Twelfth Night

by: William Shakespeare

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FOOL

Many a good hanging prevents a bad marriage, and, for turning away, let summer bear it out.

FOOL

Sometimes getting killed is a good way to avoid getting married. And as for being fired, it’s summer, so it won’t be that bad to be homeless.

MARIA

You are resolute, then?

MARIA

You’ve made up your mind, then?

FOOL

20Not so, neither, but I am resolved on two points.

FOOL

No, but I’ve made up my mind on two points.

MARIA

That if one break, the other will hold. Or, if both break, your gaskins fall.

MARIA

Ah yes, the two points where your suspenders are attached to your buttons. If one breaks, the other will hold, but if both points break, your pants will fall down.

FOOL

Apt, in good faith, very apt. Well, go thy way. If Sir Toby would leave drinking, thou wert as witty a piece of Eve’s flesh as any in Illyria.

FOOL

Clever, very clever. Well, go along now. You’d be the funniest person in Illyria… if Sir Toby ever stopped drinking.

MARIA

Peace, you rogue, no more o' that. Here comes my lady.
Make your excuse wisely, you were best.

MARIA

Shut up, you troublemaker, no more of that. Here comes my lady. If you know what’s good for you, you’ll think up some good excuse for being away so long.
Exit
MARIA exits.

FOOL

(aside) Wit, an ’t be thy will, put me into good fooling! Those wits, that think they have thee, do very oft prove fools. And I, that am sure I lack thee, may pass for a wise man. For what says Quinapalus? “Better a witty fool, than a foolish wit.”

FOOL

(to himself) Please, let me think of something funny to say now! Smart people who think they’re witty often turn out to be fools, but I know I’m not witty, so I might pass for smart. What did that philosopher

Quinapalus

Quinapalus is a made-up name

Quinapalus
say? Ah yes, “A witty fool’s better than a foolish wit.”
Enter OLIVIA with MALVOLIO with attendants
OLIVIA enters with MALVOLIO and attendants.
God bless thee, lady!
Greetings to you, madam!