Twelfth Night

William Shakespeare
No Fear Act 3 Scene 1
No Fear Act 3 Scene 1 Page 3

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FOOL

Foolery, sir, does walk about the orb like the sun. It shines everywhere. I would be sorry, sir, but the fool should be as oft with your master as with my mistress: I think I saw your wisdom there.

FOOL

I’m everywhere. Foolishness is all over the world, just like sunshine. I’d be sorry if people thought your master was less familiar with foolishness than my mistress is. I think I saw you there, you wise man.

VIOLA

Nay, an thou pass upon me, I’ll no more with thee. Hold, there’s expenses for thee.

VIOLA

Oh no, if you’re joking around with me, I’m leaving. Wait, here’s a coin for you.

FOOL

Now Jove, in his next commodity of hair, send thee a beard!

FOOL

Next time God sends out a shipment of hair, I hope he gives you a beard!

VIOLA

40By my troth, I’ll tell thee, I am almost sick for one, (aside) though I would not have it grow on my chin. (to fool) Is thy lady within?

VIOLA

Oh, I know. Seriously, I’m dying for one, (to herself) I mean, I’m dying for a man who has a beard; I don’t want one to grow on my chin. (to the FOOL) Is Lady Olivia inside?

FOOL

Would not a pair of these have bred, sir?

FOOL

If I had two of these coins, do you think they’d breed more coins?

VIOLA

Yes, being kept together and put to use.

VIOLA

Yes, if you kept them together and invested them.

FOOL

45I would play Lord Pandarus of Phrygia, sir, to bring a
Cressida to this Troilus.

FOOL

VIOLA

(giving him money) I understand you, sir. 'Tis well begged.

VIOLA

(giving the FOOL money) I get what you’re driving at, sir. You’re a very clever beggar.

FOOL

The matter, I hope, is not great, sir, begging but a beggar. Cressida was a beggar. My lady is within, sir. I will construe to them whence you come. Who you are and what you would are out of my welkin, I might say “element,” but the word is overworn.

FOOL

It shouldn’t be too much to ask; I’m only begging for a beggar. They say Cressida became a beggar in her old age. My lady Olivia’s inside, sir. I’ll tell them where you come from, though I don’t know who you are or what you want. I’d say I was “out of my element,” but that phrase is overused, so I’ll say I’m “out of my air.”
Exit
The FOOL exits.