You’re probably thinking, “If there’s one thing I know how to be, it’s single. Seriously, I don’t need help with this.” But trust me, there’s definitely a right way and a wrong way to do it. The right way involves learning to be your own person and living your best life; the wrong way involves constantly checking your crush’s social feeds and accidentally becoming Facebook friends with his mom.
16. Travel. Be a migrant farmer. Drift from town to town in the Depression-era Dust Bowl, looking for work and a purpose in life.
17. Learn to love being on your own. Pine for your long-lost girlfriend and never take another lover.
18. Make a pact with your friends not to date anybody for three years. There’s no way love will find you when you least expect it.
19. Self-care means having a baby out of wedlock with the town reverend and just hoping your husband stays lost at sea.
20. Embrace your freedom.While you have it, that is. Ultimately you will be imprisoned and condemned to death for crimes you didn’t commit, but you will meet the guillotine with your head held high.
21. Focus on your family and friends. Play matchmaker for them and ignore them when they beg you to stop. They will fall in love and they will like it.
22. Help others in need. Specifically, help one socially awkward individual seduce the girl he’s in love with. Neglect to mention that you are also in love with her. Be sad about this. Die alone, a tragic figure.
23. Don’t spend all your time looking for love. If it’s meant to be, love will find you. Seriously. Even if you live on an island in the middle of nowhere, just wait around and marry the first man that gets shipwrecked right in front of you. It’s bound to happen eventually.