Twelfth Night

by: William Shakespeare

  Act 5 Scene 1

page Act 5 Scene 1 Page 9

Original Text

Modern Text

SIR ANDREW

The Count’s gentleman, one Cesario. We took him for a coward, but he’s the very devil incardinate.

SIR ANDREW

The count’s messenger, Cesario. We thought he was a coward, but he fights like a devil.

ORSINO

My gentleman, Cesario?

ORSINO

My Cesario?

SIR ANDREW

'Od’s lifelings, here he is!—You broke my head for nothing, and that that I did, I was set on to do ’t by Sir Toby.

SIR ANDREW

Oh, no, there he is! —You cut my head for no reason. Anything I did to you, I did it because Sir Toby made me.

VIOLA

Why do you speak to me? I never hurt you.
You drew your sword upon me without cause,
But I bespoke you fair and hurt you not.

VIOLA

Why are you talking like this? I never hurt you. You waved your sword at me for no reason, but I was nice to you. I didn’t hurt you.

SIR ANDREW

If a bloody coxcomb be a hurt, you have hurt me. I think you set nothing by a bloody coxcomb.

SIR ANDREW

If a bloody head counts as a hurt, then you hurt me. Apparently you think there’s nothing unusual about a bloody head.
Enter SIR TOBY BELCH and FOOL
SIR TOBY BELCH and the FOOL enter.
Here comes Sir Toby halting. You shall hear more. But if he had not been in drink, he would have tickled you othergates than he did.
Here comes Sir Toby, limping. He’ll tell you more of the story. If he hadn’t been drunk, he would’ve really roughed you up.

ORSINO

How now, gentleman? How is ’t with you?

ORSINO

Hello, sir! How are you?

SIR TOBY BELCH

190That’s all one: has hurt me, and there’s the end on ’t. (to
FOOL) Sot, didst see Dick Surgeon, sot?

SIR TOBY BELCH

It doesn’t matter how I am: he hurt me, and that’s that. (to FOOL) Fool, have you seen Dick the surgeon?

FOOL

Oh, he’s drunk, Sir Toby, an hour agone. His eyes were set at eight i' the morning.

FOOL

Oh, he’s drunk, Sir Toby, for a whole hour now. His eyes started glazing over around eight in the morning.

SIR TOBY BELCH

Then he’s a rogue, and a passy-measures pavin. I hate a drunken rogue.

SIR TOBY BELCH

Then he’s no good. I hate no-good drunks.