You weren’t planning on doing your homework today anyway. Don’t lie to me, I know you. I’ve been you. Here are a bunch of things you could be doing instead, so at least you’re doing something:
2. Watch YouTube videos of guinea pigs running mazes even though you’ve already seen most of them.
3. Realize you’re just going to be watching the same YouTube videos over and over again for the rest of your life until you die.
4. Craft scenarios in your head that will never happen in real life.
5. Drink enough water.
6. Watch a TED talk.
7. Answer all those texts you’ve been more or less “forgetting” to answer. Immediately receive more texts as a result of this. Realize that this is the curse of modern technology: replying to texts always leads to more texts. Ignore them and go lie down.
8. Clean your room. Your whole room. Yes, even that spot under the bed you always miss.
9. Put away the mountain of clothes you have steadily allowed, over the course of many weeks, to accumulate on The Chair.
10. Google your homework, see that it’s not on Yahoo Answers, and give up entirely.
11. Take a nap even though you don’t really need one and it’s just going to ruin your sleep schedule.
12. Go on a personal journey.
13. Clear out your gmail inbox. Feel better about yourself for having accomplished this grueling but ultimately pointless task.
14. Play dead, just to see what your dog does.
15. Remember every terrible, awkward thing you have ever done in your life.
16. Consider exercising and then don’t.
17. Check your phone. Something’s bound to be happening on that thing.
18. Script conversations in your head so that you can be angry later when they don’t happen that way.
21. Read the Wikipedia entry on the Gävle goat, which is a giant goat made of straw. (The fun part is that it is constantly being set on fire.)
22. Basically descend into the rabbit hole of Wikipedia binge-reading. Emerge seven hours later, a husk of your former self.
23. Just kind of move your textbooks and study supplies from one location to another. See if this does anything.
24. Close all your tabs.
25. Catch up on your shows.
26. Make a mental note to catch up on your shows, then start five new shows and hate yourself for it.
27. Overanalyze all of it. Just all of it.
28. Go on WebMD and make the wholly misguided decision to search for anything and everything that could be wrong with you. Confront your own mortality. Contemplate the abyss. Realize we are all just whiling away our time before the grave.