Sometimes life can be hard, and there are plenty of reasons for it. You tripped over nothing and fell flat on your face. You got something stuck in your teeth during lunch and didn’t know about it until you got home. You completely and irredeemably fumbled a conversation with a cute person who may or may not have been your soulmate, thereby ruining your chances with them forever and ensuring you’ll eventually die alone. It happens.
But if you’re feeling like maybe being swallowed up by a giant hole right about now wouldn’t be such a terrible thing, remember that things could always be worse. You could’ve been a character in a novel, and we should be celebrating the fact that you’re not. So this year at Thanksgiving dinner when your mom makes everyone go around the room and say what they’re thankful for, we’re giving you permission to use one of the following:
4. Be thankful you haven’t been cursed by the gods to suffer captivity, constant shipwrecks, Sirens, cannibals, sea witches, and hungry one-eyed giants only to arrive home to find your house has been taken over by suitors looking to marry your wife, and also your dog is dead.
5. Be thankful you didn’t wake up as a bug today, resulting in a considerable financial burden on your family who now hates you.