Summary
Ellen keeps to herself while she is staying at Dora and
Nadine's house, and she enjoys the time she has alone. In addition
to reading, Ellen takes this time to examine the slides she has
of bacteria in her microscope, which she uses in secret.
When Nadine asks Ellen what she would like for Christmas, Ellen
first tells her that the clothes she has paid for are enough, but later,
when probed, she asks for a pack of white paper on which to paint.
Nadine is rather appalled by Ellen's request, and Ellen hopes that
she will maybe feel sorry for her and buy her other surprise gifts.
Maybe, Ellen thinks, Nadine is actually growing to like her, though
she catches herself and warns that she must be careful about dreaming,
as not to disappoint herself.
For Christmas, Ellen decides to paint Nadine and Dora
a picture of two fuzzy kittens, something she would not have picked
for herself but knows that the two will enjoy. Instead, she herself
would have liked to paint the ocean. When Ellen asks Dora how she
and her mother typically celebrate Christmas, she scoffs at Ellen
and refuses to answer. It is only when Ellen mentions her Christmas
gift that Dora launches into a long-winded description of many Christmases
past. Ellen feels wise listening to Dora describe the many gifts for
which she has asked, confident she will receive them, as Ellen knows
that Santa Claus does not exist. She is tempted to divulge this to
Dora but resists.
As time passes, Ellen grows more expectant and hopes that Nadine
has softened and picked out many gifts for her. She also grows ever
hopeful that Nadine and Dora will genuinely like the painting she
has made for them. Ellen gives them the painting on Christmas morning,
and Nadine is complimentary, saying how "cute" Ellen is to have
painted it for them. Dora asks if Ellen has traced the cats, which
of course enrages Ellen, though she is overly kind in return. Nadine
says that they will have to wait until the next day to hang the
painting, as she needs a frame. Ellen produces a variety of frames
she has made from colored paper and tells Nadine to pick the one
she most likes. Dora mocks Ellen and asks her mother if she plans
to hang her tacky paper frame on their wall. Nadine scolds Dora
for being rude, but later, in private, Ellen overhears her tell
Dora that even though her painting is "silly and cheap-looking," they
must pretend to be appreciative. They can hang it while Ellen is staying
with them, and then take it down as soon as she leaves. Upon hearing
this, Ellen boils with rage and terrible shame, which is only exacerbated
by all of the gifts Dora has received for Christmas. Nadine, as
it turns out, has bought Ellen only what she had asked for: a package
of paper. Naturally, Ellen is sorely disappointed and marches to
her room after receiving the one gift. When Nadine tells Ellen that
she has been rude to reject the gift, Ellen vows to seek revenge.
She knows that the one thing Dora cannot have but wants is a boyfriend,
so she shows Dora her microscope and claims that her boyfriend has
given it to her. Dora accuses Ellen of lying and says that she cannot
see the pictures of cells on the slides under the microscope. This
is the last straw for Ellen, who is ordered out of the house on
that Christmas day by Nadine. When Nadine approaches to beat her,
Ellen tells her sternly that if she tries to touch her, she will kill
her. Ellen packs up her few belongings, taking care to look nice in
her new, beautiful dress, and asks Dora if she knows anything about
"the Foster lady." Dora tells Ellen where the foster lady lives, and
Ellen goes to her, sure she will impress with her new dress.
Analysis
Ellen is careful to contain her hopes for Christmas, as
she has learned from her many past disappointments and does not
want to suffer yet more. However restrained Ellen is in her hopes,
she cannot help feeling them, for it is not the package of paper
or any other tangible gift she wants for Christmas, but the approval
and affection of Dora and Nadine. It is this one gift that Ellen
cannot have; Dora and Nadine are too in love with themselves to
care for, never mind love, Ellen, and they feign mild interest in
her just as they feign their own success and happiness. Nadine is
appalled by Ellen's request for only one gift because
she and Dora measure their worth by their material possessions and
are satisfied by them. Ellen, however, possesses virtually nothing,
and her longing can only be satisfied by the immaterial and unconditional
love and acceptance, with which Nadine and Dora cannot understand
nor provide.
Thus, Ellen feels wiser and more worldly than Dora for
knowing that Santa Claus is merely an imaginary figure, as Dora,
so unlike Ellen, places all of her faith in a illusory, intangible
figment of childhood fantasy. Ellen, however, has the sense and
the experience to know better than to rely on dreams and fantasies.
Ellen almost seems to pity Dora for her radical ignorance and naïveté,
as she knows the sting of disenchantment and knows that soon, Dora
will too. She does not tell Dora the truth about Santa Claus because
she does not want to be the one to deliver that sadness and does
not want to be the one to blame for her harsh awakening, just as
she did not want to be the one to take the blame for her grandmother's death.
She takes comfort in knowing that, someday, Dora's blind faith will
be broken by reality, though Ellen will not be the one to shatter
it.
