payment page
Summary
Part I, Section 3: “H.S.” – “More About Twin”
Xiomara begins her sophomore year at Chisholm High School. Twin goes to a different school for gifted students, so Xiomara goes by herself into the old brick building with the reputation for gang fights and drug deals. Despite going through metal detectors and security guards, Xiomara thinks of school as just a means to an end. She knows that in order to get away from Mami, she has to graduate and get away to college, so she resolves to do what she has to do to make it out. When she meets Ms. Galiano, her new English teacher, Xiomara is pleasantly surprised. Ms. Galiano is young and petite but with a powerful presence in the classroom, and she pronounces Xiomara’s name correctly on the first try. When assigned an essay on an important day in her life, Xiomara has the sense that Ms. Galiano is genuinely interested in getting to know her.
For the rough draft of her first assignment, Xiomara writes about getting her period for the first time in fifth grade. No one, including Mami, had ever explained the event to Xiomara. Although she’d overheard older girls talking about periods, she didn’t know what to do and had to search the Internet for information and then go buy tampons. She didn’t know how to use them, and by the time Mami got home, Xiomara was crying. Instead of comforting her, Mami hit her so hard that she split her lip before telling her that tampons were for whores. She also implied that Xiomara was too young and somehow made the choice to start her period at the age of eleven. Xiomara does not turn in that essay, however. She writes a new essay about Twin getting her a beautiful leather notebook she used to write her poetry. She says it was the first time anyone ever gave her something that suggested her thoughts were important and worth collecting, and she has written in it every day since.
Days pass, and Xiomara’s life is a routine of school and chores. She must go straight home every day and clean the apartment, something Twin is not required to do. It’s one more thing that proves to her that she is not her mother’s favorite and that Mami perpetuates a double standard based on gender. Still, Xiomara understands why Mami gets along much better with Twin because he happily attends church and doesn’t question the faith. He’s even been an altar boy, led discussions during Bible study, and volunteered at Bible camp. Xiomara throws away one of the crafts a camper made Twin, knowing that if she apologizes and says it was an accident, Twin will pretend to believe her. Despite her bitterness, Xiomara cherishes her relationship with her brother, calling him Twin because she is the only one who is connected to him in that unique way. She has also defended him, fighting for him when he was bullied at school or in the neighborhood. When Mami chastises her for being unladylike and encourages her to be more like her brother, Xiomara never tells her that the fights are to protect Twin.
Analysis
This section further develops the theme of imprisonment and escape. Mami’s oppression causes Xiomara to feel increasingly confined. One way that Mami restrains Xiomara is through ignorance. In the rough draft of her essay for English class, Xiomara describes getting her period for the first time, revealing how her mother has denied her basic knowledge and given her misinformation. Instead of preparing her daughter for the milestone, Mami leaves her to figure things out for herself even though she has to know or at least suspect that Xiomara will be scared and embarrassed when she gets her period for the first time. Furthermore, Mami makes things even worse by giving Xiomara misinformation and telling her that she must be a sexually active girl if she’s using tampons, implying that Xiomara had control over when she began menstruating. She also abuses her daughter by hitting her hard enough in the face to draw blood, furthering the idea of Xiomara being imprisoned by her mother’s own unfulfilled desire to be a nun.
Xiomara is also imprisoned by the gender role her mother imposes on her. Because Xiomara is a girl, she must perform stereotypical tasks such as washing dishes, sweeping, and dusting. These are all chores Twin is exempted from since he is a boy. Xiomara must also clean silently and avoid disturbing her father while he watches television since he, like his son, are not expected to participate in any of the domestic chores reserved for the women of the household. Xiomara is also trapped by her mother’s other expectations for her behavior. Mami wants Xiomara to be ladylike, meaning obedient, demure, chaste, and nonconfrontational. In Mami’s view, the way to achieve those behavior goals is through unquestioning devotion to a faith Xiomara questions. Mami also uses physical abuse when Xiomara does not conform to the model Mami envisions for her daughter.
Despite feeling constrained and imprisoned, Xiomara does find escapes. Her primary mode of escape is through her writing. In her poetry, she is able to express herself, ask questions, and challenge stereotypes. Although she is not yet able to openly confront her mother, Xiomara uses her writing as a way to free herself from the boundaries Mami draws for her. Xiomara also enacts small moments of rebellion that allow her to feel a sense of freedom without fully confronting her mother or openly rejecting the church. When she commits the passive aggressive act of throwing away a marble mosaic of Twin’s and watches it smash on the street below their fire escape, Xiomara is able to free some of the anger and resentment she feels toward her brother. She also begins to regard school as a means of escape. Not only does she look forward to graduating so she can have hope of attending college and getting away from the oppressive life in Mami’s control, but she also begins to see her English class as a way to escape. Through Ms. Galiano, Xiomara finds a teacher who is empathetic and understanding while also demanding the very best from Xiomara. Feeling seen and understood by Ms. Galiano is a kind of escape Xiomara begins to enjoy.
