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I found earthquakes, even when I was in them, deeply satisfying, abruptly revealed evidence of the scheme in action. That the schemes could destroy the works of man might be a personal regret but remained, in the larger picture I had come to recognize, a matter of abiding indifference. No eye was on the sparrow. No eye was watching me.

In chapter 17, Didion discusses how, as a child, she found comfort in the idea of meaninglessness. While the consequences of natural disasters cause fear and horror in many people, for Didion they represent the planet Earth’s eternal indifference toward humanity—a concept she takes an unexpected comfort in. Tsunamis and earthquakes are an affirmation to her that the experiences of humankind are not shaped by some grand design. These natural disasters cause immense human tragedy, but they are simply geological phenomena with no “meaning” or purpose behind them. Didion finds comfort in this idea, as it emphasizes the smallness of humanity against the earth’s powerful geological activity. Didion is soothed by the idea that life is accidental, which assures her that she has autonomy in her own life and that her path is not determined by any divine plan or overarching design.

Didion’s discussion of meaninglessness reveals her atheistic worldview, in which God is seen as absent or nonexistent and which therefore stresses the importance of individual agency. Didion quotes from the classic hymn “His Eye Is on the Sparrow,” which claims that God plays close attention to every living thing, even a creature as small as a sparrow. Didion rejects the idea that a divine power takes a profound interest in her choices and actions. As she sees it, the world is governed by the cycles and patterns of nature, which are indifferent to human existence. As a result, humans have an obligation to direct their own destinies and build lives that give them joy and satisfaction. Since humanity isn’t part of a larger pattern or divine scheme, quality of experience is shaped by individual choice. Didion uses this model as a way of accepting her present circumstances, recognizing that while John’s death ended a crucial component of her own life, the world was indifferent to her loss. Thinking in this way gives her perspective on her situation and also grants her an ability to direct the next steps of her life. In this way, Didion learns to follow John’s advice and “go with the changes” that have occurred in her life.

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