Artboard Created with Sketch. Close Search Dialog
! Error Created with Sketch.

Twelfth Night

William Shakespeare
No Fear Act 2 Scene 5
No Fear Act 2 Scene 5 Page 5

Original Text

Modern Text

SIR ANDREW

(aside) I knew ’twas I, for many do call me fool.

SIR ANDREW

(whispering) I knew he was talking about me. A lot of people call me foolish.

MALVOLIO

(seeing the letter) What employment have we here?

MALVOLIO

(seeing the letter) What’s this?

FABIAN

(aside) Now is the woodcock near the gin.

FABIAN

(whispering) He’s taking the bait.

SIR TOBY BELCH

75 (aside) O, peace! And the spirit of humors intimate reading aloud to him!

SIR TOBY BELCH

(whispering) Shhh! I hope he reads it out loud, to make it funnier!

MALVOLIO

(picking up the letter) By my life, this is my lady’s hand these be her very C’s, her U’s and her T’s and thus makes she her great P’s. It is, in contempt of question, her hand.

MALVOLIO

(picking up the letter) My goodness, this is my lady’s

handwriting

This is an obscene joke: Malvolio unwittingly spells out “cut,” Elizabethan slang for vagina, which is what she uses to make her “pees.”

handwriting
! These are her C’s, her U’s and her T’s, and that’s how she makes her big P’s. It’s definitely her handwriting, no doubt about it.

SIR ANDREW

80(aside) Her C’s, her U’s and her T’s. Why that?

SIR ANDREW

(whispering) Her C’s, her U’s, and her T’s. Why focus on that?

MALVOLIO

(reads) “To the unknown beloved, this, and my good wishes”—Her very phrases! By your leave, wax. Soft! And the impressure her Lucrece, with which she uses to seal. 'Tis my lady. To whom should this be?

MALVOLIO

(reads) To my dear beloved who doesn’t know I love him, I send you this letter with all my heart”—That’s exactly how she talks! Excuse me, sealing wax. (he breaks the seal) Wait! This is the stamp my lady seals her letters with—it has a picture of Lucrece on it. This letter is from Olivia. Who is this written to?

FABIAN

85(aside) This wins him, liver and all.

FABIAN

(whispering) This’ll get him.

MALVOLIO

(reads)
“Jove knows I love,
But who?
Lips, do not move;
90No man must know.”

MALVOLIO

(he reads)
God knows I love someone.
But who?
I can’t let my lips say his name;
“No man must know.”