Chapters 20 & 21

Summary: Chapter 20

The next day, Will’s mother argues with Dr. Hamid, angry that the trial medication is not working. Will interrupts them and reminds his mother that, because is now eighteen, he can make his own decisions and wants to stop going from hospital to hospital. Will’s mother argues that she is trying to fight for him, and Will retorts that his mother does not know him and sees only his disease. After his mother leaves, Will opens the present she has brought, a rare political cartoon strip from the 1940s. Will suddenly feels remorse for how he treated his mother, realizing he doesn’t know much about her life either and that she does not want to lose him. Later, Will FaceTimes Stella, but she tells him she doesn’t have time to talk. Will feels disappointed that Stella does not seem to care about his birthday and becomes more disheartened when Jason calls and says he and Hope won’t be visiting.

That evening, Will gets a text from Stella that begins a scavenger hunt around the hospital and leads him to the cafeteria, which is closed but they have broken into. There, Stella is waiting for him and surprises him with Hope, Jason, Mya, and Camila and a dinner made by Poe.

Summary: Chapter 21

While Stella helps Poe with the dessert, Poe reveals that he and Michael are back together and plan to visit Poe’s parents in a month, which thrills Stella. They bring dessert back into the cafeteria and sing “Happy Birthday” to Will until Barb storms into the room. She makes Stella, Will, and Poe go back to their rooms and says that she will have Will transferred the next morning. Poe apologizes to Barb but says they had fun.

That night, Stella and Will stay on FaceTime together as they fall asleep. Stella is woken up by an alarm and hears that there is a code blue in Poe’s room. Stella runs to Poe’s room and sees a team of nurses trying to resuscitate him until they give up. Stella stumbles back to her room, and Will follows her. Stella, stricken with disbelief and grief, sobs that she is losing everyone. Will goes to comfort her, nearly putting his arms around her, until Stella shoves him back and yells at him to get out. Alone and furious, Stella rips apart the decorations in her hospital room, throwing any object she can find against the wall until she runs out of energy and curls up on the bed.

Stella reflects on the fact that she has been prepared for her own death for years, but not for the death of the people she loves, such as Abby and Poe. Stella goes to look in Poe’s room and sees Michael sobbing while collecting Poe’s things. She heads up to the roof, thinking that no matter what she does, her fate will eventually be the same as Poe’s. She looks down and sees Will leaving his room with a packed duffel bag. Stella then looks out to the holiday lights in the park. She feels that the lights are “calling to” her, a call she admits she wants to respond to.

Analysis: Chapters 20 & 21

Only when Will turns eighteen and is in control of his own life does he finally begin to understand things from his mother’s point of view. Up until these chapters, Will believed that his mother saw him and his illness as a problem to be solved. However, upon opening her gift, Will realizes that his mother does actually know him better than he thought. He begins to understand that his mother is a person in her own right and not just an obstacle between him and the outside world. This realization shows the importance of both parents and children looking at each other as individuals instead of simply filling an abstract role in one’s life.

During Will’s surprise birthday party, he, Stella, and Poe engage in typical teenage behavior by having fun with their friends. While they remain a safe distance from each other, breaking into the cafeteria is a clear violation of hospital policy, and the three of them being in the same room poses obvious risks. When Barb finds them and berates them for being irresponsible, Poe’s retort that they had fun shows that, especially for people who live with chronic illnesses, sometimes having fun and being a little reckless is worth the risk in order to fully enjoy life. However, Poe’s response to Barb is his last line in the novel. As was foreshadowed earlier, when Poe’s sensor became unplugged, Poe’s monitors begin beeping because his heart has stopped. Poe, having just reunited with Michael and having finally made plans to visit his family in Colombia, dies before he can be in a relationship or see his parents one last time. Here, Poe’s death symbolizes the struggle that people with chronic illnesses face, as Poe had put off so many relationships and experiences due to his illness, only to die before he could fulfill his dreams.

Stella’s horror at Will’s attempt to hold her after Poe’s death shows how physical distance highlights the emotions of the characters. While Will’s instinct is to get close to Stella to comfort her, Stella’s instinct is to keep as much distance between her and Will as possible. Immediately after Poe’s death, Stella wants to isolate herself much in the same way Poe did to avoid getting hurt or hurting others.

Stella once again reflects on how she cannot handle the death of the people she loves. This understanding shows the inherent guilt Stella feels at surviving when her sister and best friend do not. In a continuation of the rebellious streak Stella found after her surgery, Stella feels that she should live her life in the way she wants and not out of fear of dying. Seeing the holiday lights in the distance, Stella decides to finally go after what she wants.