No Fear Shakespeare: Twelfth Night: Act 3 Scene 2

Original Text	Modern Text
Enter SIR TOBY BELCH, SIR ANDREW, and FABIAN	SIR TOBY BELCH, SIR ANDREW, and FABIAN enter.
SIR ANDREW No, faith, I’ll not stay a jot longer.	SIR ANDREW No, I won’t stay a second longer.
SIR TOBY BELCH Thy reason, dear venom, give thy reason.	SIR TOBY BELCH Why are you leaving, my angry friend?
FABIAN You must needs yield your reason, Sir Andrew.	FABIAN Yes, you have to tell us why, Sir Andrew.
SIR ANDREW Marry, I saw your niece do more favors to the Count’s servingman than ever she bestowed upon me. I saw ’t i' the orchard.	SIR ANDREW Well, because I saw your niece Olivia treat the count’s messenger better than she’s ever treated me. I saw it in the orchard.
SIR TOBY BELCH Did she see thee the while, old boy? Tell me that.	SIR TOBY BELCH Did she see you there the whole time, old boy? Tell me that.
SIR ANDREW As plain as I see you now.	SIR ANDREW Yes, she saw me quite clearly.
FABIAN This was a great argument of love in her toward you.	FABIAN Well, that proves she’s in love with you.
SIR ANDREW 10'Slight, will you make an ass o' me?	SIR ANDREW Are you trying to make fun of me?
FABIAN I will prove it legitimate, sir, upon the oaths of judgment and reason.	FABIAN No, I’ll prove it with airtight evidence and logical argument.
SIR TOBY BELCH And they have been grand-jurymen since before Noah was a sailor.	SIR TOBY BELCH And you can’t deny evidence and argument—They’ve been around since Noah’s ark.
FABIAN 15She did show favor to the youth in your sight only to exasperate you, to awake your dormouse valor, to put fire in your heart and brimstone in your liver. You should then have accosted her, and with some excellent jests, fire-new from the mint, you should have banged the youth into dumbness.	FABIAN She flirted with the messenger boy to exasperate you, fire up your passions, and make you angry and jealous. You should have run up to her, unleashed a few excellent quips invented on the spot, and rendered the young man speechless.