3. [W]herever
I sat—on the deck of a ship or at a street café in Paris or Bangkok—I
would be sitting under the same glass bell jar, stewing in my own
sour air.
This quotation, from the beginning of
Chapter 15, introduces the symbol of the
bell jar. Esther explains that no matter where she goes, she exists
in the hell of her own mind. She is trapped inside herself, and
no external stimulation, no matter how new and exciting, can ameliorate
this condition. The bell jar of Esther’s madness separates her from
the people she should care about. Esther’s association of her illness
with a bell jar suggests her feeling that madness descends on her
without her control or assent—it is as if an unseen scientist traps
her. Esther’s suicidal urges come from this sense of suffocating isolation.
