Grief as a State of Temporary Mental Illness
John’s death and Quintana’s illness cause Didion to challenge
her basic assumptions about the grieving process. While she originally believed
that grief was merely an intensification of recognizable emotions,
she comes to see grief as a state of temporary insanity and mental
illness. To illustrate this point, Didion describes her own irrational
behavior, presents documentation by writers and psychologists about
the deranging effects of grief, and provides informal examples of
how grief functions like mental illness. Didion rejects the idea
that grief is simply intense sadness by demonstrating how grief
leads to extreme denial, delusional wishful thinking, the belief in
individual ability to control outcomes, reduced functioning, and a
shaken sense of self. Didion documents how she engaged in these patterns
(particularly through her magical thinking and experiences of the
vortex effect), but she also shows us how she concealed her insanity
behind an apparently rational, functional surface.
The Pathology of Grief in American Culture
Didion argues that, in American society, grief is seen
as a form of self-indulgence, self-pity, and wallowing—each an act
of weakness and self-involvement that goes against the American
ideals of independence, self-reliance, and stoicism. Soon after
John dies, Didion writes down the following words: “The question
of self-pity.” She goes on to analyze the behavior expected from
a person dealing with a great personal loss, examining the social
conventions that dictate behavior in hospitals, at funerals, and
in other social settings relevant to dying. Didion describes how
perceptions of grief have changed over the course of the twentieth
century, showing how death moved from a private experience that
was a reality of home life to an institutionalized experience that
occurs more frequently in hospitals. She also analyzes her own behavior,
examining how grief caused her to conceal her temporary state of
mental illness under a controlled surface, even though her heightened
vulnerability made social interaction incredibly difficult. Didion’s
contradictory behavior fits in perfectly with the current social
norms of dealing with grief: putting on a brave face and appearing
to “handle it” well. By detailing her own behavior, Didion exposes
the unrealistic social expectations that fail to account for grief
as a type of mental illness.
The Role of Family Relationships in Shaping Individual
Identity
After John’s death, Didion must confront the ways in which
her sense of self was tied to her relationships with John and Quintana and
how her new circumstances have forced her to reevaluate her identity.
Shared experience creates a unique bond between husband and wife,
just as it does between mother and child. John’s death causes Didion
to confront not only the loss of her husband but also the loss of
their shared history and experience. After his death, she is often
frustrated by her inability to tell John about an idea, recall a shared
memory, or recount an experience, leading her to internalize her
thoughts and try to imagine his responses. Didion misses her former
outlet for ideas and emotions, but she also laments the loss of a
person who had been a constant presence in her life for almost forty
years. Didion grieves not only John but also the loss of a crucial
part of her identity.
