No Fear Shakespeare: Twelfth Night: Act 2 Scene 3

Original Text	Modern Text
Enter SIR TOBY BELCH and SIR ANDREW	SIR TOBY BELCH and SIR ANDREW enter.
SIR TOBY BELCH Approach, Sir Andrew. Not to be abed after midnight is to be up betimes, and diluculo surgere, thou know’st,—	SIR TOBY BELCH Come on, Sir Andrew. If we’re still awake after midnight, then we’re up early in the morning. And the doctors say it’s healthy to get up early—
SIR ANDREW Nay, my troth, I know not. But I know to be up late is to be up late.	SIR ANDREW I don’t know what the doctors say. All I know is that staying up late is staying up late.
SIR TOBY BELCH 5A false conclusion. I hate it as an unfilled can. To be up after midnight and to go to bed then, is early, so that to go to bed after midnight is to go to bed betimes. Does not our life consist of the four elements?	SIR TOBY BELCH A false conclusion. I hate your logic as much as I hate an empty drinking cup. Staying up after midnight means that you go to bed after midnight, in the wee hours of the morning, which is early. So it’s like going to bed early. Isn’t everybody made up of the four elements—earth, water, fire, and air?
SIR ANDREW Faith, so they say, but I think it rather consists of eating and drinking.	SIR ANDREW That’s what they say, but I think life consists of food and booze.
SIR TOBY BELCH Thou'rt a scholar. Let us therefore eat and drink. Marian, I say! A stoup of wine!	SIR TOBY BELCH You’re a smart guy. So we should eat and drink. Maria! Bring us some wine!
Enter FOOL	The FOOL enters.
SIR ANDREW Here comes the fool, i' faith.	SIR ANDREW Look, here comes the fool.
FOOL How now, my hearts! Did you never see the picture of “We 15Three”?	FOOL Hello, my friends! What a pretty picture, three fools all together.
SIR TOBY BELCH Welcome, ass. Now let’s have a catch.	SIR TOBY BELCH Hello, you idiot. Sing us a song.