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A tragic figure, An-mei’s mother demonstrates how misogynistic traditions and mores rob women of their agency. Throughout her life, An-mei’s mother is consistently blamed for the cruel and violent actions of the men around her. For example, Popo and An-mei’s aunt and uncle discuss An-mei’s mother as if marrying Wu Tsing was her choice and not the horrific consequence of rape. They ultimately victim-blame her. Because An-mei’s mother is both forced to become Wu Tsing’s concubine and considered a shameful woman for doing so, she becomes cut off from her family, not allowed to be present for the people she loves. She is absent from An-mei’s early life as the rest of her family tries to save An-mei from being tainted by her name. She cannot see Popo through her convalescence, only returning home at the last moment. She cannot bring An-mei’s brother with her because as a man he must carry on his father’s name. Because misogyny is so embedded in the morality and social norms, An-mei’s mother is limited even in the ways she can choose to be a loving daughter and mother.
However, An-mei’s mother doesn’t simply succumb to her cruel fate. In the face of the social mores and structures keeping her from protecting the people she loves, An-mei’s mother turns to self-sacrifice as a sign of will, love, and agency. We see this first when she uses her own flesh to make soup for Popo in accordance with a traditional remedy. This sacrifice foreshadows the ultimate sacrifice of her life to protect An-mei. Knowing that Second Wife wishes to kill her, An-mei’s mother uses the very social mores that trap her in inaction to trap Wu-Tsing. Because of the hierarchical nature of their household, An-mei’s mother knows she cannot directly fight against Second Wife. However, by taking Second Wife’s poison right before Lunar New Year, she invokes other social customs around appeasing the dead that she believes will assure An-mei’s safety. In this way, An-mei’s mother reveals that it is always possible to assert one’s will, even in the most restrictive of environments.
