Summary
In friendships or exchanges where each person receives
a different benefit, it is important that both parties feel they
are being justly treated. The best method is to fix a price in advance,
though some forms of benevolence cannot properly be repaid. In cases
of dispute, the recipient of a service should determine its value.
While it is important to show preference to one’s friends, one should
not do so in place of meeting obligations to others.
Friendships based on utility or pleasure dissolve when
the friends no longer find utility or pleasure in one another. These
breakups are made more complicated when people are misled into thinking
they are loved for their character and not for certain incidental attributes. It
may also be necessary to break off a friendship with someone who
initially misrepresented the kind of person he or she really is. Friends
who grow apart cannot remain friends, though they should hold on
to some consideration for the former friendship.
The feelings we have for our friends are the same as we
have for ourselves. For instance, a good friend wishes good things
for his or her friend, enjoys that friend’s company, and shares
personal joys and sorrows. This can also be said of our relationship
with ourselves, even in the case of bad people, who treat both themselves
and their friends poorly.
We feel goodwill toward a person in whom we perceive some merit
or goodness, but this feeling is different from friendship or even
affection, because it is superficial and not necessarily requited. Concord
is a form of friendly feeling that exists between friends or within
a state when people have the same ends in view.
Benefactors seem to love those whom they have benefited
more than the beneficiaries love in return. This love is like the
love of an artist for his or her work, because the benefactor is
to some extent responsible for “making” the beneficiary. It is also
more pleasurable to do good actively than to receive good passively.
Those who denigrate self-love are thinking of people who
seek the greatest honors and pleasures only for themselves. A good
person who is self-loving will seek only what is best for himself
or herself, which will be consistent with what is best for all.
A good person will do seemingly unselfish acts, such as taking risks
for friends or giving away money, but will do these things because
they are noble and are motivated by self-love.
