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The Taming of the Shrew

William Shakespeare
No Fear Act 3 Scene 2
No Fear Act 3 Scene 2 Page 8

Original Text

Modern Text

GREMIO

130Tut, she’s a lamb, a dove, a fool to him!
I’ll tell you, Sir Lucentio: when the priest
Should ask if Katherine should be his wife,
“Ay, by gogs wouns!” quoth he, and swore so loud
That, all amazed, the priest let fall the book,
135And as he stooped again to take it up,
The mad-brained bridegroom took him such a cuff
That down fell priest and book, and book and priest.
“Now take them up,” quoth he, “if any list.”

GREMIO

Why, she’s a lamb, a dove, a child compared to him! Picture this: when the priest asked Katherine if she would have him, he answered, “Hell, yes!” and swore so loud that the priest drops the prayer book. Everyone froze, and as the priest stooped to pick it up again the lunatic bridegroom smacked him so hard that the priest and book went flying! Then he said, “Now pick them up—if anyone dares.”

TRANIO

(as LUCENTIO) What said the wench when he rose again?

TRANIO

(as LUCENTIO) What did the girl say when the priest got up?

GREMIO

140Trembled and shook, for why he stamped and swore
As if the vicar meant to cozen him.
But after many ceremonies done,
He calls for wine. “A health!” quoth he, as if
He had been aboard, carousing to his mates
145After a storm; quaffed off the muscatel
And threw the sops all in the sexton’s face,
Having no other reason
But that his beard grew thin and hungerly
And seemed to ask him sops as he was drinking.
150This done, he took the bride about the neck
And kissed her lips with such a clamorous smack
That at the parting all the church did echo.
And I, seeing this, came thence for very shame,
And after me, I know, the rout is coming.
155Such a mad marriage never was before.

GREMIO

She trembled and shook because he stamped and swore and carried on as though the vicar were trying to put something over on him. Finally, the ceremony done, he called for wine. “A health!” he shouted, like some sailor aboard ship, carousing with his mates after a storm. Then he chugs the wine and throws the dregs in the sexton’s face. Why? Because the fellow’s beard looked thin, he said, and it seemed to be asking him for the dregs while he was drinking. Next he slung his arm around the bride’s neck and kissed her with such a smack that when they parted the sound of their lips made the whole church echo. That was the limit for me. I got out of there as fast as I could. I know the rest of the crowd isn’t far behind me. It’s disgraceful! You never saw such a mockery of a marriage in your life!
Music
Music plays
Hark, hark! I hear the minstrels play.
There go the minstrels. They’ve started up.