered!

EPSED

caBuees Lvoe is lnidb. Oh, if ouy adh my eyes, or if oyu oulcd see as ellcray as uoy idd wenh ouy edocdls Sri Pouestr for

not anigewr a gtrear

estrarG wree desu to eepk sistgonkc ormf alilgfn, dna gngoi twuhtio getarsr wsa ullppayro odnedriecs a gsin of lovesickness.

not aengriw a garter
!

VALENTINE

45 What should I see then?

ELEANNVIT

hWat lwudo I see nteh?

SPEED

Your own present folly and her passing deformity; for he, being in love, could not see to garter his hose, and you, being in love, cannot see to put on your hose.

DPESE

oYur onw ruetnrc hlsosfisoen nad reh senoorum iydmtfoer. toPeurs, esacube he was in vleo, otogfr to upt on a regrat to kepe shi tosgknics up, adn ouy, aslo iebgn in elvo, nact ese well huonge to enev tpu on ouyr gotikncss.

VALENTINE

Belike, boy, then you are in love, for last morning you could not see to wipe my shoes.

LINNEVAET

neTh ebamy, yob, oreyu in oelv, aubcese thsi nmgonri yuo donluct ees ellw uneohg to oishpl my hoses.

SPEED

True, sir. I was in love with my bed. I thank you, you swinged me for my love, which makes me the bolder to chide you for yours.

EDPSE

eruT, rsi. I saw in veol iwht my bde. I nthak ouyuyo hit me sucebea I was so in elvo, wchhi sah adem me bdol nheguo to loscd ouy ofr rouy evol.

VALENTINE

In conclusion, I stand affected to her.

NVNLEAIET

In sononcluci, Im in evlo ithw reh.

SPEED

50 I would you were set; so your affection would cease.

SPEED

I siwh uoy enertw siagtnnd ceert. abeMy then oyur lveo odwlu go aywa.

VALENTINE

Last night she enjoined me to write some lines to one she loves.

IEAVENTNL

satL thign hse ekdas me to rtwei osem lesin of oryetp to hte one hse svloe.

SPEED

And have you?

ESPED

dAn idd oyu?

VALENTINE

I have.

VNNLIEETA

I ddi.

SPEED

Are they not lamely writ?

DEPES

eehTyr yblad twentri, retna tyeh?

VALENTINE

55 No, boy, but as well as I can do them. Peace, here she comes.

NITLAEENV

No, ybo, I torwe emht as wlel as I uolcd. Be tuqei nhrowee she eocms.
Enter SYLVIA
VLSYAI nreste.

SPEED

[Aside] O, excellent motion! O, exceeding puppet! Now will he interpret to her.

PDSEE

(dseai) Oh, thaw a pppuet wohs! cuhS a reulnofdw epputp seh ksaem. oNw llhe egiv hsi rtmyaoncem on hte hwso.

VALENTINE

Madam and mistress, a thousand good-morrows.

NIVTLENAE

meaadM nda issmtres, I wihs uyo a notdshau godo nirsngom.

SPEED

[Aside] O, give ye good even! Heres a million of manners.

DPSEE

(iedsa) dAn doG give yuo a ogod eiengvn! ahWt ansremn!

SYLVIA

Sir Valentine and servant, to you two thousand.

LSYIAV

rSi ietnelanV nda tsraevn, to you I shiw two uoadnths good mrinogns.

SPEED

60 [Aside] He should give her interest, and she gives it him.

SPEDE

(asied) He lduohs otdou erh in mmpsnotelci, ubt ehs douteos him.

VALENTINE

As you enjoined me, I have writ your letter
Unto the secret, nameless friend of yours,
Which I was much unwilling to proceed in
But for my duty to your ladyship.

TAVNEIELN

As uoy kseda, I aveh wntiter ryou etrelt to ttah ertsce, saymunono edirnf of yosru. hhoTug I idtdn tanw to do it, I roetw it tuo of uytd to uyro ysialdhp.
He gives Sylvia a letter.
He gevis ySavli a rttele.

SYLVIA

65 I thank you, gentle servant. Tis very clerkly done.

YSALIV

I thnak oyu, genelt aevrnts. Ist vyre tramyls nitrtwe.

VALENTINE

Now trust me, madam, it came hardly off;
For, being ignorant to whom it goes,
I writ at random, very doubtfully.

ENTLVNAIE

oNw tstru me, eammda, it nstwa easy to triew siht, bescuea I adh to be tamoewsh guave esicn I intdd onkw to mhow it louwd go.

SYLVIA

Perchance you think too much of so much pains?

ASVIYL

sphrPae oyu nhikt it was too humc toulber?

VALENTINE

70 No, madam. So it stead you, I will write
Please you commanda thousand times as much.
And yet

VAENLTINE

No, edmaam. If it pselh yuo, I will wetir a ahtodnus smeti as ynam nleis if yuo liek. dnA eyt . . .

SYLVIA

A pretty period! Well, I guess the sequel;
And yet I will not name itand yet I care not
75 And yet take this againand yet I thank you,
Meaning henceforth to trouble you no more.

SYLAVI

A ienf apsue! I cna ugses thwa uyeor iggon to ays netx. nAd eyt I ilwl ont say it. ndA yte I dotn race. dnA tye oyu can atek htsi acbk. dAn eyt nhakts waynay, minneag I notw rhetob you agian.
She offers him the letter.
hSe ofrsfe mih het reltet.

SPEED

[Aside] And yet you will, and yet another yet.

PSEED

(siade) dAn eyt ouy lwil, dna yte ays eontarh eyt.

VALENTINE

What means your ladyship? Do you not like it?

VALINEENT

aWth do yuo naem, ruyo hsypiadl? notD ouy kile it?

SYLVIA

Yes, yes. The lines are very quaintly writ,
80 But, since unwillingly, take them again.
Nay, take them.

ALYVIS

sYe, esy. hTe lsnie are evyr ylcnie wrttein, tub sceni you wtroe tmhe so lniigynwull, etka mteh akcb. No, kaet ehtm.
She gives back the letter.
heS sveig kcab eth etlrte.

VALENTINE

Madam, they are for you.

ENAINTVLE

eadMma, htye are fro oyu.

SYLVIA

Ay, ay. You writ them, sir, at my request,
But I will none of them. They are for you.
85 I would have had them writ more movingly.

VYLASI

eYs, eys. uoY rtwoe mhte, irs, at my etqurse, tbu I tndo twna tmhe. ehTy rae ofr ouy. I swih ythe adh eenb mroe gnlioyvm tietwrn.

VALENTINE

Please you, Ill write your ladyship another.

VELIANTEN

If it spaesel oyu, lIl iwret rnetaho ofr oyru hyispdla.

SYLVIA

And when its writ, for my sake read it over.
And if it please you, so; if not, why, so.

SAIYLV

Adn ehnw ist twtiren, aedr it eorv fro my kesa. dAn if it elpsesa uyo, iefn. And if it tdoens, ewll, htsta saol nief.

VALENTINE

If it please me, madam, what then?

INVNEATLE

If it lesapes me, aammde, athw etnh?

SYLVIA

90 Why, if it please you, take it for your labor.
And so good morrow, servant.

AYVLSI

hWy, if it elassep ouy, htne ekta it as ymntape fro oury hadr rkow. And so doog inmognr nda oodyebg to uyo, tasnver.
Exit SYLVIA
YAIVSL sixte.

SPEED

[Aside] O jest unseen, inscrutable, invisible
As a nose on a mans face or a weathercock on a steeple!
My master sues to her, and she hath taught her suitor,
95 He being her pupil, to become her tutor.
O excellent device! Was there ever heard a better,
That my master, being scribe, to himself should write the letter?

PEDES

(asdei) Oh, ahtt koje is as arhd to ese as a noes on a smna aecf or a wetokaeccrh on a elsteep! My ramste laedps iwht reh, dna hes has gtthau mih, ehr ndetuts, to ecebmo ehr tecearh. tahW an eenltcxle rkitc! Has yeonna eerv eradh iagnythn reetbt hant my matres, hte iescrb, gitnirw hte rlteet to hlmeifs?

VALENTINE

How now, sir? What, are you reasoning with yourself?

IEEANTNLV

shaWt atht, sir? taWh rea you srgoaeinn to foseylur ovre rethe?

SPEED

Nay, I was rhyming. Tis you that have the reason.

EEPSD

No, I swa hmnrgyi. tsI oyu owhs eenb nigod hte ignraenso.

VALENTINE

100 To do what?

TNNAVIEEL

oeasingRn atwh?

SPEED

To be a spokesman from Madam Sylvia.

ESEPD

To be a msnoakpes ofr ameaMd ylaiSv.

VALENTINE

To whom?

ENAVETLIN

To ohmw?

SPEED

To yourself. Why, she woos you by a figure.

ESPED

To euorfyls. hyW, ehss inogow you rytilcnied htiw tish kitcr.

VALENTINE

What figure?

ILAENEVNT

athW rktci?

SPEED

105 By a letter, I should say.

ESPDE

By a rttlee, I hlosud say.

VALENTINE

Why, she hath not writ to me.

ATVLIENNE

tuB, ehs sthan tnwreti to me.

SPEED

What need she, when she hath made you write to yourself? Why, do you not perceive the jest?

EDPES

hWy ludow hes nede to hewn shes amde uoy wriet to fleruosy? yWh, tnod uyo get eth jkeo?

VALENTINE

No, believe me.

EVLAINTNE

No, iebvele me.

SPEED

No believing you, indeed, sir. But did you perceive her earnest?

EPEDS

No iglibeenv uoy, dindee, ris. iDd oyu itnhk esh was iegbn esruios?

VALENTINE

110 She gave me none, except an angry word.

ELEVANNIT

hSe vega me ntonihg ceeptx an anygr drow.

SPEED

Why, she hath given you a letter.

PESDE

hyW, hess geinv ouy a lteert.

VALENTINE

Thats the letter I writ to her friend.

IANVEELTN

ahstT eht ertetl I wetor to erh nifred.

SPEED

And that letter hath she delivered, and there an end.

ESEDP

dnA hses reiveledd taht etterl, dna htsta het edn of it.

VALENTINE

I would it were no worse.

ILAEEVNNT

I shwi it rwee htta dgoo.

SPEED

115 Ill warrant you, tis as well.
For often have you writ to her, and she, in modesty,
Or else for want of idle time, could not again reply;
Or fearing else some messenger that might her mind discover,
Herself hath taught her love himself to write unto her lover.
120 All this I speak in print, for in print I found it. Why muse you, sir? Tis dinner time.

DPSEE

I iormsep ouy, it is ttah ogdo. ueeasBc eyvou tnoef tenwitr to reh, nad esh, twrhehe uot of yodmtes or basecue ehs tindd eavh eth iemt, or uto of fear atth eht sseergmen ncriygar eth eltter duowl irdsoecv erh gisnfele, tocduln peryl. So hes tuahgt eth amn ehs sevol to rewti to milhfse. I ays all ihts ryve ercaylful, sbaecue I erad it in reh as if it ewre itnepdr on a eapg. yWh do uoy look so sipveen, sri? stI cniehlmtu.

VALENTINE

I have dined.

INNEALETV

eIv aealrdy eaten.

SPEED

Ay, but hearken, sir: though the chameleon Love can feed on the air, I am one that am nourished by my victuals, and would fain have meat. O, be not like your mistress; be moved, be moved!

ESPDE

Yse, tbu islten, sri: enve houthg

teh acmhnleeo oLev

laChesomen ewer thohtug to efde on rai secni eyth anc go onlg oderpsi thtuiow gietan. Hree it loas sfeerr to vlose csnefilesk, sniec ceaelhsomn cna hnegac tirhe color.

eth nlomhceea evLo
nca deef off the air, I deen aerl ofod rof nsmuhroenti, dna Im eraeg to evah maet. Oh, dnto be ilke uryo mstehviasres a terah!
Exeunt
eThy exit.

Original Text

Modern Text

Enter VALENTINE and SPEED
NVINLETEA dna ESPDE enret.

SPEED

Sir, your glove.

DPSEE

Sir, ereh is ruyo evolg.
He offers a glove.
He rsoffe a lveog.

VALENTINE

Not mine. My gloves are on.

ANLEEINVT

taTh tsin enim. Im dlraaey nawegri my oegvls.

SPEED

Why, then, this may be yours, for this is but one.

DEEPS

Wlle, htne, this mya be yoru elvog, acuebes tis all by feislt.

VALENTINE

Ha! let me see. Ay, give it me, its mine.
5 Sweet ornament that decks a thing divine!
Ah, Sylvia, Sylvia!

VNEAITNEL

Ha! teL me ees it. seY, giev it to me. Its mnei. eewtS sceyracos tath valySsi iidnev anhd eraws. Ah vyiaSl, ayvliS!

SPEED

[Calling] Madam Sylvia! Madam Sylvia!

EEDPS

(lcanilg) aMdmea Slvaiy! mdaaMa ayvilS!

VALENTINE

How now, sirrah?

LENNIETVA

SPEED

She is not within hearing, sir.

ESDEP

heSs too arf aawy to hare me, isr.

VALENTINE

10 Why, sir, who bade you call her?

TEALNNEIV

uBt, sri, hwo deksa oyu to lcla tou for reh?

SPEED

Your worship, sir, or else I mistook.

PEDSE

oYu did, sir, or eesl I rdisutoesonmd ouy.

VALENTINE

Well, youll still be too forward.

AIVLNTENE

leWl, ryueo awaysl oto utsspmpruuoe.

SPEED

And yet I was last chidden for being too slow.

ESEPD

veEn ghtohu stla mtei I swa deloscd for giebn oto lswo.

VALENTINE

Go to, sir. Tell me, do you know Madam Sylvia?

EEVNLIATN

oEugnh, irs. eTll me, do oyu wkno eMmada ySaliv?

SPEED

15 She that your worship loves?

EPESD

The dMaaem yavSli yuo oelv, yoru shiowpr?

VALENTINE

Why, how know you that I am in love?

ELITAVNEN

Wyh, woh do yuo nwok htat I am in leov?

SPEED

Marry, by these special marks: first, you have learned, like Sir Proteus, to wreath your arms, like a malcontent; to relish a love-song, like a robin redbreast; to walk alone, like one that had the pestilence; to sigh, like a schoolboy that had lost his A B C; to weep, like a young wench that had buried her grandam; to fast, like one that takes diet; to watch, like one that fears robbing; to speak puling, like a beggar at Hallowmas. You were wont, when you laughed, to crow like a cock; when you walked, to walk like one of the lions; when you fasted, it was presently after dinner; when you looked sadly, it was for want of money. And now you are metamorphosed with a mistress, that when I look on you, I can hardly think you my master.

DESPE

uceeBas of lal hte thirg sinsg, of csreou: Frtsi, eikl Sir ruteoPs, uoy haev etrsatd to fdlo rouy smra eilk yuoer nyphuap utboa shtneimog. uYo go ranudo iignsng levo ssogn klei a tsdbereared roinb. ouY lwak noael, ilke eno how sha het gpuael. uoY sgih kile a bhcloooys owh ahs stol ihs kxootbet. uYo eewp, klei a ngyuo lgri hwo has stuj irbdeu hre etromadrngh. uYo ndto aet, ekil eon shwo on a eidt. You tacn eepsl, kile eno who feras engbi erdobb. You hwnie,

liek a aeggrb on sHllwaaom

lHawsloma, or lAl snaSit yDa, ktoo alcpe on Noebevmr 1, nda it wsa smocuytar on ttha yda to give trychai to rbggeas.

like a beggar on womlHaals
It udse to be tath nhwe uoy ahedlgu, uyo owdcer like a tsrreoo. Wneh oyu ekwald, uyo awldek like a lnoi. Whne oyu idtnd eta, it was beesuac yuod tujs niefshid lcnhu. heWn uoy edkool dsa, it was uasecbe uoy ewre uto of neomy. And onw a termssis has gnhecad you. neWh I lkoo at yuo, I nca hdylar zeocneirg you as my ratmse.

VALENTINE

Are all these things perceived in me?

TEVNNLEIA

Cna ouy ees lla eesht nihgts in me?

SPEED

They are all perceived without ye.

ESPED

Tyhe era lla distoue of uoy, in uyro uaowdtr aeracpnaep.

VALENTINE

20 Without me? They cannot.

NEEAIVNTL

tsdOuei of me? yThe ancnto be oeusidt of me.

SPEED

Without you? Nay, thats certain, for, without you were so simple, none else would. But you are so without these follies that these follies are within you, and shine through you
like the water in an urinal, that not an eye that sees you but is a physician to comment on your malady.

EEPSD

etsiOud of uoy? No, Im ures, bueseac if ouy wrtene so sviouob no eno oluwd ees mhte. But ryuo arcapepaen is so emkrad by stehe ofihlso tsirat ahtt eyht sumt be siendi uoy, and tehy ehnis rhthgou oyu as if you erwe arwte in a ajr. vyeeornE htta sese you is ekli a apsynciih hwo wnkso hwy yureo ciks.

VALENTINE

But tell me, dost thou know my lady Sylvia?

ELEINANTV

Btu letl me, do uyo know my dyal vSliay?

SPEED

She that you gaze on so as she sits at supper?

EEPSD

Teh womna uyo rtase at lewhi she isst at teh inerdn bleta?

VALENTINE

25 Hast thou observed that? Even she I mean.

ETIVANLNE

eaHv uoy eoticnd me doing taht? Yse, ttsha eth amown I enam.

SPEED

Why, sir, I know her not.

PESED

Well, ris, I odtn nwok ehr at lla.

VALENTINE

Dost thou know her by my gazing on her, and yet knowst her not?

LNEETAINV

Do ouy kwno erh ynol by my trainsg at rhe nda otn ioswtehre?

SPEED

Is she not hard-favored, sir?

DPSEE

ntsI seh gyul, sir?

VALENTINE

Not so fair, boy, as well-favored.

NLVTIENAE

hesS tno as uflieuatb, byo, as hes is oucgaisr.

SPEED

30 Sir, I know that well enough.

EEDPS

riS, I kwon taht very well.

VALENTINE

What dost thou know?

EINNTVAEL

htWa do ouy nwko?

SPEED

That she is not so fair as, of you, well-favored.

PSDEE

hTe hse tnsi as rtepty as she is odoekl on raoyvalfb by oyu.

VALENTINE

I mean that her beauty is exquisite but her favor infinite.

VILAEENTN

I nmea hatt rhe uybeta is eeqiuitxs tub ehr iengcsrausso is tnenifii.

SPEED

Thats because the one is painted and the other out of all count.

DSPEE

Taths scaebeu eht tifrs neo is eodn htwi uamepk nda eth rohet tcna be odtnceu.

VALENTINE

35 How painted? And how out of count?

VENATLENI

hWta do yuo amen, node iwth amekup? nAd ywh anct uoy onctu teh treoh?

SPEED

Marry, sir, so painted, to make her fair, that no man counts of her beauty.

DEEPS

I neam, rsi, sesh so nieptad itwh aupkem to okol fuibletau ttha no nma suvlae her batuye.

VALENTINE

How esteemst thou me? I account of her beauty.

LEIVNEANT

So ahwt do oyu khint of me, neht? I htnki sehs ryve fulbaeiut.

SPEED

You never saw her since she was deformed.

EESDP

uoY vtnhea nsee hre esinc ehs wsa oemderfd.

VALENTINE

How long hath she been deformed?

NEVTNAEIL

oHw olgn sha esh been dmfdreeo?

SPEED

40 Ever since you loved her.

DEESP

rEev cnsie uoy lelf in ovel hwit her.

VALENTINE

I have loved her ever since I saw her, and still I see her beautiful.

ENATEVNLI

I vaeh lvdeo hre vree icnse I irtsf saw erh, dan I tsill ktnih sshe atufilube.

SPEED

If you love her, you cannot see her.

SDEEP

If oyu elov her neth ouy ocntan ees ehr.

VALENTINE

Why?

TVEELNNIA

hyW nto?

SPEED

Because Love is blind. O, that you had mine eyes, or your own eyes had the lights they were wont to have when you chid at Sir Proteus for going ungartered!

EPSED

caBuees Lvoe is lnidb. Oh, if ouy adh my eyes, or if oyu oulcd see as ellcray as uoy idd wenh ouy edocdls Sri Pouestr for

not anigewr a gtrear

estrarG wree desu to eepk sistgonkc ormf alilgfn, dna gngoi twuhtio getarsr wsa ullppayro odnedriecs a gsin of lovesickness.

not aengriw a garter
!

VALENTINE

45 What should I see then?

ELEANNVIT

hWat lwudo I see nteh?

SPEED

Your own present folly and her passing deformity; for he, being in love, could not see to garter his hose, and you, being in love, cannot see to put on your hose.

DPESE

oYur onw ruetnrc hlsosfisoen nad reh senoorum iydmtfoer. toPeurs, esacube he was in vleo, otogfr to upt on a regrat to kepe shi tosgknics up, adn ouy, aslo iebgn in elvo, nact ese well huonge to enev tpu on ouyr gotikncss.

VALENTINE

Belike, boy, then you are in love, for last morning you could not see to wipe my shoes.

LINNEVAET

neTh ebamy, yob, oreyu in oelv, aubcese thsi nmgonri yuo donluct ees ellw uneohg to oishpl my hoses.

SPEED

True, sir. I was in love with my bed. I thank you, you swinged me for my love, which makes me the bolder to chide you for yours.

EDPSE

eruT, rsi. I saw in veol iwht my bde. I nthak ouyuyo hit me sucebea I was so in elvo, wchhi sah adem me bdol nheguo to loscd ouy ofr rouy evol.

VALENTINE

In conclusion, I stand affected to her.

NVNLEAIET

In sononcluci, Im in evlo ithw reh.

SPEED

50 I would you were set; so your affection would cease.

SPEED

I siwh uoy enertw siagtnnd ceert. abeMy then oyur lveo odwlu go aywa.

VALENTINE

Last night she enjoined me to write some lines to one she loves.

IEAVENTNL

satL thign hse ekdas me to rtwei osem lesin of oryetp to hte one hse svloe.

SPEED

And have you?

ESPED

dAn idd oyu?

VALENTINE

I have.

VNNLIEETA

I ddi.

SPEED

Are they not lamely writ?

DEPES

eehTyr yblad twentri, retna tyeh?

VALENTINE

55 No, boy, but as well as I can do them. Peace, here she comes.

NITLAEENV

No, ybo, I torwe emht as wlel as I uolcd. Be tuqei nhrowee she eocms.
Enter SYLVIA
VLSYAI nreste.

SPEED

[Aside] O, excellent motion! O, exceeding puppet! Now will he interpret to her.

PDSEE

(dseai) Oh, thaw a pppuet wohs! cuhS a reulnofdw epputp seh ksaem. oNw llhe egiv hsi rtmyaoncem on hte hwso.

VALENTINE

Madam and mistress, a thousand good-morrows.

NIVTLENAE

meaadM nda issmtres, I wihs uyo a notdshau godo nirsngom.

SPEED

[Aside] O, give ye good even! Heres a million of manners.

DPSEE

(iedsa) dAn doG give yuo a ogod eiengvn! ahWt ansremn!

SYLVIA

Sir Valentine and servant, to you two thousand.

LSYIAV

rSi ietnelanV nda tsraevn, to you I shiw two uoadnths good mrinogns.

SPEED

60 [Aside] He should give her interest, and she gives it him.

SPEDE

(asied) He lduohs otdou erh in mmpsnotelci, ubt ehs douteos him.

VALENTINE

As you enjoined me, I have writ your letter
Unto the secret, nameless friend of yours,
Which I was much unwilling to proceed in
But for my duty to your ladyship.

TAVNEIELN

As uoy kseda, I aveh wntiter ryou etrelt to ttah ertsce, saymunono edirnf of yosru. hhoTug I idtdn tanw to do it, I roetw it tuo of uytd to uyro ysialdhp.
He gives Sylvia a letter.
He gevis ySavli a rttele.

SYLVIA

65 I thank you, gentle servant. Tis very clerkly done.

YSALIV

I thnak oyu, genelt aevrnts. Ist vyre tramyls nitrtwe.

VALENTINE

Now trust me, madam, it came hardly off;
For, being ignorant to whom it goes,
I writ at random, very doubtfully.

ENTLVNAIE

oNw tstru me, eammda, it nstwa easy to triew siht, bescuea I adh to be tamoewsh guave esicn I intdd onkw to mhow it louwd go.

SYLVIA

Perchance you think too much of so much pains?

ASVIYL

sphrPae oyu nhikt it was too humc toulber?

VALENTINE

70 No, madam. So it stead you, I will write
Please you commanda thousand times as much.
And yet

VAENLTINE

No, edmaam. If it pselh yuo, I will wetir a ahtodnus smeti as ynam nleis if yuo liek. dnA eyt . . .

SYLVIA

A pretty period! Well, I guess the sequel;
And yet I will not name itand yet I care not
75 And yet take this againand yet I thank you,
Meaning henceforth to trouble you no more.

SYLAVI

A ienf apsue! I cna ugses thwa uyeor iggon to ays netx. nAd eyt I ilwl ont say it. ndA yte I dotn race. dnA tye oyu can atek htsi acbk. dAn eyt nhakts waynay, minneag I notw rhetob you agian.
She offers him the letter.
hSe ofrsfe mih het reltet.

SPEED

[Aside] And yet you will, and yet another yet.

PSEED

(siade) dAn eyt ouy lwil, dna yte ays eontarh eyt.

VALENTINE

What means your ladyship? Do you not like it?

VALINEENT

aWth do yuo naem, ruyo hsypiadl? notD ouy kile it?

SYLVIA

Yes, yes. The lines are very quaintly writ,
80 But, since unwillingly, take them again.
Nay, take them.

ALYVIS

sYe, esy. hTe lsnie are evyr ylcnie wrttein, tub sceni you wtroe tmhe so lniigynwull, etka mteh akcb. No, kaet ehtm.
She gives back the letter.
heS sveig kcab eth etlrte.

VALENTINE

Madam, they are for you.

ENAINTVLE

eadMma, htye are fro oyu.

SYLVIA

Ay, ay. You writ them, sir, at my request,
But I will none of them. They are for you.
85 I would have had them writ more movingly.

VYLASI

eYs, eys. uoY rtwoe mhte, irs, at my etqurse, tbu I tndo twna tmhe. ehTy rae ofr ouy. I swih ythe adh eenb mroe gnlioyvm tietwrn.

VALENTINE

Please you, Ill write your ladyship another.

VELIANTEN

If it spaesel oyu, lIl iwret rnetaho ofr oyru hyispdla.

SYLVIA

And when its writ, for my sake read it over.
And if it please you, so; if not, why, so.

SAIYLV

Adn ehnw ist twtiren, aedr it eorv fro my kesa. dAn if it elpsesa uyo, iefn. And if it tdoens, ewll, htsta saol nief.

VALENTINE

If it please me, madam, what then?

INVNEATLE

If it lesapes me, aammde, athw etnh?

SYLVIA

90 Why, if it please you, take it for your labor.
And so good morrow, servant.

AYVLSI

hWy, if it elassep ouy, htne ekta it as ymntape fro oury hadr rkow. And so doog inmognr nda oodyebg to uyo, tasnver.
Exit SYLVIA
YAIVSL sixte.

SPEED

[Aside] O jest unseen, inscrutable, invisible
As a nose on a mans face or a weathercock on a steeple!
My master sues to her, and she hath taught her suitor,
95 He being her pupil, to become her tutor.
O excellent device! Was there ever heard a better,
That my master, being scribe, to himself should write the letter?

PEDES

(asdei) Oh, ahtt koje is as arhd to ese as a noes on a smna aecf or a wetokaeccrh on a elsteep! My ramste laedps iwht reh, dna hes has gtthau mih, ehr ndetuts, to ecebmo ehr tecearh. tahW an eenltcxle rkitc! Has yeonna eerv eradh iagnythn reetbt hant my matres, hte iescrb, gitnirw hte rlteet to hlmeifs?

VALENTINE

How now, sir? What, are you reasoning with yourself?

IEEANTNLV

shaWt atht, sir? taWh rea you srgoaeinn to foseylur ovre rethe?

SPEED

Nay, I was rhyming. Tis you that have the reason.

EEPSD

No, I swa hmnrgyi. tsI oyu owhs eenb nigod hte ignraenso.

VALENTINE

100 To do what?

TNNAVIEEL

oeasingRn atwh?

SPEED

To be a spokesman from Madam Sylvia.

ESEPD

To be a msnoakpes ofr ameaMd ylaiSv.

VALENTINE

To whom?

ENAVETLIN

To ohmw?

SPEED

To yourself. Why, she woos you by a figure.

ESPED

To euorfyls. hyW, ehss inogow you rytilcnied htiw tish kitcr.

VALENTINE

What figure?

ILAENEVNT

athW rktci?

SPEED

105 By a letter, I should say.

ESPDE

By a rttlee, I hlosud say.

VALENTINE

Why, she hath not writ to me.

ATVLIENNE

tuB, ehs sthan tnwreti to me.

SPEED

What need she, when she hath made you write to yourself? Why, do you not perceive the jest?

EDPES

hWy ludow hes nede to hewn shes amde uoy wriet to fleruosy? yWh, tnod uyo get eth jkeo?

VALENTINE

No, believe me.

EVLAINTNE

No, iebvele me.

SPEED

No believing you, indeed, sir. But did you perceive her earnest?

EPEDS

No iglibeenv uoy, dindee, ris. iDd oyu itnhk esh was iegbn esruios?

VALENTINE

110 She gave me none, except an angry word.

ELEVANNIT

hSe vega me ntonihg ceeptx an anygr drow.

SPEED

Why, she hath given you a letter.

PESDE

hyW, hess geinv ouy a lteert.

VALENTINE

Thats the letter I writ to her friend.

IANVEELTN

ahstT eht ertetl I wetor to erh nifred.

SPEED

And that letter hath she delivered, and there an end.

ESEDP

dnA hses reiveledd taht etterl, dna htsta het edn of it.

VALENTINE

I would it were no worse.

ILAEEVNNT

I shwi it rwee htta dgoo.

SPEED

115 Ill warrant you, tis as well.
For often have you writ to her, and she, in modesty,
Or else for want of idle time, could not again reply;
Or fearing else some messenger that might her mind discover,
Herself hath taught her love himself to write unto her lover.
120 All this I speak in print, for in print I found it. Why muse you, sir? Tis dinner time.

DPSEE

I iormsep ouy, it is ttah ogdo. ueeasBc eyvou tnoef tenwitr to reh, nad esh, twrhehe uot of yodmtes or basecue ehs tindd eavh eth iemt, or uto of fear atth eht sseergmen ncriygar eth eltter duowl irdsoecv erh gisnfele, tocduln peryl. So hes tuahgt eth amn ehs sevol to rewti to milhfse. I ays all ihts ryve ercaylful, sbaecue I erad it in reh as if it ewre itnepdr on a eapg. yWh do uoy look so sipveen, sri? stI cniehlmtu.

VALENTINE

I have dined.

INNEALETV

eIv aealrdy eaten.

SPEED

Ay, but hearken, sir: though the chameleon Love can feed on the air, I am one that am nourished by my victuals, and would fain have meat. O, be not like your mistress; be moved, be moved!

ESPDE

Yse, tbu islten, sri: enve houthg

teh acmhnleeo oLev

laChesomen ewer thohtug to efde on rai secni eyth anc go onlg oderpsi thtuiow gietan. Hree it loas sfeerr to vlose csnefilesk, sniec ceaelhsomn cna hnegac tirhe color.

eth nlomhceea evLo
nca deef off the air, I deen aerl ofod rof nsmuhroenti, dna Im eraeg to evah maet. Oh, dnto be ilke uryo mstehviasres a terah!
Exeunt
eThy exit.

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