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Original Text |
Modern Text |
Enter ACHILLES and PATROCLUS.
|
Enter ACHILLES and PATROCLUS.
|
ACHILLES
I’ll heat his blood with Greekish wine tonight,
Which with my scimitar I’ll cool tomorrow.
Patroclus, let us feast him to the height.
|
ACHILLES
I’ll heat his blood with Greekish wine tonight,
Which with my scimitar I’ll cool tomorrow.
Patroclus, let us feast him to the height.
|
PATROCLUS
Here comes Thersites.
|
PATROCLUS
Here comes Thersites.
|
Enter THERSITES.
|
Enter THERSITES.
|
ACHILLES
5
How now, thou core of envy?
Thou crusty botch of nature, what’s the news?
|
ACHILLES
Thou crusty botch of nature, what’s the news?
|
THERSITES
Why, thou picture of what thou seemest and
idol of idiot-worshippers, here’s a letter for thee.
|
THERSITES
Why, thou picture of what thou seemest and
idol of idiot-worshippers, here’s a letter for thee.
|
ACHILLES
From whence, fragment?
|
ACHILLES
From whence, fragment?
|
THERSITES
10
Why, thou full dish of fool, from Troy.
|
THERSITES
|
ACHILLES takes the letter and moves aside to read it.
|
ACHILLES takes the letter and moves aside to read it.
|
PATROCLUS
Who keeps the tent now?
|
PATROCLUS
Who keeps the tent now?
|
THERSITES
The surgeon’s box or the patient’s wound.
|
THERSITES
The surgeon’s box or the patient’s wound.
|
PATROCLUS
Well said, adversity. And what need these
tricks?
|
PATROCLUS
Well said, adversity. And what need these
tricks?
|
THERSITES
15
Prithee, be silent, boy. I profit not by thy
talk. Thou art said to be Achilles’ male varlet.
|
THERSITES
talk. Thou art said to be Achilles’ male varlet.
|
PATROCLUS
“Male varlet,” you rogue! What’s that?
|
PATROCLUS
“Male varlet,” you rogue! What’s that?
|
THERSITES
Why, his masculine whore. Now the rotten
diseases of the south, the guts-griping, ruptures,
20
catarrhs, loads o’ gravel in the back, lethargies,
cold palsies, raw eyes, dirt-rotten livers, whissing
lungs, bladders full of impostume, sciaticas,
limekilns i’ th’ palm, incurable bone-ache, and the
rivelled fee-simple of the tetter, take and take
25
again such preposterous discoveries.
|
THERSITES
Why, his masculine whore. Now the rotten
diseases of the south, the guts-griping, ruptures,
cold palsies, raw eyes, dirt-rotten livers, whissing
lungs, bladders full of impostume, sciaticas,
limekilns i’ th’ palm, incurable bone-ache, and the
rivelled fee-simple of the tetter, take and take
|
PATROCLUS
Why, thou damnable box of envy, thou,
what means thou to curse thus?
|
PATROCLUS
Why, thou damnable box of envy, thou,
what means thou to curse thus?
|
THERSITES
Do I curse thee?
|
THERSITES
Do I curse thee?
|
PATROCLUS
Why, no, you ruinous butt, you whoreson
30
indistinguishable cur, no.
|
PATROCLUS
Why, no, you ruinous butt, you whoreson
|
THERSITES
No? Why art thou then exasperate, thou idle
immaterial skein of sleave-silk, thou green sarsenet
flap for a sore eye, thou tassel of a prodigal’s purse,
thou? Ah, how the poor world is pestered with such
35
waterflies, diminutives of nature!
|
THERSITES
No? Why art thou then exasperate, thou idle
immaterial skein of sleave-silk, thou green sarsenet
flap for a sore eye, thou tassel of a prodigal’s purse,
thou? Ah, how the poor world is pestered with such
|
PATROCLUS
Out, gall!
|
PATROCLUS
Out, gall!
|
THERSITES
Finch egg!
|
THERSITES
Finch egg!
|
ACHILLES ,
coming forward
My sweet Patroclus, I am thwarted quite
From my great purpose in tomorrow’s battle.
40
Here is a letter from Queen Hecuba,
A token from her daughter, my fair love,
Both taxing me and gaging me to keep
An oath that I have sworn. I will not break it.
Fall, Greeks; fail, fame; honor, or go or stay;
45
My major vow lies here; this I’ll obey.
Come, come, Thersites, help to trim my tent.
This night in banqueting must all be spent.
Away, Patroclus.
|
ACHILLES ,
coming forward
My sweet Patroclus, I am thwarted quite
From my great purpose in tomorrow’s battle.
A token from her daughter, my fair love,
Both taxing me and gaging me to keep
An oath that I have sworn. I will not break it.
Fall, Greeks; fail, fame; honor, or go or stay;
Come, come, Thersites, help to trim my tent.
This night in banqueting must all be spent.
Away, Patroclus.
|
He exits with PATROCLUS.
|
He exits with PATROCLUS.
|
THERSITES
With too much blood and too little brain,
50
these two may run mad; but if with too much brain
and too little blood they do, I’ll be a curer of madmen.
Here’s Agamemnon, an honest fellow enough
and one that loves quails, but he has not so much
brain as earwax. And the goodly transformation
55
of Jupiter there, his brother, the bull—the primitive
statue and oblique memorial of cuckolds, a
thrifty shoeing-horn in a chain, hanging at his
brother’s leg—to what form but that he is should
wit larded with malice and malice forced with
60
wit turn him to? To an ass were nothing; he is both
ass and ox. To an ox were nothing; he is both ox
and ass. To be a dog, a mule, a cat, a fitchew, a
toad, a lizard, an owl, a puttock, or a herring without
a roe, I would not care; but to be Menelaus! I
65
would conspire against destiny. Ask me not what I
would be, if I were not Thersites, for I care not to be
the louse of a lazar so I were not Menelaus.
|
THERSITES
With too much blood and too little brain,
and too little blood they do, I’ll be a curer of madmen.
Here’s Agamemnon, an honest fellow enough
and one that loves quails, but he has not so much
brain as earwax. And the goodly transformation
statue and oblique memorial of cuckolds, a
thrifty shoeing-horn in a chain, hanging at his
brother’s leg—to what form but that he is should
wit larded with malice and malice forced with
ass and ox. To an ox were nothing; he is both ox
and ass. To be a dog, a mule, a cat, a fitchew, a
toad, a lizard, an owl, a puttock, or a herring without
a roe, I would not care; but to be Menelaus! I
would be, if I were not Thersites, for I care not to be
the louse of a lazar so I were not Menelaus.
|
Enter HECTOR, TROILUS, AJAX, AGAMEMNON, ULYSSES,
NESTOR , MENELAUS, and DIOMEDES, with lights.
|
Enter HECTOR, TROILUS, AJAX, AGAMEMNON, ULYSSES,
NESTOR , MENELAUS, and DIOMEDES, with lights.
|
Heyday! Sprites and fires!
|
Heyday! Sprites and fires!
|
AGAMEMNON
We go wrong, we go wrong.
|
AGAMEMNON
We go wrong, we go wrong.
|
AJAX
70
No, yonder—’tis there, where we see the lights.
|
AJAX
|
HECTOR
I trouble you.
|
HECTOR
I trouble you.
|
AJAX
No, not a whit.
|
AJAX
No, not a whit.
|
Enter ACHILLES.
|
Enter ACHILLES.
|
ULYSSES ,
to HECTOR
Here comes himself to guide you.
|
ULYSSES ,
to HECTOR
Here comes himself to guide you.
|
ACHILLES
Welcome, brave Hector. Welcome, princes all.
|
ACHILLES
Welcome, brave Hector. Welcome, princes all.
|
AGAMEMNON ,
to HECTOR
75
So now, fair prince of Troy, I bid good night.
Ajax commands the guard to tend on you.
|
AGAMEMNON ,
to HECTOR
Ajax commands the guard to tend on you.
|
HECTOR
Thanks, and good night to the Greeks’ general.
|
HECTOR
Thanks, and good night to the Greeks’ general.
|
MENELAUS
Good night, my lord.
|
MENELAUS
Good night, my lord.
|
HECTOR
Good night, sweet lord
80
Menelaus.
|
HECTOR
Good night, sweet lord
|
THERSITES ,
aside
Sweet draught. “Sweet,” quoth he?
Sweet sink, sweet sewer.
|
THERSITES ,
aside
Sweet draught. “Sweet,” quoth he?
Sweet sink, sweet sewer.
|
ACHILLES
Good night and welcome, both at once, to those
That go or tarry.
|
ACHILLES
Good night and welcome, both at once, to those
That go or tarry.
|
AGAMEMNON
85
Good night.
|
AGAMEMNON
|
AGAMEMNON and MENELAUS exit.
|
AGAMEMNON and MENELAUS exit.
|
ACHILLES
Old Nestor tarries, and you too, Diomed.
Keep Hector company an hour or two.
|
ACHILLES
Old Nestor tarries, and you too, Diomed.
Keep Hector company an hour or two.
|
DIOMEDES
I cannot, lord. I have important business,
The tide whereof is now.—Good night, great Hector.
|
DIOMEDES
I cannot, lord. I have important business,
The tide whereof is now.—Good night, great Hector.
|
HECTOR
90
Give me your hand.
|
HECTOR
|
ULYSSES ,
aside to TROILUS
Follow his torch; he goes to Calchas’ tent.
I’ll keep you company.
|
ULYSSES ,
aside to TROILUS
Follow his torch; he goes to Calchas’ tent.
I’ll keep you company.
|
TROILUS
Sweet sir, you honor me.
|
TROILUS
Sweet sir, you honor me.
|
HECTOR
And so, good night.
|
HECTOR
And so, good night.
|
DIOMEDES exits, followed by TROILUS and ULYSSES.
|
DIOMEDES exits, followed by TROILUS and ULYSSES.
|
ACHILLES
95
Come, come, enter my tent.
|
ACHILLES
|
ACHILLES, AJAX, NESTOR, and HECTOR exit.
|
ACHILLES, AJAX, NESTOR, and HECTOR exit.
|
THERSITES
That same Diomed’s a false-hearted rogue,
a most unjust knave. I will no more trust him when
he leers than I will a serpent when he hisses. He
will spend his mouth and promise like Brabbler
100
the hound, but when he performs, astronomers
foretell it; it is prodigious, there will come some
change. The sun borrows of the moon when
Diomed keeps his word. I will rather leave to see
Hector than not to dog him. They say he keeps a
105
Trojan drab and uses the traitor Calchas his tent.
I’ll after. Nothing but lechery! All incontinent varlets!
|
THERSITES
That same Diomed’s a false-hearted rogue,
a most unjust knave. I will no more trust him when
he leers than I will a serpent when he hisses. He
will spend his mouth and promise like Brabbler
foretell it; it is prodigious, there will come some
change. The sun borrows of the moon when
Diomed keeps his word. I will rather leave to see
Hector than not to dog him. They say he keeps a
I’ll after. Nothing but lechery! All incontinent varlets!
|
He exits.
|
He exits.
|
Original Text |
Modern Text |
Enter ACHILLES and PATROCLUS.
|
Enter ACHILLES and PATROCLUS.
|
ACHILLES
I’ll heat his blood with Greekish wine tonight,
Which with my scimitar I’ll cool tomorrow.
Patroclus, let us feast him to the height.
|
ACHILLES
I’ll heat his blood with Greekish wine tonight,
Which with my scimitar I’ll cool tomorrow.
Patroclus, let us feast him to the height.
|
PATROCLUS
Here comes Thersites.
|
PATROCLUS
Here comes Thersites.
|
Enter THERSITES.
|
Enter THERSITES.
|
ACHILLES
5
How now, thou core of envy?
Thou crusty botch of nature, what’s the news?
|
ACHILLES
Thou crusty botch of nature, what’s the news?
|
THERSITES
Why, thou picture of what thou seemest and
idol of idiot-worshippers, here’s a letter for thee.
|
THERSITES
Why, thou picture of what thou seemest and
idol of idiot-worshippers, here’s a letter for thee.
|
ACHILLES
From whence, fragment?
|
ACHILLES
From whence, fragment?
|
THERSITES
10
Why, thou full dish of fool, from Troy.
|
THERSITES
|
ACHILLES takes the letter and moves aside to read it.
|
ACHILLES takes the letter and moves aside to read it.
|
PATROCLUS
Who keeps the tent now?
|
PATROCLUS
Who keeps the tent now?
|
THERSITES
The surgeon’s box or the patient’s wound.
|
THERSITES
The surgeon’s box or the patient’s wound.
|
PATROCLUS
Well said, adversity. And what need these
tricks?
|
PATROCLUS
Well said, adversity. And what need these
tricks?
|
THERSITES
15
Prithee, be silent, boy. I profit not by thy
talk. Thou art said to be Achilles’ male varlet.
|
THERSITES
talk. Thou art said to be Achilles’ male varlet.
|
PATROCLUS
“Male varlet,” you rogue! What’s that?
|
PATROCLUS
“Male varlet,” you rogue! What’s that?
|
THERSITES
Why, his masculine whore. Now the rotten
diseases of the south, the guts-griping, ruptures,
20
catarrhs, loads o’ gravel in the back, lethargies,
cold palsies, raw eyes, dirt-rotten livers, whissing
lungs, bladders full of impostume, sciaticas,
limekilns i’ th’ palm, incurable bone-ache, and the
rivelled fee-simple of the tetter, take and take
25
again such preposterous discoveries.
|
THERSITES
Why, his masculine whore. Now the rotten
diseases of the south, the guts-griping, ruptures,
cold palsies, raw eyes, dirt-rotten livers, whissing
lungs, bladders full of impostume, sciaticas,
limekilns i’ th’ palm, incurable bone-ache, and the
rivelled fee-simple of the tetter, take and take
|
PATROCLUS
Why, thou damnable box of envy, thou,
what means thou to curse thus?
|
PATROCLUS
Why, thou damnable box of envy, thou,
what means thou to curse thus?
|
THERSITES
Do I curse thee?
|
THERSITES
Do I curse thee?
|
PATROCLUS
Why, no, you ruinous butt, you whoreson
30
indistinguishable cur, no.
|
PATROCLUS
Why, no, you ruinous butt, you whoreson
|
THERSITES
No? Why art thou then exasperate, thou idle
immaterial skein of sleave-silk, thou green sarsenet
flap for a sore eye, thou tassel of a prodigal’s purse,
thou? Ah, how the poor world is pestered with such
35
waterflies, diminutives of nature!
|
THERSITES
No? Why art thou then exasperate, thou idle
immaterial skein of sleave-silk, thou green sarsenet
flap for a sore eye, thou tassel of a prodigal’s purse,
thou? Ah, how the poor world is pestered with such
|
PATROCLUS
Out, gall!
|
PATROCLUS
Out, gall!
|
THERSITES
Finch egg!
|
THERSITES
Finch egg!
|
ACHILLES ,
coming forward
My sweet Patroclus, I am thwarted quite
From my great purpose in tomorrow’s battle.
40
Here is a letter from Queen Hecuba,
A token from her daughter, my fair love,
Both taxing me and gaging me to keep
An oath that I have sworn. I will not break it.
Fall, Greeks; fail, fame; honor, or go or stay;
45
My major vow lies here; this I’ll obey.
Come, come, Thersites, help to trim my tent.
This night in banqueting must all be spent.
Away, Patroclus.
|
ACHILLES ,
coming forward
My sweet Patroclus, I am thwarted quite
From my great purpose in tomorrow’s battle.
A token from her daughter, my fair love,
Both taxing me and gaging me to keep
An oath that I have sworn. I will not break it.
Fall, Greeks; fail, fame; honor, or go or stay;
Come, come, Thersites, help to trim my tent.
This night in banqueting must all be spent.
Away, Patroclus.
|
He exits with PATROCLUS.
|
He exits with PATROCLUS.
|
THERSITES
With too much blood and too little brain,
50
these two may run mad; but if with too much brain
and too little blood they do, I’ll be a curer of madmen.
Here’s Agamemnon, an honest fellow enough
and one that loves quails, but he has not so much
brain as earwax. And the goodly transformation
55
of Jupiter there, his brother, the bull—the primitive
statue and oblique memorial of cuckolds, a
thrifty shoeing-horn in a chain, hanging at his
brother’s leg—to what form but that he is should
wit larded with malice and malice forced with
60
wit turn him to? To an ass were nothing; he is both
ass and ox. To an ox were nothing; he is both ox
and ass. To be a dog, a mule, a cat, a fitchew, a
toad, a lizard, an owl, a puttock, or a herring without
a roe, I would not care; but to be Menelaus! I
65
would conspire against destiny. Ask me not what I
would be, if I were not Thersites, for I care not to be
the louse of a lazar so I were not Menelaus.
|
THERSITES
With too much blood and too little brain,
and too little blood they do, I’ll be a curer of madmen.
Here’s Agamemnon, an honest fellow enough
and one that loves quails, but he has not so much
brain as earwax. And the goodly transformation
statue and oblique memorial of cuckolds, a
thrifty shoeing-horn in a chain, hanging at his
brother’s leg—to what form but that he is should
wit larded with malice and malice forced with
ass and ox. To an ox were nothing; he is both ox
and ass. To be a dog, a mule, a cat, a fitchew, a
toad, a lizard, an owl, a puttock, or a herring without
a roe, I would not care; but to be Menelaus! I
would be, if I were not Thersites, for I care not to be
the louse of a lazar so I were not Menelaus.
|
Enter HECTOR, TROILUS, AJAX, AGAMEMNON, ULYSSES,
NESTOR , MENELAUS, and DIOMEDES, with lights.
|
Enter HECTOR, TROILUS, AJAX, AGAMEMNON, ULYSSES,
NESTOR , MENELAUS, and DIOMEDES, with lights.
|
Heyday! Sprites and fires!
|
Heyday! Sprites and fires!
|
AGAMEMNON
We go wrong, we go wrong.
|
AGAMEMNON
We go wrong, we go wrong.
|
AJAX
70
No, yonder—’tis there, where we see the lights.
|
AJAX
|
HECTOR
I trouble you.
|
HECTOR
I trouble you.
|
AJAX
No, not a whit.
|
AJAX
No, not a whit.
|
Enter ACHILLES.
|
Enter ACHILLES.
|
ULYSSES ,
to HECTOR
Here comes himself to guide you.
|
ULYSSES ,
to HECTOR
Here comes himself to guide you.
|
ACHILLES
Welcome, brave Hector. Welcome, princes all.
|
ACHILLES
Welcome, brave Hector. Welcome, princes all.
|
AGAMEMNON ,
to HECTOR
75
So now, fair prince of Troy, I bid good night.
Ajax commands the guard to tend on you.
|
AGAMEMNON ,
to HECTOR
Ajax commands the guard to tend on you.
|
HECTOR
Thanks, and good night to the Greeks’ general.
|
HECTOR
Thanks, and good night to the Greeks’ general.
|
MENELAUS
Good night, my lord.
|
MENELAUS
Good night, my lord.
|
HECTOR
Good night, sweet lord
80
Menelaus.
|
HECTOR
Good night, sweet lord
|
THERSITES ,
aside
Sweet draught. “Sweet,” quoth he?
Sweet sink, sweet sewer.
|
THERSITES ,
aside
Sweet draught. “Sweet,” quoth he?
Sweet sink, sweet sewer.
|
ACHILLES
Good night and welcome, both at once, to those
That go or tarry.
|
ACHILLES
Good night and welcome, both at once, to those
That go or tarry.
|
AGAMEMNON
85
Good night.
|
AGAMEMNON
|
AGAMEMNON and MENELAUS exit.
|
AGAMEMNON and MENELAUS exit.
|
ACHILLES
Old Nestor tarries, and you too, Diomed.
Keep Hector company an hour or two.
|
ACHILLES
Old Nestor tarries, and you too, Diomed.
Keep Hector company an hour or two.
|
DIOMEDES
I cannot, lord. I have important business,
The tide whereof is now.—Good night, great Hector.
|
DIOMEDES
I cannot, lord. I have important business,
The tide whereof is now.—Good night, great Hector.
|
HECTOR
90
Give me your hand.
|
HECTOR
|
ULYSSES ,
aside to TROILUS
Follow his torch; he goes to Calchas’ tent.
I’ll keep you company.
|
ULYSSES ,
aside to TROILUS
Follow his torch; he goes to Calchas’ tent.
I’ll keep you company.
|
TROILUS
Sweet sir, you honor me.
|
TROILUS
Sweet sir, you honor me.
|
HECTOR
And so, good night.
|
HECTOR
And so, good night.
|
DIOMEDES exits, followed by TROILUS and ULYSSES.
|
DIOMEDES exits, followed by TROILUS and ULYSSES.
|
ACHILLES
95
Come, come, enter my tent.
|
ACHILLES
|
ACHILLES, AJAX, NESTOR, and HECTOR exit.
|
ACHILLES, AJAX, NESTOR, and HECTOR exit.
|
THERSITES
That same Diomed’s a false-hearted rogue,
a most unjust knave. I will no more trust him when
he leers than I will a serpent when he hisses. He
will spend his mouth and promise like Brabbler
100
the hound, but when he performs, astronomers
foretell it; it is prodigious, there will come some
change. The sun borrows of the moon when
Diomed keeps his word. I will rather leave to see
Hector than not to dog him. They say he keeps a
105
Trojan drab and uses the traitor Calchas his tent.
I’ll after. Nothing but lechery! All incontinent varlets!
|
THERSITES
That same Diomed’s a false-hearted rogue,
a most unjust knave. I will no more trust him when
he leers than I will a serpent when he hisses. He
will spend his mouth and promise like Brabbler
foretell it; it is prodigious, there will come some
change. The sun borrows of the moon when
Diomed keeps his word. I will rather leave to see
Hector than not to dog him. They say he keeps a
I’ll after. Nothing but lechery! All incontinent varlets!
|
He exits.
|
He exits.
|