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New Year’s Resolutions of Literary Characters

There’s just something about the dawning of a new age that makes people want to resolve to do better. It doesn’t matter that most of us will be eating half our weight in Cheetos before the day is done, our promise to go to the gym long forgotten. We like the idea of fresh starts and clean breaks. It’s human nature.

And here’s the thing: fictional characters are no exception. So what would their New Year’s resolutions be? We had a few thoughts.

“My New Year’s resolution is to travel more. Like for a year or two, I’m thinking. Definitely not more than ten.” —Odysseus

“I’d like to stop procrastinating.” —Hamlet

“I’ve decided this year is the year I’m finally going to build a family.” —Victor Frankenstein

“I’m going to start eating healthier. You know, throw in some fruits and vegetables occasionally. I hear pomegranates are good.” —Persephone

“This year, I’m going to get a promotion at work.” —Macbeth

“I’d like to learn something new, preferably about myself.” —Oedipus Rex

“I’m going to resolve to go outside more, even if it involves transgressing social norms and ruining perfectly good petticoats by walking through the mud.” —Elizabeth Bennet

“I’d like to spend more time with my friends. Brutus, Cassius, the whole lot of ’em. I feel like we just don’t hang out as much as we used to.” —Julius Caesar

“My resolution is to change everything about myself. Literally everything. It all has to go.” —Jay Gatsby