None of us will escape the education system without being forced to read a book that we really, truly do not care for. That’s just how it works. For every book you love, there will be one that makes you long for the sweet siren call of death every time you rifle through its loathsome pages.
But what you may not know is that your least favorite required reading says oodles about your personality. Just oodles. More than your horoscope ever could.
Your least favorite required reading:Lord of the Flies What is says about you: You are optimistic, a dreamer, someone who likes to see the best in people. You don’t appreciate reading books where the moral is “We are all basically Disney villains at heart. If given half the chance, every single one of us would set the world on fire just to watch it burn.”
Your least favorite required reading:The Old Man and the Sea What is says about you: You lead a busy life, a full and hectic one, and you simply don’t have time to be reading books about our salient elders and their fruitless fishing trips. This book took you about an hour and a half to read, which is an hour and a half you could have spent playing sports, learning French, or watching two episodes of Riverdalewithout the commercials. Life was just passing by, tiptoeing ever closer to death and eventual decay, and what were you doing? Reading a book about a man who tries to catch a fish but doesn’t. It takes him 3.5 days to not catch a fish.
Your least favorite required reading:As I Lay Dying What is says about you: You have a terrible memory. You hate this book for the same reason you never really got into Game of Thrones—too many characters and not enough real estate in your cerebral cortex to remember them all.
Your least favorite required reading:The Catcher in the Rye What is says about you: You have very little patience for pretentious elitists. You enjoy things like brunch and The Bachelor and you’re not sorry for either of those things, but you feel like Holden Caulfield would hate you for them. You don’t know this for sure, it’s just a feeling. We get it, Holden. You only read Dostoyevsky and the rest of us are pawns in the game of society. Just leave us and our unabashed love of frozen yogurt out of it.
Your least favorite required reading:Romeo and Juliet What is says about you: You make all your decisions based on logic and reason, not passion and midnight make-outs with strangers. You have a five-year plan, actually, and it doesn’t involve throwing everything all out the window for the first person who makes eyes at you during a masquerade ball.
Your least favorite required reading:Wuthering Heights What is says about you: You are a normal person, and you largely prefer your books to have a single likable character in them, particularly when the books in question are 400 pages long. Is that so much to ask?
Your least favorite required reading:Moby-Dick What is says about you: You are someone who is concise and to the point, whether you’re writing an essay for school or simply telling a story. This is why it drives you just nuts when authors ramble on and on with no end in sight like they think they’re too good to use periods. Moby-Dick in particular has a sentence consisting of 228 words. An actual sentence, consisting of 228 actual words. Why? There is no why. There is only the suffering.