Original Text
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Modern Text
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Enter MARIA and FOOL
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MARIA and the FOOL enter.
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MARIA
Nay, I prithee, put on this gown and this beard. Make him
believe thou art Sir Topas the curate. Do it quickly. I’ll call
Sir Toby the whilst.
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MARIA
No, I’m telling you, put on this robe and beard. Make him think you’re Sir Topas the priest. Be quick. Meanwhile, I’ll get Sir Toby.
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Exit
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MARIA exits.
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FOOL
Well, I’ll put it on, and I will dissemble myself in ’t, and I
would I were the first that ever dissembled in such a gown.
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FOOL
Well, I’ll put it on and disguise myself. I wish I were the first person who ever told lies in a priest’s robe.
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FOOL puts on gown and beard
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The FOOL puts on the robe and beard.
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I am not tall enough to become the function well, nor lean
enough to be thought a good student, but to be said an
honest man and a good housekeeper goes as fairly as to say
a careful man and a great scholar. The competitors enter.
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I’m not tall enough to make a believable priest, or skinny enough to look like a good student. But if you’re an honest man and a good host, that’s almost as good as being moral and studious. Here come the conspirators.
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Enter SIR TOBY BELCH and MARIA
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SIR TOBY BELCH and MARIA enter.
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SIR TOBY BELCH
10Jove bless thee, master Parson.
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SIR TOBY BELCH
God bless you, Mr. Priest.
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FOOL
Bonos dies, Sir Toby. For, as the old hermit of Prague, that
never saw pen and ink, very wittily said to a niece of King
Gorboduc, “That that is is.” So I, being Master Parson, am
Master Parson. For, what is “that” but “that,” and “is” but
“is”?
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FOOL
Bonos dies
, Sir Toby. As the old hermit of Prague, who couldn’t read or write, said very wittily to a niece of King Gorboduc, “Whatever is, is.” So since I’m Mr. Priest, I’m Mr. Priest. Because isn’t “that” “that,” and isn’t “is” “is”?
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SIR TOBY BELCH
To him, Sir Topas.
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SIR TOBY BELCH
Go to him, Sir Topas.
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