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“Ay, how true,” my mother said and clutched me tightly, “and what a sin it is for a boy to grow into a man—” It was a sin to grow up and be a man. “It is no sin,” my father spoke up, “only a fact of life.”
This small argument between Gabriel and María occurs in Chapter 3, when they discuss Antonio growing up. María has a very Catholic view of coming of age, believing that growing up means tainting one’s precious innocence with sin. This view will frighten Antonio throughout the novel because he fears both hell and the flooding of the golden carp. However, Gabriel offers an alternative view. He believes growing up is natural and all that happens, good and ill, simply shapes youths into the people they will become.
I thought of my mother. I always went straight home after school, but today I had something to celebrate. I was growing up and becoming a man and suddenly I realized that I could make decisions.
This quotation comes from Chapter 9, when Antonio decides to go fishing with Samuel after the last day of school instead of going straight home. On the first day of school, Antonio fears not having his mother there for guidance and struggles with feeling like he needs her. By the last day, he feels empowered to explore independence by spending time with his friend instead of his family. Instead of being entirely scary, Antonio discovers that growing up has benefits and joys.
Had I already lost my innocence? How? I had seen Lupito murdered… I had seen Ultima’s cure… I had seen the men come to hang her… I had seen the awful fight just now… I had seen and reveled in the beauty of the golden carp!
Antonio has these thoughts in Chapter 14, when he follows Narciso through the snow and realizes Andrew has gone to Rosie’s. In Antonio’s dream, Andrew promised Antonio he wouldn’t go to Rosie’s until Antonio has lost his innocence. Antonio’s confused horror demonstrates his fraught relationship with growing up. The events he lists have all led to Antonio losing his innocence in the sense that he now knows more about the world, but none of them involve him doing anything bad or sinful. This conflation makes him feel responsible for Andrew’s sinning, as if Antonio’s growth has caused Andrew’s actions.
“Ay,” she tried to smile, “life is filled with sadness when a boy grows to be a man. But as you grow into manhood you must not despair of life, but gather strength to sustain you—can you understand that.”
Ultima says these words to Antonio in Chapter 22, as Antonio expresses sorrow about leaving her to go to El Puerto to farm with his uncles. These wise words offer Antonio an alternate framework in which to view his growth, instead of in the terms of sin his mother warns of or the reckless freedom of his brothers. Ultima encourages him to see growing up as bittersweet. She urges him to focus on finding what gives him strength so that he can face the sorrow.
That shot destroyed the quiet, moonlit peace of the hill, and it shattered my childhood into a thousand fragments that long ago stopped falling and are now dusty relics gathered in distant memories.
This quotation comes from Chapter 22, when Tenorio shoots Ultima’s owl. Antonio identifies this horrible event as the moment his childhood truly ends. Up to this point, Antonio has relied on Ultima’s guidance to help him cope with the difficult lessons he has been learning about the world, and with her counsel he has grown full of moral strength and courage. Since the owl has died, Ultima will soon follow, and Antonio will have to guide himself through the bittersweetness of life.
