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Twelfth Night

William Shakespeare
No Fear Act 2 Scene 5
No Fear Act 2 Scene 5 Page 9

Original Text

Modern Text

Jove, I thank thee! I will smile. I will do everything that thou wilt have me.
Dear God, thank you! I’ll do everything she wants me to do.
Exit
MALVOLIO exits.

FABIAN

165I will not give my part of this sport for a pension of thousands to be paid from the Sophy.

FABIAN

I wouldn’t have missed this even for a pension of thousands of pounds, to be paid by the shah of Persia.

SIR TOBY BELCH

I could marry this wench for this device.

SIR TOBY BELCH

I could marry that Maria for thinking this up.

SIR ANDREW

So could I too.

SIR ANDREW

So could I.

SIR TOBY BELCH

And ask no other dowry with her but such another jest.

SIR TOBY BELCH

And I wouldn’t ask for any dowry except for her to play another trick like this one.

SIR ANDREW

170Nor I neither.

SIR ANDREW

Neither would I.
Enter MARIA
MARIA enters.

FABIAN

Here comes my noble gull-catcher.

FABIAN

Here she comes, the brilliant fool-catcher.

SIR TOBY BELCH

Wilt thou set thy foot o' my neck?

SIR TOBY BELCH

May I kiss your feet?

SIR ANDREW

Or o' mine either?

SIR ANDREW

And I too?

SIR TOBY BELCH

Shall I play my freedom at tray-trip, and become thy bondslave?

SIR TOBY BELCH

Shall I be your slave?

SIR ANDREW

I' faith, or I either?

SIR ANDREW

Me too.

SIR TOBY BELCH

Why, thou hast put him in such a dream that when the image of it leaves him he must run mad.

SIR TOBY BELCH

You’ve made him so delusional he’ll go crazy when he learns the truth.