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Alarum. Excursions. Enter THERSITES.
Alarum. Excursions. Enter THERSITES.
THERSITES  
Now they are clapper-clawing one another.
I’ll go look on. That dissembling abominable varlet,
Diomed, has got that same scurvy doting foolish
young knave’s sleeve of Troy there in his helm.
5
I would fain see them meet, that that same young
Trojan ass that loves the whore there might send
that Greekish whoremasterly villain with the sleeve
back to the dissembling luxurious drab, of a sleeveless
errand. O’ th’ t’other side, the policy of those
10
crafty swearing rascals—that stale old mouse-eaten
dry cheese, Nestor, and that same dog-fox,
Ulysses—is proved not worth a blackberry. They
set me up, in policy, that mongrel cur, Ajax, against
that dog of as bad a kind, Achilles. And now is the
15
cur Ajax prouder than the cur Achilles, and will
not arm today, whereupon the Grecians begin to
proclaim barbarism, and policy grows into an ill
opinion.
THERSITES  
Now they are clapper-clawing one another.
I’ll go look on. That dissembling abominable varlet,
Diomed, has got that same scurvy doting foolish
young knave’s sleeve of Troy there in his helm.
I would fain see them meet, that that same young
Trojan ass that loves the whore there might send
that Greekish whoremasterly villain with the sleeve
back to the dissembling luxurious drab, of a sleeveless
errand. O’ th’ t’other side, the policy of those
crafty swearing rascals—that stale old mouse-eaten
dry cheese, Nestor, and that same dog-fox,
Ulysses—is proved not worth a blackberry. They
set me up, in policy, that mongrel cur, Ajax, against
that dog of as bad a kind, Achilles. And now is the
cur Ajax prouder than the cur Achilles, and will
not arm today, whereupon the Grecians begin to
proclaim barbarism, and policy grows into an ill
opinion.
Enter DIOMEDES, and TROILUS pursuing him.
Enter DIOMEDES, and TROILUS pursuing him.
Soft! Here comes sleeve and t’ other.
Soft! Here comes sleeve and t’ other.
THERSITES moves aside.
THERSITES moves aside.
TROILUS , to DIOMEDES
20
Fly not, for shouldst thou take the river Styx
I would swim after.
TROILUS , to DIOMEDES
Fly not, for shouldst thou take the river Styx
I would swim after.
DIOMEDES  
Thou dost miscall retire.
I do not fly, but advantageous care
Withdrew me from the odds of multitude.
25
Have at thee!
DIOMEDES  
Thou dost miscall retire.
I do not fly, but advantageous care
Withdrew me from the odds of multitude.
Have at thee!
They fight.
They fight.
THERSITES  
Hold thy whore, Grecian! Now for thy
whore, Trojan! Now the sleeve, now the sleeve!
THERSITES  
Hold thy whore, Grecian! Now for thy
whore, Trojan! Now the sleeve, now the sleeve!
DIOMEDES and TROILUS exit fighting.
Enter HECTOR.
DIOMEDES and TROILUS exit fighting.
Enter HECTOR.
HECTOR
What art thou, Greek? Art thou for Hector’s match?
Art thou of blood and honor?
HECTOR
What art thou, Greek? Art thou for Hector’s match?
Art thou of blood and honor?
THERSITES  
30
No, no, I am a rascal, a scurvy railing
knave, a very filthy rogue.
THERSITES  
No, no, I am a rascal, a scurvy railing
knave, a very filthy rogue.
HECTOR  
I do believe thee. Live.
HECTOR  
I do believe thee. Live.
He exits.
He exits.
THERSITES  
God-a-mercy, that thou wilt believe me!
But a plague break thy neck for frighting me!
35
What’s become of the wenching rogues? I think
they have swallowed one another. I would laugh at
that miracle—yet, in a sort, lechery eats itself. I’ll
seek them.
THERSITES  
God-a-mercy, that thou wilt believe me!
But a plague break thy neck for frighting me!
What’s become of the wenching rogues? I think
they have swallowed one another. I would laugh at
that miracle—yet, in a sort, lechery eats itself. I’ll
seek them.
He exits.
He exits.

Original Text

Modern Text

Alarum. Excursions. Enter THERSITES.
Alarum. Excursions. Enter THERSITES.
THERSITES  
Now they are clapper-clawing one another.
I’ll go look on. That dissembling abominable varlet,
Diomed, has got that same scurvy doting foolish
young knave’s sleeve of Troy there in his helm.
5
I would fain see them meet, that that same young
Trojan ass that loves the whore there might send
that Greekish whoremasterly villain with the sleeve
back to the dissembling luxurious drab, of a sleeveless
errand. O’ th’ t’other side, the policy of those
10
crafty swearing rascals—that stale old mouse-eaten
dry cheese, Nestor, and that same dog-fox,
Ulysses—is proved not worth a blackberry. They
set me up, in policy, that mongrel cur, Ajax, against
that dog of as bad a kind, Achilles. And now is the
15
cur Ajax prouder than the cur Achilles, and will
not arm today, whereupon the Grecians begin to
proclaim barbarism, and policy grows into an ill
opinion.
THERSITES  
Now they are clapper-clawing one another.
I’ll go look on. That dissembling abominable varlet,
Diomed, has got that same scurvy doting foolish
young knave’s sleeve of Troy there in his helm.
I would fain see them meet, that that same young
Trojan ass that loves the whore there might send
that Greekish whoremasterly villain with the sleeve
back to the dissembling luxurious drab, of a sleeveless
errand. O’ th’ t’other side, the policy of those
crafty swearing rascals—that stale old mouse-eaten
dry cheese, Nestor, and that same dog-fox,
Ulysses—is proved not worth a blackberry. They
set me up, in policy, that mongrel cur, Ajax, against
that dog of as bad a kind, Achilles. And now is the
cur Ajax prouder than the cur Achilles, and will
not arm today, whereupon the Grecians begin to
proclaim barbarism, and policy grows into an ill
opinion.
Enter DIOMEDES, and TROILUS pursuing him.
Enter DIOMEDES, and TROILUS pursuing him.
Soft! Here comes sleeve and t’ other.
Soft! Here comes sleeve and t’ other.
THERSITES moves aside.
THERSITES moves aside.
TROILUS , to DIOMEDES
20
Fly not, for shouldst thou take the river Styx
I would swim after.
TROILUS , to DIOMEDES
Fly not, for shouldst thou take the river Styx
I would swim after.
DIOMEDES  
Thou dost miscall retire.
I do not fly, but advantageous care
Withdrew me from the odds of multitude.
25
Have at thee!
DIOMEDES  
Thou dost miscall retire.
I do not fly, but advantageous care
Withdrew me from the odds of multitude.
Have at thee!
They fight.
They fight.
THERSITES  
Hold thy whore, Grecian! Now for thy
whore, Trojan! Now the sleeve, now the sleeve!
THERSITES  
Hold thy whore, Grecian! Now for thy
whore, Trojan! Now the sleeve, now the sleeve!
DIOMEDES and TROILUS exit fighting.
Enter HECTOR.
DIOMEDES and TROILUS exit fighting.
Enter HECTOR.
HECTOR
What art thou, Greek? Art thou for Hector’s match?
Art thou of blood and honor?
HECTOR
What art thou, Greek? Art thou for Hector’s match?
Art thou of blood and honor?
THERSITES  
30
No, no, I am a rascal, a scurvy railing
knave, a very filthy rogue.
THERSITES  
No, no, I am a rascal, a scurvy railing
knave, a very filthy rogue.
HECTOR  
I do believe thee. Live.
HECTOR  
I do believe thee. Live.
He exits.
He exits.
THERSITES  
God-a-mercy, that thou wilt believe me!
But a plague break thy neck for frighting me!
35
What’s become of the wenching rogues? I think
they have swallowed one another. I would laugh at
that miracle—yet, in a sort, lechery eats itself. I’ll
seek them.
THERSITES  
God-a-mercy, that thou wilt believe me!
But a plague break thy neck for frighting me!
What’s become of the wenching rogues? I think
they have swallowed one another. I would laugh at
that miracle—yet, in a sort, lechery eats itself. I’ll
seek them.
He exits.
He exits.

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