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Dost thou not suspect my place? Dost thou not suspect my years? O that he were here to write me down an ass! But masters, remember that I am an ass. Though it be not written down, yet forget not that I am an ass. No, thou villain, thou art full of piety, as shall be proved upon thee by good witness. I am a wise fellow, and which is more, an officer, and which is more, a householder, and which is more, as pretty a piece of flesh as any is in Messina, and one that knows the law, go to . . . and one that hath two gowns, and everything handsome about him. Bring him away. O that I had been writ down an ass! (IV.ii. 67–78 )
Dogberry is the constable and leader
of the town night watch in Messina, the town where the action of
the play takes place. Despite his comedic substitutions of incorrect
words for similar-sounding correct words, Dogberry does succeed
in apprehending Conrad and Borachio and unraveling Don John’s plot
to deceive Claudio and ruin Hero. At this moment, he has caught
Borachio and brought him before the sexton to record the events
of the evening. Binding the villains together, Dogberry calls Conrad
a “naughty varlet” (IV.ii.
