payment page
“I touch my tongue to the word volition, like it’s a fruit I’ve never tasted that’s already gone sour in my mouth.”
During confirmation class, Father Sean talks about choosing God out of one’s own volition, an idea that is intriguing yet foreign to Xiomara because feels she has never been given a choice about accepting the Catholic religion. Although she likes the concept of volition, she characterizes it as a “sour” because she would never attend church or confirmation if she had the freedom to choose. Rather, Xiomara feels she has no volition. She feels that Mami has coerced her into accepting Catholicism. The fruit Xiomara uses as a metaphor suggests the forbidden fruit Eve tastes in Eden, a motif reinforced by Xiomara’s love of apples. Xiomara, however, believes she’s judged without ever committing what her mother considers sinful, never tasting the things that are off-limits to her. As a result, Xiomara is left feeling sour and discouraged by her lack of freedom to make her own choices, even if those choices turn out to be mistakes.
“I only know that learning to believe in the power of my own words has been the most freeing experience of my life. It has brought me the most light. And isn’t that what a poem is? A lantern glowing in the dark.”
Questions about religion dominate Xiomara’s poetry throughout the novel. In this final essay for Ms. Galiano and on the book’s final page, Xiomara reconciles her understanding that her faith, her religion, is manifested through her poetry. Xiomara’s poetry is a powerful force in her life. Despite being repressed by her mother and ignored by her father, Xiomara uses her poetry not only as a way to express her feelings but also to make sense of them. As she writes in her notebook, Xiomara explores things she cannot share with anyone because she knows she will be judged and possibly punished. Through her poetry, she can illuminate a path for herself that takes her from a state of fear, sadness, confusion, and anger to one of purposeful rebellion. Her words light the way for Xiomara to work through her struggles and articulate her needs and wants.
“I think about all the things we could be if we were never told our bodies were not built for them.”
This quote comes from Xiomara and Aman’s ice skating date. During the date, Aman confides that he loved ice-skating but that he wasn’t encouraged by his father because the sport was “soft.” In this quote, Xiomara laments for herself and for Aman what the world would be like if people were free to be their authentic selves rather than having to be what other people want them to be. As she comes of age, Xiomara realizes how repressed she’s been because of the limits placed on her by others. As a female, Xiomara’s gender role is defined for her. The teachings of the church dictate that women’s bodies are for childbearing and not for pleasure. Likewise, Aman’s love of ice skating is discouraged by his father’s notions of masculinity, which irrationally dismisses Aman’s talent and personal enjoyment of the sport simply because it is not manly enough. Throughout the novel, Xiomara objects to the ways that her parents and other authority figures limit the potential of herself and other young people by forbidding them from following their natural desires.
