Twelfth Night

by: William Shakespeare

Original Text

Modern Text

SIR TOBY BELCH

Lechery! I defy lechery. There’s one at the gate.

SIR TOBY BELCH

Brain-dead! Nonsense. I defy brain-death! I told you, someone’s at the gate.

OLIVIA

115Ay, marry, what is he?

OLIVIA

Yes, but who is he?

SIR TOBY BELCH

Let him be the devil, an he will, I care not. Give me faith, say I. Well, it’s all one.

SIR TOBY BELCH

Let him be the devil if he wants to, I don’t care. God will protect me. What do I care who it is?
Exit
SIR TOBY BELCH exits.

OLIVIA

What’s a drunken man like, fool?

OLIVIA

Tell me what a drunk is like, fool.

FOOL

Like a drowned man, a fool and a madman. One draught above heat makes him a fool, the second mads him, and a third drowns him.

FOOL

He’s a fool, a madman, and a drowned man. The first drink makes him a fool, the second makes him crazy, and the third drowns him.

OLIVIA

Go thou and seek the crowner, and let him sit o' my coz. For he’s in the third degree of drink, he’s drowned. Go look after him.

OLIVIA

Go find the coroner and tell him to perform an inquest on my uncle, because he’s in the third degree of drunkenness—he’s drowned. Go take care of him.

FOOL

125He is but mad yet, madonna, and the fool shall look to the madman.

FOOL

He’s still only in the crazy phase. The fool will go take care of the madman.
Exit
The FOOL exits.
Enter MALVOLIO
MALVOLIO enters.

MALVOLIO

Madam, yond young fellow swears he will speak with you. I told him you were sick. He takes on him to understand so much, and therefore comes to speak with you. I told him you were asleep. He seems to have a foreknowledge of that too, and therefore comes to speak with you. What is to be said to him, lady? He’s fortified against any denial.

MALVOLIO

Madam, that young man out there says he’s got to speak to you. I told him you were sick. He claimed he knew that, and that’s why he’s come to speak with you. I told him you were asleep. He claimed to know that already too, and said that’s the reason he’s come to speak with you. What can I say to him, lady? He’s got an answer for everything.