No Fear Shakespeare: Twelfth Night: Act 2 Scene 5 Page 9

Original Text	Modern Text
Jove, I thank thee! I will smile. I will do everything that thou wilt have me.	Dear God, thank you! I’ll do everything she wants me to do.
Exit	MALVOLIO exits.
FABIAN 165I will not give my part of this sport for a pension of thousands to be paid from the Sophy.	FABIAN I wouldn’t have missed this even for a pension of thousands of pounds, to be paid by the shah of Persia.
SIR TOBY BELCH I could marry this wench for this device.	SIR TOBY BELCH I could marry that Maria for thinking this up.
SIR ANDREW So could I too.	SIR ANDREW So could I.
SIR TOBY BELCH And ask no other dowry with her but such another jest.	SIR TOBY BELCH And I wouldn’t ask for any dowry except for her to play another trick like this one.
SIR ANDREW 170Nor I neither.	SIR ANDREW Neither would I.
Enter MARIA	MARIA enters.
FABIAN Here comes my noble gull-catcher.	FABIAN Here she comes, the brilliant fool-catcher.
SIR TOBY BELCH Wilt thou set thy foot o' my neck?	SIR TOBY BELCH May I kiss your feet?
SIR ANDREW Or o' mine either?	SIR ANDREW And I too?
SIR TOBY BELCH Shall I play my freedom at tray-trip, and become thy bondslave?	SIR TOBY BELCH Shall I be your slave?
SIR ANDREW I' faith, or I either?	SIR ANDREW Me too.
SIR TOBY BELCH Why, thou hast put him in such a dream that when the image of it leaves him he must run mad.	SIR TOBY BELCH You’ve made him so delusional he’ll go crazy when he learns the truth.