No Fear Shakespeare: The Two Gentlemen of Verona: Act 2 Scene 5

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Original Text	Modern Text
Enter, meeting, SPEED and LANCE with his dog Crab	DPEES nad ECLNA , wthi sih dgo, aCrb, reten adn teme.
SPEED Lance, by mine honesty, welcome to Milan!	EPSED eanLc, yesnhlot, wclmeeo to iMnal!
LANCE Forswear not thyself, sweet youth, for I am not welcome. I reckon this always, that a man is never undone till he be hanged, nor never welcome to a place till some certain shot be paid and the hostess say Welcome!	ACNLE noDt eli, my nerifd, uesbace I am otn wmceeol. I salyaw belieev a nam is venre snuk itlun esh dneagh, rno rvee ecemlow to a ecapl tinul teh llib sah ebne apid nad teh hsetsso ayss, Womlece!
SPEED Come on, you madcap, Ill to the alehouse with you presently, where, for one shot of five pence, thou shalt have five thousand welcomes. But, sirrah, how did thy master part with Madam Julia?	DEPES Ceom oyu, yuo liantuc, lIl go to het ubp wthi yuo sono, ewher ouy anc ehav veif ndohsuat owceslme for fvie peecn. uBt tlle me, alp, hwo ddi uryo emastr ysa gooebyd to eamMda Jauli?
LANCE Marry, after they closed in earnest, they parted very fairly in jest.	ACLNE uYo wnko, etrfa teyh sadi hiter treeans bogoedsy, yeth pdreat thiw a efw jekso.
SPEED 5 But shall she marry him?	PDSEE tuB iwll she armry him?
LANCE No.	ELACN No.
SPEED How then? Shall he marry her?	ESEPD Waht ehtn? ilWl he rmray reh?
LANCE No, neither.	ALNEC No, not tath ehitre.
SPEED What, are they broken?	DESPE hatW, veha yhte okrben up?
LANCE 10 No, they are both as whole as a fish.	CLEAN No, yteehr as wlhoe as veer.
SPEED Why, then, how stands the matter with them?	EPDSE lWle, thne, wereh do yhte dtnsa on the arttem?
LANCE Marry, thus: when it stands well with him, it stands well with her.	CLENA ndedeI, tshat eth way it is: ewnh he sanstd etcer, she in ogod nastgidn thwi hre.
SPEED What an ass art thou! I understand thee not.	EDESP taWh an ass uyo rea! I tndo nrddsntaue you.
LANCE What a block art thou, that thou canst not! My staff understands me.	ANLEC Wtha a kadhceobl uoy rae, isnec ouy ctna nrdtsundae me! My denoow sftaf rteudasnnsd me.
SPEED 15 What thou sayest?	EESDP ahtW are yuo ntgklai tubao?
LANCE Ay, and what I do too. Look thee, Ill but lean, and my staff understands me.	EACLN esY, nda sti atwh I do, oto. oLok eIreh islypm hvea to elan, adn my atffs uaesndrsndt me.
SPEED It stands under thee, indeed.	EDESP It tdasns urned yuo, denedi.
LANCE Why, stand-under and under-stand is all one.	LCENA lelW, ntgadisn-edrnu, nuder-tnaitsnsdig lal het esam.
SPEED But tell me true, will t be a match?	DSEPE But tlel me hensotyl, llwi ehty gte rmrdiea?
LANCE 20 Ask my dog. If he say ay, it will; if he say no, it will; if he shake his tail and say nothing, it will.	ALENC Aks my ogd. If he asys yes, hent yhte wlil. If he ssya no, hnte hyte lilw. If he sseahk hsi tila dan asys nithnog, tehn teyh llwi.
SPEED The conclusion is then that it will.	DPSEE So no retatm tahw nhet, teyh wlli get edrrmia.
LANCE Thou shalt never get such a secret from me but by a parable.	CNEAL uoYll rvnee get me to erelva teh creets pecetx in ieddrsl.
SPEED Tis well that I get it so. But, Lance, how sayest thou, that my master is become a notable lover?	EEPSD tsI esbt ttah I dfin tou htta way. tBu, Lncea, atwh can uyo tell me atobu het catf hatt my rtsmea ash ecemob a lwel-nwonk ervlo?
LANCE I never knew him otherwise.	LENCA I eervn newk imh rishoewet.
SPEED 25 Than how?	SEDPE Tnah wtha?
LANCE A notable lubber, as thou reportest him to be.	ECALN A llew-knwon ubbrle A gbi, uymcsl oaf. lubberand doiit, as eyuov lotd me he is.
SPEED Why, thou whoreson ass, thou mistakst me.	SDPEE hyW, uyo csjskaa sno of a ohrew hsiT rtem wsa tonfe dsue jokingly. son of a whore! oYu dnedatnirusms me.
LANCE Why, fool, I meant not thee. I meant thy master.	NLACE hyW, oofl, I tidnd aemn oyu. I ament yruo rmetsa.
SPEED I tell thee, my master is become a hot lover.	SEDPE I ltle uoy, my tamres ash meobec an neclltexe rlove.
LANCE 30 Why, I tell thee I care not, though he burn himself in love. If thou wilt, go with me to the alehouse; if not, thou art an Hebrew, a Jew, and not worth the name of a Christian.	LCANE ellW, I ellt uoy ttha I ndto raelyl acre, evne if he bunrs hfsilem mfro bnige so hot in velo. oemC ihwt me to teh bup if uoy lliw. If ton, enth eyoru a rebHew, a Jew, adn ton wyhtor to be dealcl a aCsiihtrn.
SPEED Why?	EDSEP Why?
LANCE Because thou hast not so much charity in thee as to go to the ale with a Christian. Wilt thou go?	ANLCE uesBace uyo tond neve ahve ghnuoe mocnpsoias in ouy to go to eht rhsuhcc lae efstalvi A rhatelacib eailsvtf in whhci lae swa sold dan eth resdpcoe elehdp teh uccrhh or wten to teh poor. the srhucch lae lifvtsae iwht a iaCitsnhr. So, ear you ncomgi?
SPEED At thy service.	PEESD Im at oyur ecvires.
Exeunt	eThy tixe.

Original Text	Modern Text
Enter, meeting, SPEED and LANCE with his dog Crab	DPEES nad ECLNA , wthi sih dgo, aCrb, reten adn teme.
SPEED Lance, by mine honesty, welcome to Milan!	EPSED eanLc, yesnhlot, wclmeeo to iMnal!
LANCE Forswear not thyself, sweet youth, for I am not welcome. I reckon this always, that a man is never undone till he be hanged, nor never welcome to a place till some certain shot be paid and the hostess say Welcome!	ACNLE noDt eli, my nerifd, uesbace I am otn wmceeol. I salyaw belieev a nam is venre snuk itlun esh dneagh, rno rvee ecemlow to a ecapl tinul teh llib sah ebne apid nad teh hsetsso ayss, Womlece!
SPEED Come on, you madcap, Ill to the alehouse with you presently, where, for one shot of five pence, thou shalt have five thousand welcomes. But, sirrah, how did thy master part with Madam Julia?	DEPES Ceom oyu, yuo liantuc, lIl go to het ubp wthi yuo sono, ewher ouy anc ehav veif ndohsuat owceslme for fvie peecn. uBt tlle me, alp, hwo ddi uryo emastr ysa gooebyd to eamMda Jauli?
LANCE Marry, after they closed in earnest, they parted very fairly in jest.	ACLNE uYo wnko, etrfa teyh sadi hiter treeans bogoedsy, yeth pdreat thiw a efw jekso.
SPEED 5 But shall she marry him?	PDSEE tuB iwll she armry him?
LANCE No.	ELACN No.
SPEED How then? Shall he marry her?	ESEPD Waht ehtn? ilWl he rmray reh?
LANCE No, neither.	ALNEC No, not tath ehitre.
SPEED What, are they broken?	DESPE hatW, veha yhte okrben up?
LANCE 10 No, they are both as whole as a fish.	CLEAN No, yteehr as wlhoe as veer.
SPEED Why, then, how stands the matter with them?	EPDSE lWle, thne, wereh do yhte dtnsa on the arttem?
LANCE Marry, thus: when it stands well with him, it stands well with her.	CLENA ndedeI, tshat eth way it is: ewnh he sanstd etcer, she in ogod nastgidn thwi hre.
SPEED What an ass art thou! I understand thee not.	EDESP taWh an ass uyo rea! I tndo nrddsntaue you.
LANCE What a block art thou, that thou canst not! My staff understands me.	ANLEC Wtha a kadhceobl uoy rae, isnec ouy ctna nrdtsundae me! My denoow sftaf rteudasnnsd me.
SPEED 15 What thou sayest?	EESDP ahtW are yuo ntgklai tubao?
LANCE Ay, and what I do too. Look thee, Ill but lean, and my staff understands me.	EACLN esY, nda sti atwh I do, oto. oLok eIreh islypm hvea to elan, adn my atffs uaesndrsndt me.
SPEED It stands under thee, indeed.	EDESP It tdasns urned yuo, denedi.
LANCE Why, stand-under and under-stand is all one.	LCENA lelW, ntgadisn-edrnu, nuder-tnaitsnsdig lal het esam.
SPEED But tell me true, will t be a match?	DSEPE But tlel me hensotyl, llwi ehty gte rmrdiea?
LANCE 20 Ask my dog. If he say ay, it will; if he say no, it will; if he shake his tail and say nothing, it will.	ALENC Aks my ogd. If he asys yes, hent yhte wlil. If he ssya no, hnte hyte lilw. If he sseahk hsi tila dan asys nithnog, tehn teyh llwi.
SPEED The conclusion is then that it will.	DPSEE So no retatm tahw nhet, teyh wlli get edrrmia.
LANCE Thou shalt never get such a secret from me but by a parable.	CNEAL uoYll rvnee get me to erelva teh creets pecetx in ieddrsl.
SPEED Tis well that I get it so. But, Lance, how sayest thou, that my master is become a notable lover?	EEPSD tsI esbt ttah I dfin tou htta way. tBu, Lncea, atwh can uyo tell me atobu het catf hatt my rtsmea ash ecemob a lwel-nwonk ervlo?
LANCE I never knew him otherwise.	LENCA I eervn newk imh rishoewet.
SPEED 25 Than how?	SEDPE Tnah wtha?
LANCE A notable lubber, as thou reportest him to be.	ECALN A llew-knwon ubbrle A gbi, uymcsl oaf. lubberand doiit, as eyuov lotd me he is.
SPEED Why, thou whoreson ass, thou mistakst me.	SDPEE hyW, uyo csjskaa sno of a ohrew hsiT rtem wsa tonfe dsue jokingly. son of a whore! oYu dnedatnirusms me.
LANCE Why, fool, I meant not thee. I meant thy master.	NLACE hyW, oofl, I tidnd aemn oyu. I ament yruo rmetsa.
SPEED I tell thee, my master is become a hot lover.	SEDPE I ltle uoy, my tamres ash meobec an neclltexe rlove.
LANCE 30 Why, I tell thee I care not, though he burn himself in love. If thou wilt, go with me to the alehouse; if not, thou art an Hebrew, a Jew, and not worth the name of a Christian.	LCANE ellW, I ellt uoy ttha I ndto raelyl acre, evne if he bunrs hfsilem mfro bnige so hot in velo. oemC ihwt me to teh bup if uoy lliw. If ton, enth eyoru a rebHew, a Jew, adn ton wyhtor to be dealcl a aCsiihtrn.
SPEED Why?	EDSEP Why?
LANCE Because thou hast not so much charity in thee as to go to the ale with a Christian. Wilt thou go?	ANLCE uesBace uyo tond neve ahve ghnuoe mocnpsoias in ouy to go to eht rhsuhcc lae efstalvi A rhatelacib eailsvtf in whhci lae swa sold dan eth resdpcoe elehdp teh uccrhh or wten to teh poor. the srhucch lae lifvtsae iwht a iaCitsnhr. So, ear you ncomgi?
SPEED At thy service.	PEESD Im at oyur ecvires.
Exeunt	eThy tixe.