Twelfth Night

Act 1 Scene 5

Original Text	Modern Text
Enter MARIA and the FOOL	MARIA and the FOOL The fool, or jester, makes his living by amusing Olivia and the members of her household. FOOL enter.
MARIA Nay, either tell me where thou hast been, or I will not open my lips so wide as a bristle may enter in way of thy excuse. My lady will hang thee for thy absence.	MARIA No. Either tell me where you’ve been, or I won’t make any excuses for you to Lady Olivia. Lady Olivia will have you executed for not showing up.
FOOL Let her hang me. He that is well hanged in this world needs to fear no colors.	FOOL So let her execute me. Anyone who’s executed doesn’t have to be afraid of anything he sees.
MARIA Make that good.	MARIA How do you know?
FOOL He shall see none to fear.	FOOL Well, he’ll be dead, so he won’t see anything.
MARIA A good lenten answer. I can tell thee where that saying was born, of “I fear no colors.”	MARIA That’s a lame answer. By the way, I know where you get all your brave talk about not being afraid of anything.
FOOL 10Where, good Mistress Mary?	FOOL Where, good Miss Mary?
MARIA In the wars. And that may you be bold to say in your foolery.	MARIA From soldiers. But you’ll never see the front lines. It’s easy for you to talk about bravery, working as a fool in this palace.
FOOL Well, God give them wisdom that have it. And those that are fools, let them use their talents.	FOOL Well, we all have our special gifts. Some people are born wise; those of us who were meant to be fools should do what they do best.
MARIA 15Yet you will be hanged for being so long absent. Or to be turned away, is not that as good as a hanging to you?	MARIA But still, she’s going to kill you for being gone so long. Or at least fire you. And wouldn’t that be as bad for you as being killed?