No Fear Shakespeare: Twelfth Night: Act 4 Scene 2

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Enter MARIA and FOOL	MAIAR dna eth LOOF rntee.
MARIA Nay, I prithee, put on this gown and this beard. Make him believe thou art Sir Topas the curate. Do it quickly. Ill call Sir Toby the whilst.	AARIM No, Im ietlgln uoy, upt on hsti ebro dan dreba. kaeM ihm ihknt ruyeo riS paosT eth eisrpt. Be kuicq. aMewihenl, llI get Sir oybT.
Exit	RIMAA txies.
FOOL Well, Ill put it on, and I will dissemble myself in t, and I would I were the first that ever dissembled in such a gown.	OOLF ellW, lIl ptu it on adn iiessudg lfymse. I wsih I rwee eth sirtf espron woh reve dlto lise in a riptsse erbo.
FOOL puts on gown and beard	eTh OLFO tpsu on eth oerb adn dbare.
I am not tall enough to become the function well, nor lean enough to be thought a good student, but to be said an honest man and a good housekeeper goes as fairly as to say a careful man and a great scholar. The competitors enter.	Im not lalt houegn to akem a ivlbebelea tsreip, or knsiyn nuhoge to oolk ikel a oodg etutsdn. utB if ryoue an hnotes amn nda a dogo tsho, sthat tlasmo as oodg as iebng lroma adn uduistos. rHee oecm hte ssaorptironc.
Enter SIR TOBY BELCH and MARIA	SRI YBOT HECLB adn IAAMR terne.
SIR TOBY BELCH 10 Jove bless thee, master Parson.	SRI YTBO EBHLC odG esslb oyu, Mr. itrPse.
FOOL Bonos dies, Sir Toby. For, as the old hermit of Prague, that never saw pen and ink, very wittily said to a niece of King Gorboduc, That that is is. So I, being Master Parson, am Master Parson. For, what is that but that, and is but is?	LOOF ooBns eisd ehT olof is iagsyn loehl in an iaimitont of tianL. nBoos dies, irS boyT. As hte lod tehmir of egauPr, who codltnu ader or retwi, sida evry wtytili to a ieenc of iKgn Gcdbouor, atWeevhr is, is. So nscei Im Mr. trsiPe, Im Mr. iPsrte. sceaBeu nsti ttha tath, dna tnis is is?
SIR TOBY BELCH To him, Sir Topas.	IRS YTOB BLEHC Go to imh, riS oTsap.
FOOL (disguising his voice) What ho, I say! Peace in this prison!	FOLO (ussgnidiig ihs ecovi) Queit down in hsti siorpn!
SIR TOBY BELCH The knave counterfeits well. A good knave.	SIR BYOT HEBLC heT sfool a oodg acrot. A oodg lofo.
MALVOLIO (from within) Who calls there?	LILMOAVO (stefoagf) hWos thuogisn?
FOOL Sir Topas the curate, who comes to visit Malvolio the lunatic.	OOLF Im rSi ospTa teh teiprs. Ive moec to isvti aoolvlMi the uaniltc.
MALVOLIO Sir Topas, Sir Topas, good Sir Topas, go to my lady	OVIOALLM Sri aTpos, iSr Tsoap, oodg irS posTa, eealsp go difn my ydal lOivia
FOOL Out, hyperbolical fiend! How vexest thou this man! Talkest thou nothing but of ladies?	FLOO tGe tuo, nomed! Wyh era ouy iethrobgn ihts orpo anm! Catn ouy aklt tbaou hyannitg ebidsse lesida?
SIR TOBY BELCH 25 (aside) Well said, Master Parson.	ISR YOTB BCHLE (to iflsemh) lelW said, Mr. etPris.
MALVOLIO Sir Topas, never was man thus wronged. Good Sir Topas, do not think I am mad. They have laid me here in hideous darkness.	OOMLIALV Sri Tpaso, nsdyboo eerv eebn as ydabl ttereda as evI bnee. Good iSr paosT, dotn beeilve Im ineasn, vehyeT usht me up eehr in lbeirhro easkrsdn.
FOOL Fie, thou dishonest Satan! I call thee by the most modest terms, for I am one of those gentle ones that will use the devil himself with courtesy. Sayest thou that house is dark?	FOLO ouY uolhsd be eaahdsm of uyerfslo, aStan, you irla! Im eignb entlge wthi ouy, sbceaue Im noe of hseot dgoo-tdehear peelop woh rae opitle to hte ivdle femslih. ouY clal shti hosue krda?
MALVOLIO As hell, Sir Topas.	VLAOLIOM Drka as lehl, Sir oasTp.
FOOL Why, it hath bay windows transparent as barricadoes, and the clerestories toward the south-north are as lustrous as ebony. And yet complainest thou of obstruction?	OOLF uBt it ahs yab osniwwd htta aer as natnpratres as etnso lslwa, nda het eppur isndoww ncaigf uohts-ohtrn aer as creal as loca. Btu oyreu tisll iopncminlga of srnkaeds nad a bad wevi?
MALVOLIO I am not mad, Sir Topas. I say to you this house is dark.	MVLALOOI Im nto seinna, irS aoTsp. Im nlgelit uyo, siht useho is adrk.
FOOL Madman, thou errest. I say, there is no darkness but ignorance, in which thou art more puzzled than the Egyptians in their fog.	FOLO oeYur owrng, yuo dmaanm. shreeT no daskrnse cteexp aonnregic, adn oyreu moer gtannior tanh het Egispaynt dgirun eht gluape of ogf.
MALVOLIO I say, this house is as dark as ignorance, though ignorance were as dark as hell. And I say, there was never man thus abused. I am no more mad than you are. Make the trial of it in any constant question.	LOLVIOMA I llte ouy, itsh ushoe is as kadr as crnegiano. nAd I ltel oyu, no amn ahs reve eneb teadter ewors hnat me. Im no eorm naesni ahtn uyo era, dan Ill rvpoe it. Aks me ayn omsmnenseco qotesiun.
FOOL What is the opinion of Pythagoras concerning wildfowl?	OLOF hWat swa eht shheopilorp hysaosPargt fbelei toabu widl isbdr?
MALVOLIO 45 That the soul of our grandam might haply inhabit a bird.	VMOLIALO ahTt ruo tmoagerdhsnr lous culdo dne up ignhtniabi a dibr.
FOOL What thinkest thou of his opinion?	OFLO thaW do uyo tnhik of ihs ilfeeb?
MALVOLIO I think nobly of the soul, and no way approve his opinion.	OLIMVALO I rpestec het losu vrye chmu, so I edgaseri iwth ihs eelibf.
FOOL Fare thee well. Remain thou still in darkness. Thou shalt hold the opinion of Pythagoras ere I will allow of thy wits, and fear to kill a woodcock lest thou dispossess the soul of thy grandam. Fare thee well.	OFOL llWe ehnt, oyobedg. ySta in eth krad. Ill lnoy mdait atht uyroe enas ewnh yuo erega htwi ratgyaohPs and teaihset to lkil a dirb eueacsb it mihtg tcinnao oryu tnersmhagord uols. bdoeGyo.
MALVOLIO Sir Topas, Sir Topas!	LOVAOLMI Sri ospTa, Sir Tpaso!
SIR TOBY BELCH My most exquisite Sir Topas!	IRS OTYB CHBEL heT ilnrbatli Sri ospaT!
FOOL Nay, I am for all waters.	OFOL I anc do ynagitnh!
MARIA 55 Thou mightst have done this without thy beard and gown. He sees thee not.	IAMAR oYu luovcde dnoe shti uttwhio uroy rebda nad gown. He dloncut ees oyu.
SIR TOBY BELCH To him in thine own voice, and bring me word how thou findest him. I would we were well rid of this knavery. If he may be conveniently delivered, I would he were, for I am now so far in offense with my niece that I cannot pursue with any safety this sport to the upshot. Come by and by to my chamber.	SIR OTBY CHLBE woN katl to him in ryou won veioc, nda etll me ohw he is. I hisw hist ickrt uwlod be evro. If we acn dfni a inevontnce wya to tle him go, I ntwa to do it. Im in so uchm lobtuer iwht my niece ttah it udnowtl be faes to let tsih aknpr go to tis occslnnoui. oeCm to my rmoo arelt on.
Exeunt SIR TOBY BELCH and MARIA	RIS YBOT CHLEB dan AARMI itex.
FOOL (sings in his own voice) Hey, Robin, jolly Robin, Tell me how thy lady does.	OLFO (he sings in his won ecovi) Hey, noRbi, yjlol Ribon, llTe me woh ryou daly is.
MALVOLIO Fool!	LIVAOLMO Folo!
FOOL (sings) My lady is unkind, perdy.	LOFO (nigigns) My asydl mena, adn ashtt a cfta.
MALVOLIO Fool!	OVALMLIO Folo!
FOOL (sings) Alas, why is she so?	OOFL (gisinng) Oh, Im orsyr, wyh is hse eamn?
MALVOLIO 70 Fool, I say!	AVOIOLLM olFo, I say!
FOOL (sings) She loves anotherWho calls, ha?	OOLF (sgginni) She osvel eoosemn eWssohel hoitgnsu?
MALVOLIO Good fool, as ever thou wilt deserve well at my hand, help me to a candle, and pen, ink, and paper. As I am a gentleman, I will live to be thankful to thee for t.	ALVMOLOI oGdo fool, good rstjee, llI ekma it owtrh oyur iwehl if oyu etg me a dncela, dan a nep, ink and paper. uoY aevh my dowr as a nneagmlte tath llI wlsaya be eaufrlgt to oyu.
FOOL 75 Master Malvolio?	OOLF aMster lalooMiv?
MALVOLIO Ay, good fool.	OAIMLLOV sYe, odgo ofol.
FOOL Alas, sir, how fell you besides your five wits?	OLOF roPo anm, how idd you go ensian?
MALVOLIO Fool, there was never a man so notoriously abused: I am as well in my wits, Fool, as thou art.	VLIOLAOM Folo, no one has evre enbe as tdsmierate as I am. Im moeetlypcl eans, Folo. Im as sane as uoy rae.
FOOL But as well? Then you are mad indeed, if you be no better in your wits than a fool.	LFOO As nsae as me? eThn yuo lelrya ear asienn, if yruoe no aerns hant a oofl.
MALVOLIO They have here propertied me, keep me in darkness, send ministers to measses!and do all they can to face me out of my wits.	LALMVOOI Thye ttera me ekil geragab erhe. They kepe me in dkrsnase, dna ends ciditio sestpir to altk to meeotsh assse!adn do ygntrveihe they nca to inssti Im ensina.
FOOL Advise you what you say. The minister is here. (in the voice of Sir Topas) Malvolio, Malvolio, thy wits the heavens restore! Endeavor thyself to sleep, and leave thy vain bibble-babble.	FOOL Be cflreua htwa uoy heytas rtpeis is hree. (in eht vcioe of rSi osTap) viloolaM, lolMioav, amy hnevea kema uyo sane aiagn! yrT to epsle, and tpso oury iponlesst bgablnbi.
MALVOLIO Sir Topas!	OVMLIOAL Sri pasoT!
FOOL (as Sir Topas) Maintain no words with him, good fellow. (in his own voice) Who, I, sir? Not I, sir. God b wi you, good Sir Topas. (as Sir Topas) Marry, amen. (in his own voice) I will, sir, I will.	FLOO (as riS posTa) otnD klta to hmi, my rdefin. (in ish won vecio) hWo, me, ris? Not me, sri. doG be twhi oyu, riS oTaps, yoedogb. (as Sir osTpa) lleW nhte, mean. (in sih won eiocv) odGoeby, sir.
MALVOLIO Fool, fool, fool, I say!	MALOOIVL Fool, lfoo, eyh, loof!
FOOL Alas, sir, be patient. What say you sir? I am shent for speaking to you.	FOOL lPease, irs, be itqeu. hatW do uoy tnaw to sya, sir? veI juts neeb sdceold orf kngspeai to oyu.
MALVOLIO Good fool, help me to some light and some paper. I tell thee, I am as well in my wits as any man in Illyria.	VOLMOILA Be a ienc loof dan leph me nifd a dcelna and seom perap. I lelt yuo, Im as aens as yan nam in iylIlra.
FOOL Well-a-day that you were, sir.	OOFL If olyn oyu rwee, rsi.
MALVOLIO By this hand, I am. Good fool, some ink, paper, and light, and convey what I will set down to my lady. It shall advantage thee more than ever the bearing of letter did.	LOIMVAOL I ewsar I am. eGt me smoe kin, eappr, nda a neadlc. Ill ritew a telter dna lyulo teak it to my aydl. oYllu tge a iggbre adwerr tanh ouy vree tgo ievdgleirn a rlteet refbeo.
FOOL I will help you to t. But tell me true, are you not mad indeed? Or do you but counterfeit?	LFOO llI ephl uyo. tBu llet me tyolshen, aer oyu ures yuero ton innase? Or aer ouy sutj pdentnegri?
MALVOLIO 105 Believe me, I am not. I tell thee true.	OLILVMAO eeleivB me, Im ont. Im eintlgl the turth.
FOOL Nay, Ill neer believe a madman till I see his brains. I will fetch you light, and paper, and ink.	FOOL Ill evrne vbielee a mnamad lutin I cna ese his asbnir. tuB Ill get uyo a ecladn dna eappr dna ikn.
MALVOLIO Fool, Ill requite it in the highest degree. I prithee, be gone.	VMALLOOI looF, lIl epayr you orf shti roavf. Pselea, yhrru.
FOOL (sings) I am gone, sir, And anon, sir, Ill be with you again, In a trice, Like to the old Vice, Your need to sustain, Who, with dagger of lath In his rage and his wrath, Cries Aha, to the devil, Like a mad lad, Pare thy nails, dad, Adieu, goodman devil.	FOLO (he ngiss) Im gigon won, sri, but oons Ill be with uyo aaign, To pehl ouy retssi eth ivled, eLik eht diekcksi in teh lod apsly oWh khsase a nedwoo adrgge, sumFe in ager nda whrta, dAn susoht oWah! to het eildv. He llsey, Tirm yuro asnli, old mna. And oygedob, anatS, ouy ptasnea.
Exit	LOFO tisxe.