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“Sometimes it seems like writing is the only way I keep from hurting.”
Xiomara concludes the final draft of her first essay for Ms. Galiano, with this quote. In the essay, Xiomara writes about Twin’s gift of a notebook for her twelfth birthday and how it was a transformative experience for her. Xiomara says Twin gave her the notebook because he was concerned that she didn’t talk much, didn’t express herself. Giving her a vehicle for Xiomara to express herself was Twin’s way of affirming his sister’s identity, of saying that he believed her thoughts were worthwhile and important. As Xiomara began writing daily, her voice took the form of poetry, and she began to view herself as a poet, creating a new identity for herself. Using poetry as a form of expression became a way for Xiomara to recognize and process things that are hurtful to her. As she writes about religion, her body, her growing feelings for Aman, and her fraught relationship with her parents, especially Mami, Xiomara is able to make sense of her feelings and determine who she is beyond the things that create conflict for her. When Mami ultimately burns her first notebook, the one she’s spent years writing in, Xiomara no longer needs the physical evidence of her development. Her identity as a poet is firmly established because she’s invested the time and energy in the expression of her feelings, and she knows the poetry lives within her.
“I sit wondering how writing can bring such strange strangers into the same room.”
Xiomara is awed by the talent and complexity of her peers’ writings during her first poetry club meeting, which she is finally able to attend when she is no longer required to attend confirmation class. In this quote, she recognizes fellow creators and outliers and for the first time, Xiomara experiences community that feels welcoming and authentic to her for the first time. She’s felt like an outsider in her family and in the church, but the fellow students she meets in poetry club are her people. Xiomara marvels at how writing brings such different people together. Even though Isabelle, Chris, and Stephan are very different people with different writing styles, they are united in their love of poetry and their support of each other. For her whole life, Xiomara has been expected to conform to Mami’s standards and the rules of the church. In poetry club, however, Xiomara sees how people’s unique qualities are valued and how they contribute to a focus on the most important thing that unifies them which is their writing. In addition to the feeling of community, Xiomara feels the power of her voice for the first time once she has an audience willing to listen and treat her words with respect.
“So many of the poems tonight felt a little like our own stories. Like we saw and were seen. And how crazy would it be if I did that for someone else?”
Xiomara has attended her first poetry slam, and she is in awe of the vulnerability and passion shared by the other artists. This quote is Xiomara’s reflection, and it reveals her awareness that her art serves not only herself but others. Through poetry club, Xiomara grows in confidence and feels the power of having an audience for her poetry. It’s at the poetry slam, however, that she begins to understand how her work can impact others. As she hears the other poets read, she feels that their words are for her. She finally makes the connection that she does not just receive from her audience but gives as well. At the open mic event with Twin and Caridad, Xiomara understands that her poetry is a gift she gives the audience. She is inspired to share her stories through poetry in the hopes that her words will resonate for others who might feel seen and understood after hearing Xiomara’s poetry. She describes feeling a high from the idea of being a power for other people to feel less alone and says it’s something that inspires her to not only keep writing but keep sharing the work that she’s always kept private and secret before.
