Twelfth Night

by: William Shakespeare

  Act 1 Scene 5

page Act 1 Scene 5 Page 6

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Exit MARIA
MARIA exits.
Go you, Malvolio. If it be a suit from the count, I am sick, or not at home. What you will, to dismiss it.
Go out and talk to this visitor, Malvolio. If he’s got a message from the count, tell him I’m sick, or not home. Tell him anything you want, as long as you make him go away.
Exit MALVOLIO
MALVOLIO exits.
Now you see, sir, how your fooling grows old, and people dislike it.
Now you see how your fooling gets boring, and people don’t like it.

FOOL

Thou hast spoke for us, madonna, as if thy eldest son should be a fool, whose skull Jove cram with brains, for— here he comes—one of thy kin has a most weak pia mater.

FOOL

Madam, you’ve spoken so highly of us fools, you’d think your oldest son was going into that line of work. I hope God crams his skull full of brains, because here comes one of your relatives who’s pretty weak in the head.
Enter SIR TOBY BELCH
SIR TOBY BELCH enters.

OLIVIA

By mine honor, half-drunk. What is he at the gate, cousin?

OLIVIA

I swear, he’s half drunk already. Who’s that at the gate, uncle?

SIR TOBY BELCH

A gentleman.

SIR TOBY BELCH

A gentleman.

OLIVIA

A gentleman? What gentleman?

OLIVIA

A gentleman? What gentleman?

SIR TOBY BELCH

'Tis a gentleman here—a plague o' these pickle herring!
110How now, sot!

SIR TOBY BELCH

There’s some gentleman out there.—(belching) Damn these pickled herring! They upset my stomach. How’s it going, fool?

FOOL

Good Sir Toby!

FOOL

Good Sir Toby!

OLIVIA

Cousin, cousin, how have you come so early by this lethargy?

OLIVIA

Uncle, uncle, how are you already so brain-dead so early in the day?