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Summary
Part II: And the Word Was Made Flesh, Section 1 “Smoke Parks” – “Talking Church”
Xiomara and Aman meet in public at a park near school where people often go to smoke marijuana. Xiomara speculates that Aman also smokes, but he doesn’t do it around her. They share earbuds and listen to music. Afterward, she thinks about how she’ll never love a boy other than Twin. She loves him because she has to even though she says he’s a bad brother. He’s small, nerdy, and fearful, and Xiomara has spent her whole life sticking up for him while she believes he never intuits when she needs help. Still, he does notice that she’s different since being with Aman who texts her to say he wants to keep getting together. Xiomara’s excitement inspires more of her poetry even as she continues avoiding poetry club and Ms. Galiano’s invitations and encouragement. Xiomara and Aman pass notes during biology, getting to know each other better and continuing to flirt with each other. Xiomara is excited and hopeful even as Mami criticizes her for whispering with Caridad during confirmation class.
The next time Xiomara and Aman meet at the park, he asks her to read her poetry to him. Although she’s terrified, she does it, and Aman is impressed and says he’d like to hear more. Xiomara asks about his family, and Aman tells her about how his mother chose to stay in Trinidad when he and his father came to the U.S. They get closer and start walking to the train together after school. Xiomara is relieved but confused that he’s never tried to do more than hold her hand. In church, she continues to not take communion, and she questions Father Sean about the Book of Genesis, asking if the stories are metaphors. In a private conversation, Father Sean does not answer her questions, but he does tell her that her curiosity is normal and encourages her to talk to Mami which Xiomara knows she’ll never do.
Xiomara’s next English assignment asks for the last paragraphs of her biography. She writes in her rough draft that she wants to be remembered as a warrior. In the draft she turns in, however, she shows that she aspires to be a notable writer who created a support organization for first-generation teen girls so they can live their own lives instead of being oppressed by their parents’ expectations. She also says she will never marry or have kids but live down the street from Twin while their parents live back in the D.R. During biology class, she and Aman hold hands under their desk, and she feels desire. At home in bed, Xiomara masturbates, wondering why she’s been taught that things that feel good are wrong and dirty. When she sees him again, Aman asks Xiomara about how she goes to church a lot. Although she’s terrified of what he’s going to think of her, she answers that she goes because her mother is very involved in church. As the conversation moves to poetry, Xiomara says she’ll go by the name The Poet X.
Analysis
Xiomara uses the metaphor of Legos to describe her feelings for Aman and how he inspires her writing. The metaphor emphasizes how layered and complex Xiomara’s feelings are for Aman, and she constructs poetry as a way of making her emotions visible for herself as words on pages. The metaphor also addresses Xiomara’s growth as a young woman more generally and how she’s trying to build her own identity, separate from her mother and the church. Just as her poetry is something she does for herself, letting her parents believe she’s doing homework rather than talk to them about how important writing is to her, her feelings for Aman are also something she keeps private. Not only does she keep Aman a secret because she knows she’ll face anger and punishment from Mami, but she also wants to make sense of her feelings. Even though she could confide in Caridad and actually does from time to time, Xiomara keeps her most personal thoughts to herself in an effort to have ownership over them, layering them in her lines of poetry in order to find ways to understand herself. Her renaming of herself as The Poet X while with Aman in the park is also indicative of Xiomara’s desire for autonomy and independence as she embraces the idea of herself as a writer.
The duality of Xiomara’s character shows a young woman struggling with the contradictions of expectations and beliefs. For example, Xiomara continues to question the church and the things Father Sean preaches. To keep from angering Mami, Xiomara puts on the appearance of an obedient and faithful girl, but she continues to spit out the communion wafers. At confirmation class, she fakes interest and belief in what Father Sean preaches while inside she questions everything and wishes she could be in poetry club. When she finally questions Father Sean about the story of Eve, she shows curiosity that she says Eve was punished for. Like Eve, however, Xiomara wants to explore things for herself, including her faith, her body, and her interests. Also like Eve, Xiomara is expected to live with her own curiosity without using it. For Father Sean, the story of Eve is meant as a cautionary tale about the catastrophic punishment that can result when a woman does not resist temptation. For Xiomara, it is a story that mirrors her own life.
Xiomara’s second English assignment provides insight into her goals and dreams and the things she believes will keep her from achieving them. In her rough draft, she envisions herself as a triumphant warrior for her true self. The fact that she does not turn this draft in but instead creates a whole new essay shows that she is not ready to fight outside of the pages of her notebook. Ironically, her final draft is even more revealing as she speaks of wanting to fight for other immigrant girls who are oppressed by the expectations of their parents. Additionally, she reveals a dream of her parents moving back to the D.R. so that she can not only have emotional and spiritual separation but also physical as well. What she does not want separation from, however, is her bond with Twin who lives down the street in her vision of a future for herself. Despite her growing relationship with Aman, Xiomara reveals that she does not see herself married with children, suggesting that she wants to have a life that is wholly and completely her own.
