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It’s very hard for me to see Sam feel better about herself just because an older boy sees her that way. I asked my sister about this, and she said that Sam has low self-esteem. My sister also said that Sam had a reputation when she was a sophomore.
Sam is beautiful, intelligent, and kind, and yet she struggles in her love life – she recevies her self-worth from how attractive she is to older, more powerful men, and they almost always end up taking advantage of her. Charlie’s sister brusquely points out that Sam has low self-esteem and a reputation for being sexually active with a lot of boys in their school due to her need for male approval. While Charlie’s sister’s comments are a bit unfeeling, they aren’t without merit. Sam was sexually molested as a child by one of her father’s adult friends, and it’s clear that her romantic and sexual relationships with men have been deeply damaged as a result. She upholds the cycle of abuse she was groomed into by seeking out men and boys who mistreat her and use her for sex, because this is the power dynamic she has been familiar with since childhood.
I want to make sure that the first person you kiss loves you. Okay?
This moment between Sam and Charlie is bittersweet. Charlie is already falling in love with Sam, and although there is some mutual attraction, Sam feels that Charlie is too young for her. However, she does care for him deeply and takes it upon herself to be his first kiss because she knows how important it is to share such an intimate and vulnerable moment with someone who loves you. Sadly, Sam’s first kiss was not with someone who loved her. Sam was sexually molested as a child, and as she grew up, her trauma from that experience often caused her to attach to boys who mistreated her. She wants to make sure that what happened to her never happens to Charlie.
You can’t just sit there and put everybody’s lives ahead of yours and think that counts as love. You just can’t. You have to do things.
Sam reminds Charlie that love is active, not passive. Wanting Sam to be happy while keeping his distance and letting Patrick kiss him when he’s lonely may come from a place of love and care, but they don’t allow Charlie to express his own feelings and wants. Sam urges Charlie to consider himself in the equation of love. She wants him to act out his love in a way that not only undoubtedly lets others feel the extent of his affection for them but also satisfies Charlie’s own needs. Charlie’s always been a wallflower and loves people from a distance, but if he never acts on or professes his love, he may miss out on the chance to have it returned to him by the people he cares for.
