No Fear Shakespeare: Twelfth Night: Act 1 Scene 3

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Original Text	Modern Text
Enter SIR TOBY BELCH and MARIA	RIS OYBT HLBEC dna IARAM treen.
SIR TOBY BELCH What a plague means my niece, to take the death of her brother thus? I am sure cares an enemy to life.	ISR YTBO BLCEH atWhs gworn ithw my niece? hyW is ehs nrigteac so tgrlesnay to hre shrbreot aethd? iferG is adb rfo loeespp lathhe.
MARIA By my troth, Sir Toby, you must come in earlier o nights. Your cousin, my lady, takes great exceptions to your ill hours.	RAMAI roF osdG kaes, riS oybT, vuyeo got to ocme eomh eerlrai at hintg. My adyl aliOiv, oyru ecnei, viaoepdpsrs of oyru laet-thgni irptnyag.
SIR TOBY BELCH Why, let her except, before excepted.	ISR YTBO HLECB ellW, esh nac etg edus to it.
MARIA Ay, but you must confine yourself within the modest limits of order.	IRAMA esY, ubt oyu eden to peke urfoesly itwihn eth mliist of drero adn eycnedc.
SIR TOBY BELCH Confine? Ill confine myself no finer than I am. These clothes are good enough to drink in, and so be these boots too. An they be not, let them hang themselves in their own straps.	RSI YBOT BCEHL peKe symfel? Teh nlyo itngh Im giekpne fmysel in is eht eohtlsc Im igarnwe. yeherT odog hnoegu to rkdin in, adn so ear hsete sbtoo. If htye etrna, htey can go nagh setmevhels by irteh won lecas!
MARIA That quaffing and drinking will undo you: I heard my lady talk of it yesterday, and of a foolish knight that you brought in one night here to be her wooer.	AIMRA eurYo gogin to tyosdre rluoyfes ihtw lal tsih rnndigik. dLay lvOaii adis so ryateyeds. ehS also endtineom eoms sdpuit gtnhik yuo ubgroth in eon igtnh as a bslsipeo hdsbnau fro ehr.
SIR TOBY BELCH Who, Sir Andrew Aguecheek?	RSI TYOB EHCLB ohW, iSr eAndrw euhgAkece?
MARIA Ay, he.	ARMAI seY, tsath het one.
SIR TOBY BELCH Hes as tall a man as any s in Illyria.	RIS YTBO CEHBL seH as allt alTl ocudl be ueds as naslg rof brave. tall as a nam in ayrillI.
MARIA Whats that to the purpose?	RMIAA Wath soed his ithgeh ehav to do with yitanghn?
SIR TOBY BELCH 20 Why, he has three thousand ducats a year.	RIS TBOY LCHBE hyW, he ash an nomeic of eehrt nsadothu dstcua a ayre.
MARIA Ay, but hell have but a year in all these ducats. Hes a very fool and a prodigal.	AMARI I bet lhle psdne ish wohle rienaiethcn in a yrea. seH a loof dna a deihstfptrn.
SIR TOBY BELCH Fie, that youll say so! He plays o the viol-de-gamboys, and speaks three or four languages word for word without book, and hath all the good gifts of nature.	RSI TYBO HBLEC uYo snutldho altk tabuo him leik htta! He ypsal het ivolni nda pseska ethre or furo lueagnsga dorw fro ordw iwtohut a ctirodayin. He sah lal of sartenu bset fsgti.
MARIA He hath indeed, almost natural, for besides that hes a fool, hes a great quarreler, and but that he hath the gift of a coward to allay the gust he hath in quarreling, tis thought among the prudent he would quickly have the gift of a grave.	IARMA ghshtRei a atnurla-onrb oditi. edissBe being a fool, esh unetvegitaram. If he dindt heav the srwodac gitf ofr cbnikag wdon mfor a htgfi, tehy asy dhe be edda by wno.
SIR TOBY BELCH By this hand, they are scoundrels and substractors that say so of him. Who are they?	IRS OYTB LEBHC enyonA ohw yssa thta is a yling epeci of grebaga. hoW sdai htat?
MARIA They that add, moreover, hes drunk nightly in your company.	RMIAA hTe maes eopple how yas he steg rndku hwti uyo evrey ghtni.
SIR TOBY BELCH With drinking healths to my niece. Ill drink to her as long as there is a passage in my throat and drink in Illyria. Hes a coward and a coistrel that will not drink to my niece till his brains turn o th toe like a parish top. What, wench! Castiliano vulgo, for here comes Sir Andrew Agueface.	ISR TBYO EBHCL We nlyo nrdik asotst to my neice. Ill rinkd to reh as onlg as rtehes a loeh in my ahrott adn bzeoo in yIllair. nnoAey owh uesrsfe to ikndr to my ecnei lnitu his bianr inssp dnaour leki a emrry-go-ndoru is cums. tBu speak of eth ldeiv, eerh cosme Sri nAwder Agefuaec.
Enter SIR ANDREW	RSI WENRAD rtnees.
SIR ANDREW Sir Toby Belch! How now, Sir Toby Belch!	SIR AENWRD iSr Tbyo eBhcl! woH are you, rSi bToy lBche?
SIR TOBY BELCH 40 Sweet Sir Andrew!	SIR OTBY HECLB tSeew Sri Adwenr!
SIR ANDREW (to MARIA) Bless you, fair shrew.	SIR EWANRD (to MARIA) dnA heoll to ouy, my tellit nwhec.
MARIA And you too, sir.	MRAAI loelH, irs.
SIR TOBY BELCH Accost, Sir Andrew, accost.	RSI YTOB CHLEB aCht reh up, iSr dnAewr. Ctah hre up.
SIR ANDREW Whats that?	RSI WDENRA haWt?
SIR TOBY BELCH 45 My nieces chambermaid.	RIS TOBY LCBEH Tshi is my ensiec imad.
SIR ANDREW Good Mistress Accost, I desire better acquaintance.	IRS WRNDAE My edra isMs aCht-hre-up, I ookl afrowdr to nittgeg to knwo uyo ttbree.
MARIA My name is Mary, sir.	ARAIM My eanm is ayMr, sri.
SIR ANDREW Good Mistress Mary Accost	ISR DRENAW Miss rayM htaC-ehr-up
SIR TOBY BELCH You mistake, knight. Accost is front her, board her, woo her, assail her.	IRS TYBO HBLCE No, yevuo tgo it gwonr. nWeh I disa tach hre up, I ntwsa yanigs reh enam. I wsa ltgnile yuo to go efrat erh, woo erh, otcrnnof hre.
SIR ANDREW By my troth, I would not undertake her in this company. Is that the meaning of accost?	ISR RWNEDA doGo evsanhe, Id renev do ttha itwh poepel thacigwn. Is thta lreayl what yuo ntaem?
MARIA Fare you well, gentlemen. (she starts to exit)	AIRMA boGyeod, tenenlmeg. (seh asrstt to xeit)
SIR TOBY BELCH An thou let part so, Sir Andrew, would thou mightst never draw sword again.	SRI OTBY CLBEH sShe eiglvna. If uoy let her go sthi iyesal, riS Aenrdw, you dont seevedr to evre ues oury sowrd nagai.
SIR ANDREW An you part so, mistress, I would I might never draw sword again. Fair lady, do you think you have fools in hand?	SRI RAEDWN If uyo aeevl iekl tshi, my edar, I wont evre ues my ordws ainag. Im not stju likgatn nneoenss to yuo, I anme yihrtvgeen I yas. Do you hnkti yuove tgo a oulepc of oolsf on oryu ndash eehr?
MARIA Sir, I have not you by the hand.	AIAMR Im ton gidohnl oury andh, irs.
SIR ANDREW Marry, but you shall have, and heres my hand. (he offers her his hand)	ISR ERWNDA tuB oyu lilw. seHer my hdna. (he efrsfo ehr ish dhna)
MARIA (taking his hand) Now, sir, thought is free. I pray you, bring your hand to the buttery-bar and let it drink.	AIRMA (tagikn hsi ndha) A lirgs ogt a hgitr to her insionop. akeT yrou adhn to a bar nda utp a ndrik in it.
SIR ANDREW Wherefore, sweetheart? Whats your metaphor?	ISR ADNRWE Wyh, tehswereat? Is rthee a dinhed manieng in hsti?
MARIA Its dry, sir.	AIMAR oeurY ont hgloidn a lagss. ourY hnda is yrd aaMir ielmspi ttha ehs ldo nda dried-up. dry, isr.
SIR ANDREW Why, I think so. I am not such an ass, but I can keep my hand dry. But whats your jest?	RSI DREWAN eWll, I eohp so. Im nto husc an oidit taht I tcan keep my hdsna ydr. uBt I tndo get istwhat het eojk?
MARIA A dry jest, sir.	AIAMR tuJs a tbi of my ydr rmhou, irs.
SIR ANDREW Are you full of them?	RSI AWENDR Aer yuo swaayl so fyunn?
MARIA Ay, sir, I have them at my fingers ends. Marry, now I let go your hand, I am barren.	MIARA eYs, Iev tgo a duanflh of kosej. But sopo, wehn I lte go of ryuo andh, I lte go of teh bseggit jkoe of lla.
Exit	MIAAR sxtie.
SIR TOBY BELCH O knight, thou lackest a cup of canary. When did I see thee so put down?	RIS OBYT BLEHC rSi, uyo ndee a rnidk. hnWe ash yonane erev tup oyu wdon ielk taht.
SIR ANDREW Never in your life, I think, unless you see canary put me down. Methinks sometimes I have no more wit than a Christian or an ordinary man has. But I am a great eater of beef, and I believe that does harm to my wit.	SIR NWEDRA evNre. eIv nyol enbe thta fra ndwo ewnh Ive urkdn mfsyle udenr the telba. mSsiemteo I htkni Im no rstamre ntha veegraa. I eat a olt of red tame, and byeam hatt emkas me itupds.
SIR TOBY BELCH No question.	RIS YOBT LBEHC lbyleAsuto.
SIR ANDREW An I thought that, Id forswear it. Ill ride home tomorrow, Sir Toby.	IRS RWDENA If I ralley veielebd thta, Id iegv up edr etam lttoyal. By hte way, Im ognig ohem orwomort, riS yboT.
SIR TOBY BELCH Pourquoi, my dear knight?	ISR BYOT LBECH ouruPoiq oiqPouur ensma ywh in French. Pourquoi, my fernid?
SIR ANDREW What is pourquoi? Do, or not do? I would I had bestowed that time in the tongues that I have in fencing, dancing, and bear-baiting. O, had I but followed the arts!	RSI AENWDR Waht esdo qiupouro amen? Dsoe it neam I will or I wotn? Oh, I wihs Id esntp as hcmu ietm enlarngi saeluagng as I ntspe on cnnegif, adncnig, nda earb-gtiniba erBa-btigani, in hwchi a aebr aws teid to a ktase and kcedttaa by sgdo, saw a ulrppao tettmairnnene in eSheaekrsasp time. bear-baiting! If lnyo Id naetk oslhoc eomr rlioysesu!
SIR TOBY BELCH Then hadst thou had an excellent head of hair.	RIS TBYO LBHEC dYou aehv a agret lytairhes if uoy ahd.
SIR ANDREW 85 Why, would that have mended my hair?	SRI ADRNWE yhW, ouwld ttha vahe xdeif my hria?
SIR TOBY BELCH Past question, for thou seest it will not curl by nature.	ISR BTYO CLHEB Oh, no eotuisintq otnw ystle stelfi.
SIR ANDREW But it becomes me well enough, does t not?	SRI DWNAER tBu my riah oslok gdoo aaynwy, tnedso it?
SIR TOBY BELCH Excellent. It hangs like flax on a distaff. And I hope to see a housewife take thee between her legs and spin it off.	RSI TBOY CLBHE It lkoos gtear. It hsgna klei an lod nwor-uot opm. moeS nmoaw dsluho ivge ouy lhiyissp so uoy go albd.
SIR ANDREW Faith, Ill home tomorrow, Sir Toby. Your niece will not be seen. Or if she be, its four to one shell none of me. The count himself here hard by woos her.	RSI AWRDEN seiLtn, Im going ohme omrorowt, iSr Tboy. rYou neeci is riefgsnu to ese oeynan, and enve if ehs saw me, net to neo esdh watn hgtoinn to do hwit me. ahTt kdue woh visel nyaber is inocrugt erh.
SIR TOBY BELCH Shell none o the count. Shell not match above her degree, neither in estate, years, nor wit. I have heard her swear t. Tut, theres life in t, man.	SIR OBTY BEHLC Sesh not tdenretesi in hte eudk. Seh enodts nawt to aryrm enayon of erghhi lcosia anrk tnah ehr, or yonaen ircerh, lerdo, or errsmat. vIe aredh ehr sya thta. So echer up, eehstr lslti poeh rfo oyu, anm.
SIR ANDREW Ill stay a month longer. I am a fellow o th strangest mind i th world. I delight in masques and revels sometimes altogether.	IRS DRWANE lAl igthr, Ill atys hotaner ntomh. Ah, Im an ddo kind of ygu. mSeiemtos all I wtna to do is ese alyps nad go out gcadnin.
SIR TOBY BELCH Art thou good at these kickshawses, knight?	SIR YTBO LHCBE eAr uyo ogod at estho skdin of htgnis?
SIR ANDREW As any man in Illyria, whatsoever he be, under the degree of my betters. And yet I will not compare with an old man.	ISR DEAWNR sYe, as odog as yna anm in iallrIy, xteepc fro teh neos who are bretet at it tnha I am. Im not as ogdo as eeomsno hosw eenb canidng orf ayesr.
SIR TOBY BELCH What is thy excellence in a galliard, knight?	SRI TYBO CBEHL owH ogdo era uoy at eotsh sfat anceds?
SIR ANDREW Faith, I can cut a caper.	SIR EDRWAN elveieB me, I cna utc a racep cut a pecar = dance cut a caper.
SIR TOBY BELCH And I can cut the mutton to t.	ISR TBOY BHCLE nAd I cna tcu meso team to go whit yuor earcsp capre = a condiment capers.
SIR ANDREW And I think I have the back-trick simply as strong as any man in Illyria.	RIS WRENDA dAn I anc do atth ynfca rcbakadw pest as lwel as yna mna in alrilIy.
SIR TOBY BELCH Wherefore are these things hid? Wherefore have these gifts a curtain before em? Are they like to take dust, like Mistress Malls picture? Why dost thou not go to church in a galliard and come home in a coranto? My very walk should be a jig. I would not so much as make water but in a sink-a-pace. What dost thou mean? Is it a world to hide virtues in? I did think, by the excellent constitution of thy leg, it was formed under the star of a galliard.	ISR YOTB CLEHB Wyh do ouy iedh hstee snhtgi? hWy do yuo kepe eseth attnesl dinheb a ianurtc? eAr heyt kelily to egt stdyu? hWy otdn yuo go ffo to cuhchr digncna eon way, adn ocem ohme ncgidan trneaho ywa? If I ahd ruoy eantstl, Id be ncanidg a jig eervy emti I ekaldw nowd eth tesrte. I uotwldn veen pee uthitwo nagncdi a wzlat. Wtah rea you tnhkiign? Is sith the kdin of lrodw ewerh we hied our lpnatsicochsmem? ueoYr a rnob cnedar. ookL how yaspelh ruoy sgle era.
SIR ANDREW Ay, tis strong, and it does indifferent well in a dun-colored stock. Shall we set about some revels?	SRI NADEWR Tsath reut. ryehTe tgnsro, and hyet olko etytpr gdoo in bwrno thgits. hSuldo we otrwh a ietltl anedc ptyar?
SIR TOBY BELCH What shall we do else? Were we not born under Taurus?	SRI YTBO LBHEC yWh otn? teWnre we otbh ornb urned uuraTs?
SIR ANDREW Taurus! Thats sides and heart.	IRS WDANRE uusrTa! hTat nrvsego eth stroo adn ertha, ednots it?
SIR TOBY BELCH No, sir, it is legs and thighs. Let me see the caper. (SIR 120 ANDREW dances) Ha, higher! Ha, ha, excellent!	IRS BYTO CBEHL No, eht eslg dna hghtsi. etL me ese you dcean. (SIR AWREND andecs) Ha, rghihe! Ha, ha, lxeteelnc!
Exeunt	yeTh tixe.

Original Text	Modern Text
Enter SIR TOBY BELCH and MARIA	RIS OYBT HLBEC dna IARAM treen.
SIR TOBY BELCH What a plague means my niece, to take the death of her brother thus? I am sure cares an enemy to life.	ISR YTBO BLCEH atWhs gworn ithw my niece? hyW is ehs nrigteac so tgrlesnay to hre shrbreot aethd? iferG is adb rfo loeespp lathhe.
MARIA By my troth, Sir Toby, you must come in earlier o nights. Your cousin, my lady, takes great exceptions to your ill hours.	RAMAI roF osdG kaes, riS oybT, vuyeo got to ocme eomh eerlrai at hintg. My adyl aliOiv, oyru ecnei, viaoepdpsrs of oyru laet-thgni irptnyag.
SIR TOBY BELCH Why, let her except, before excepted.	ISR YTBO HLECB ellW, esh nac etg edus to it.
MARIA Ay, but you must confine yourself within the modest limits of order.	IRAMA esY, ubt oyu eden to peke urfoesly itwihn eth mliist of drero adn eycnedc.
SIR TOBY BELCH Confine? Ill confine myself no finer than I am. These clothes are good enough to drink in, and so be these boots too. An they be not, let them hang themselves in their own straps.	RSI YBOT BCEHL peKe symfel? Teh nlyo itngh Im giekpne fmysel in is eht eohtlsc Im igarnwe. yeherT odog hnoegu to rkdin in, adn so ear hsete sbtoo. If htye etrna, htey can go nagh setmevhels by irteh won lecas!
MARIA That quaffing and drinking will undo you: I heard my lady talk of it yesterday, and of a foolish knight that you brought in one night here to be her wooer.	AIMRA eurYo gogin to tyosdre rluoyfes ihtw lal tsih rnndigik. dLay lvOaii adis so ryateyeds. ehS also endtineom eoms sdpuit gtnhik yuo ubgroth in eon igtnh as a bslsipeo hdsbnau fro ehr.
SIR TOBY BELCH Who, Sir Andrew Aguecheek?	RSI TYOB EHCLB ohW, iSr eAndrw euhgAkece?
MARIA Ay, he.	ARMAI seY, tsath het one.
SIR TOBY BELCH Hes as tall a man as any s in Illyria.	RIS YTBO CEHBL seH as allt alTl ocudl be ueds as naslg rof brave. tall as a nam in ayrillI.
MARIA Whats that to the purpose?	RMIAA Wath soed his ithgeh ehav to do with yitanghn?
SIR TOBY BELCH 20 Why, he has three thousand ducats a year.	RIS TBOY LCHBE hyW, he ash an nomeic of eehrt nsadothu dstcua a ayre.
MARIA Ay, but hell have but a year in all these ducats. Hes a very fool and a prodigal.	AMARI I bet lhle psdne ish wohle rienaiethcn in a yrea. seH a loof dna a deihstfptrn.
SIR TOBY BELCH Fie, that youll say so! He plays o the viol-de-gamboys, and speaks three or four languages word for word without book, and hath all the good gifts of nature.	RSI TYBO HBLEC uYo snutldho altk tabuo him leik htta! He ypsal het ivolni nda pseska ethre or furo lueagnsga dorw fro ordw iwtohut a ctirodayin. He sah lal of sartenu bset fsgti.
MARIA He hath indeed, almost natural, for besides that hes a fool, hes a great quarreler, and but that he hath the gift of a coward to allay the gust he hath in quarreling, tis thought among the prudent he would quickly have the gift of a grave.	IARMA ghshtRei a atnurla-onrb oditi. edissBe being a fool, esh unetvegitaram. If he dindt heav the srwodac gitf ofr cbnikag wdon mfor a htgfi, tehy asy dhe be edda by wno.
SIR TOBY BELCH By this hand, they are scoundrels and substractors that say so of him. Who are they?	IRS OYTB LEBHC enyonA ohw yssa thta is a yling epeci of grebaga. hoW sdai htat?
MARIA They that add, moreover, hes drunk nightly in your company.	RMIAA hTe maes eopple how yas he steg rndku hwti uyo evrey ghtni.
SIR TOBY BELCH With drinking healths to my niece. Ill drink to her as long as there is a passage in my throat and drink in Illyria. Hes a coward and a coistrel that will not drink to my niece till his brains turn o th toe like a parish top. What, wench! Castiliano vulgo, for here comes Sir Andrew Agueface.	ISR TBYO EBHCL We nlyo nrdik asotst to my neice. Ill rinkd to reh as onlg as rtehes a loeh in my ahrott adn bzeoo in yIllair. nnoAey owh uesrsfe to ikndr to my ecnei lnitu his bianr inssp dnaour leki a emrry-go-ndoru is cums. tBu speak of eth ldeiv, eerh cosme Sri nAwder Agefuaec.
Enter SIR ANDREW	RSI WENRAD rtnees.
SIR ANDREW Sir Toby Belch! How now, Sir Toby Belch!	SIR AENWRD iSr Tbyo eBhcl! woH are you, rSi bToy lBche?
SIR TOBY BELCH 40 Sweet Sir Andrew!	SIR OTBY HECLB tSeew Sri Adwenr!
SIR ANDREW (to MARIA) Bless you, fair shrew.	SIR EWANRD (to MARIA) dnA heoll to ouy, my tellit nwhec.
MARIA And you too, sir.	MRAAI loelH, irs.
SIR TOBY BELCH Accost, Sir Andrew, accost.	RSI YTOB CHLEB aCht reh up, iSr dnAewr. Ctah hre up.
SIR ANDREW Whats that?	RSI WDENRA haWt?
SIR TOBY BELCH 45 My nieces chambermaid.	RIS TOBY LCBEH Tshi is my ensiec imad.
SIR ANDREW Good Mistress Accost, I desire better acquaintance.	IRS WRNDAE My edra isMs aCht-hre-up, I ookl afrowdr to nittgeg to knwo uyo ttbree.
MARIA My name is Mary, sir.	ARAIM My eanm is ayMr, sri.
SIR ANDREW Good Mistress Mary Accost	ISR DRENAW Miss rayM htaC-ehr-up
SIR TOBY BELCH You mistake, knight. Accost is front her, board her, woo her, assail her.	IRS TYBO HBLCE No, yevuo tgo it gwonr. nWeh I disa tach hre up, I ntwsa yanigs reh enam. I wsa ltgnile yuo to go efrat erh, woo erh, otcrnnof hre.
SIR ANDREW By my troth, I would not undertake her in this company. Is that the meaning of accost?	ISR RWNEDA doGo evsanhe, Id renev do ttha itwh poepel thacigwn. Is thta lreayl what yuo ntaem?
MARIA Fare you well, gentlemen. (she starts to exit)	AIRMA boGyeod, tenenlmeg. (seh asrstt to xeit)
SIR TOBY BELCH An thou let part so, Sir Andrew, would thou mightst never draw sword again.	SRI OTBY CLBEH sShe eiglvna. If uoy let her go sthi iyesal, riS Aenrdw, you dont seevedr to evre ues oury sowrd nagai.
SIR ANDREW An you part so, mistress, I would I might never draw sword again. Fair lady, do you think you have fools in hand?	SRI RAEDWN If uyo aeevl iekl tshi, my edar, I wont evre ues my ordws ainag. Im not stju likgatn nneoenss to yuo, I anme yihrtvgeen I yas. Do you hnkti yuove tgo a oulepc of oolsf on oryu ndash eehr?
MARIA Sir, I have not you by the hand.	AIAMR Im ton gidohnl oury andh, irs.
SIR ANDREW Marry, but you shall have, and heres my hand. (he offers her his hand)	ISR ERWNDA tuB oyu lilw. seHer my hdna. (he efrsfo ehr ish dhna)
MARIA (taking his hand) Now, sir, thought is free. I pray you, bring your hand to the buttery-bar and let it drink.	AIRMA (tagikn hsi ndha) A lirgs ogt a hgitr to her insionop. akeT yrou adhn to a bar nda utp a ndrik in it.
SIR ANDREW Wherefore, sweetheart? Whats your metaphor?	ISR ADNRWE Wyh, tehswereat? Is rthee a dinhed manieng in hsti?
MARIA Its dry, sir.	AIMAR oeurY ont hgloidn a lagss. ourY hnda is yrd aaMir ielmspi ttha ehs ldo nda dried-up. dry, isr.
SIR ANDREW Why, I think so. I am not such an ass, but I can keep my hand dry. But whats your jest?	RSI DREWAN eWll, I eohp so. Im nto husc an oidit taht I tcan keep my hdsna ydr. uBt I tndo get istwhat het eojk?
MARIA A dry jest, sir.	AIAMR tuJs a tbi of my ydr rmhou, irs.
SIR ANDREW Are you full of them?	RSI AWENDR Aer yuo swaayl so fyunn?
MARIA Ay, sir, I have them at my fingers ends. Marry, now I let go your hand, I am barren.	MIARA eYs, Iev tgo a duanflh of kosej. But sopo, wehn I lte go of ryuo andh, I lte go of teh bseggit jkoe of lla.
Exit	MIAAR sxtie.
SIR TOBY BELCH O knight, thou lackest a cup of canary. When did I see thee so put down?	RIS OBYT BLEHC rSi, uyo ndee a rnidk. hnWe ash yonane erev tup oyu wdon ielk taht.
SIR ANDREW Never in your life, I think, unless you see canary put me down. Methinks sometimes I have no more wit than a Christian or an ordinary man has. But I am a great eater of beef, and I believe that does harm to my wit.	SIR NWEDRA evNre. eIv nyol enbe thta fra ndwo ewnh Ive urkdn mfsyle udenr the telba. mSsiemteo I htkni Im no rstamre ntha veegraa. I eat a olt of red tame, and byeam hatt emkas me itupds.
SIR TOBY BELCH No question.	RIS YOBT LBEHC lbyleAsuto.
SIR ANDREW An I thought that, Id forswear it. Ill ride home tomorrow, Sir Toby.	IRS RWDENA If I ralley veielebd thta, Id iegv up edr etam lttoyal. By hte way, Im ognig ohem orwomort, riS yboT.
SIR TOBY BELCH Pourquoi, my dear knight?	ISR BYOT LBECH ouruPoiq oiqPouur ensma ywh in French. Pourquoi, my fernid?
SIR ANDREW What is pourquoi? Do, or not do? I would I had bestowed that time in the tongues that I have in fencing, dancing, and bear-baiting. O, had I but followed the arts!	RSI AENWDR Waht esdo qiupouro amen? Dsoe it neam I will or I wotn? Oh, I wihs Id esntp as hcmu ietm enlarngi saeluagng as I ntspe on cnnegif, adncnig, nda earb-gtiniba erBa-btigani, in hwchi a aebr aws teid to a ktase and kcedttaa by sgdo, saw a ulrppao tettmairnnene in eSheaekrsasp time. bear-baiting! If lnyo Id naetk oslhoc eomr rlioysesu!
SIR TOBY BELCH Then hadst thou had an excellent head of hair.	RIS TBYO LBHEC dYou aehv a agret lytairhes if uoy ahd.
SIR ANDREW 85 Why, would that have mended my hair?	SRI ADRNWE yhW, ouwld ttha vahe xdeif my hria?
SIR TOBY BELCH Past question, for thou seest it will not curl by nature.	ISR BTYO CLHEB Oh, no eotuisintq otnw ystle stelfi.
SIR ANDREW But it becomes me well enough, does t not?	SRI DWNAER tBu my riah oslok gdoo aaynwy, tnedso it?
SIR TOBY BELCH Excellent. It hangs like flax on a distaff. And I hope to see a housewife take thee between her legs and spin it off.	RSI TBOY CLBHE It lkoos gtear. It hsgna klei an lod nwor-uot opm. moeS nmoaw dsluho ivge ouy lhiyissp so uoy go albd.
SIR ANDREW Faith, Ill home tomorrow, Sir Toby. Your niece will not be seen. Or if she be, its four to one shell none of me. The count himself here hard by woos her.	RSI AWRDEN seiLtn, Im going ohme omrorowt, iSr Tboy. rYou neeci is riefgsnu to ese oeynan, and enve if ehs saw me, net to neo esdh watn hgtoinn to do hwit me. ahTt kdue woh visel nyaber is inocrugt erh.
SIR TOBY BELCH Shell none o the count. Shell not match above her degree, neither in estate, years, nor wit. I have heard her swear t. Tut, theres life in t, man.	SIR OBTY BEHLC Sesh not tdenretesi in hte eudk. Seh enodts nawt to aryrm enayon of erghhi lcosia anrk tnah ehr, or yonaen ircerh, lerdo, or errsmat. vIe aredh ehr sya thta. So echer up, eehstr lslti poeh rfo oyu, anm.
SIR ANDREW Ill stay a month longer. I am a fellow o th strangest mind i th world. I delight in masques and revels sometimes altogether.	IRS DRWANE lAl igthr, Ill atys hotaner ntomh. Ah, Im an ddo kind of ygu. mSeiemtos all I wtna to do is ese alyps nad go out gcadnin.
SIR TOBY BELCH Art thou good at these kickshawses, knight?	SIR YTBO LHCBE eAr uyo ogod at estho skdin of htgnis?
SIR ANDREW As any man in Illyria, whatsoever he be, under the degree of my betters. And yet I will not compare with an old man.	ISR DEAWNR sYe, as odog as yna anm in iallrIy, xteepc fro teh neos who are bretet at it tnha I am. Im not as ogdo as eeomsno hosw eenb canidng orf ayesr.
SIR TOBY BELCH What is thy excellence in a galliard, knight?	SRI TYBO CBEHL owH ogdo era uoy at eotsh sfat anceds?
SIR ANDREW Faith, I can cut a caper.	SIR EDRWAN elveieB me, I cna utc a racep cut a pecar = dance cut a caper.
SIR TOBY BELCH And I can cut the mutton to t.	ISR TBOY BHCLE nAd I cna tcu meso team to go whit yuor earcsp capre = a condiment capers.
SIR ANDREW And I think I have the back-trick simply as strong as any man in Illyria.	RIS WRENDA dAn I anc do atth ynfca rcbakadw pest as lwel as yna mna in alrilIy.
SIR TOBY BELCH Wherefore are these things hid? Wherefore have these gifts a curtain before em? Are they like to take dust, like Mistress Malls picture? Why dost thou not go to church in a galliard and come home in a coranto? My very walk should be a jig. I would not so much as make water but in a sink-a-pace. What dost thou mean? Is it a world to hide virtues in? I did think, by the excellent constitution of thy leg, it was formed under the star of a galliard.	ISR YOTB CLEHB Wyh do ouy iedh hstee snhtgi? hWy do yuo kepe eseth attnesl dinheb a ianurtc? eAr heyt kelily to egt stdyu? hWy otdn yuo go ffo to cuhchr digncna eon way, adn ocem ohme ncgidan trneaho ywa? If I ahd ruoy eantstl, Id be ncanidg a jig eervy emti I ekaldw nowd eth tesrte. I uotwldn veen pee uthitwo nagncdi a wzlat. Wtah rea you tnhkiign? Is sith the kdin of lrodw ewerh we hied our lpnatsicochsmem? ueoYr a rnob cnedar. ookL how yaspelh ruoy sgle era.
SIR ANDREW Ay, tis strong, and it does indifferent well in a dun-colored stock. Shall we set about some revels?	SRI NADEWR Tsath reut. ryehTe tgnsro, and hyet olko etytpr gdoo in bwrno thgits. hSuldo we otrwh a ietltl anedc ptyar?
SIR TOBY BELCH What shall we do else? Were we not born under Taurus?	SRI YTBO LBHEC yWh otn? teWnre we otbh ornb urned uuraTs?
SIR ANDREW Taurus! Thats sides and heart.	IRS WDANRE uusrTa! hTat nrvsego eth stroo adn ertha, ednots it?
SIR TOBY BELCH No, sir, it is legs and thighs. Let me see the caper. (SIR 120 ANDREW dances) Ha, higher! Ha, ha, excellent!	IRS BYTO CBEHL No, eht eslg dna hghtsi. etL me ese you dcean. (SIR AWREND andecs) Ha, rghihe! Ha, ha, lxeteelnc!
Exeunt	yeTh tixe.